{"id":3144,"date":"2026-06-02T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-06-02T08:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wtf-is-compassion\/"},"modified":"2026-11-02T15:01:38","modified_gmt":"2026-11-02T14:01:38","slug":"self-compassion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/self-compassion\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Is It So Hard to Be Kind to Yourself?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<style>\n\/* The accent is a light-background device. 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14px;border-radius:16px;margin:0 -12px!important}}\n@media(prefers-reduced-motion:reduce){.ra-fig *{transition:none!important}}\n@media print{.ra-seg{display:none!important}}\n@media(max-width:480px){.eqp ol.wp-block-list{padding-left:18px}.eqp ol.wp-block-list li{overflow-wrap:anywhere}}\n<\/style><style>\n\/* the page must never scroll sideways *\/\n.eqp{overflow-x:clip}\n<\/style><div id=\"eqp-rail\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><i><\/i><\/div><nav id=\"eqp-parts\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><a href=\"#part-1\" data-i=\"1\" tabindex=\"-1\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span><span class=\"lbl\">Feeling with, feeling for<\/span><\/a><a href=\"#part-2\" data-i=\"2\" tabindex=\"-1\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span><span class=\"lbl\">When caring wears you down<\/span><\/a><a href=\"#part-3\" data-i=\"3\" tabindex=\"-1\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span><span class=\"lbl\">Turning it around<\/span><\/a><a href=\"#part-4\" data-i=\"4\" tabindex=\"-1\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span><span class=\"lbl\">Kind to everyone 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ask(){\nif(busy){return;}\nbusy=true;\nif(window.requestAnimationFrame){window.requestAnimationFrame(sync);}\nelse{window.setTimeout(sync,50);}\n}\nwindow.addEventListener(\"scroll\",ask,{passive:true});\nwindow.addEventListener(\"resize\",ask);\nwindow.addEventListener(\"orientationchange\",ask);\nwindow.addEventListener(\"load\",ask);\ndocument.addEventListener(\"focusin\",function(e){typing=field(e.target);ask();});\ndocument.addEventListener(\"focusout\",function(){typing=false;ask();});\nif(MQ){\nif(MQ.addEventListener){MQ.addEventListener(\"change\",ask);}\nelse if(MQ.addListener){MQ.addListener(ask);}\n}\nask();\n})();\/*>*\/<\/script>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group alignfull eqp has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-69fa9525 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;padding:0px 22px\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n<div style=\"color:#6b6259;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.455), 18px);font-style:normal;font-weight:400;margin-top:54px;margin-bottom:0\" class=\"has-link-color wp-elements-1 wp-block-post-date has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\"><time datetime=\"2026-06-02T10:00:00+02:00\">2 lipnja, 2026<\/time><\/div>\n\n<div style=\"color:#6b6259;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.455), 18px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:uppercase;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0\" class=\"taxonomy-category has-link-color wp-elements-2 wp-block-post-terms has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\"><a href=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/category\/body-and-mind\/\" rel=\"tag\">Body and Mind<\/a><span class=\"wp-block-post-terms__separator\">, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/category\/deep-dive\/\" rel=\"tag\">Deep Dive<\/a><span class=\"wp-block-post-terms__separator\">, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/category\/relationship\/\" rel=\"tag\">Relationships<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n<h1 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-playfair-display-font-family\" id=\"top\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:24px;margin-bottom:10px;font-size:clamp(26.944px, 1.684rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 2.165), 46px);font-style:normal;font-weight:800;line-height:1.12\">Why Is It So Hard to Be Kind to Yourself?<\/h1>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family eq-subtitle wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:20px;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.114), 15px);font-weight:600;letter-spacing:.14em;line-height:1.5\">Compassion, self-compassion and the evidence<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#524a42;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:22px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.55\">What compassion is and what it is not, why caring for others can wear you out, what it means to be kind to yourself, why so many people manage one and not the other, why kindness can feel uncomfortable, what actually helps, and what nobody knows yet<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"eq-credit\" style=\"--eq-credit-ac:#4a6147\">Written by <a href=\"\/our-team-ivana\/\" rel=\"author\">Ivana<\/a>, psychologist and psychotherapist<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#6b6259;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.114), 15px);line-height:1.5\"><strong style=\"color:#4a6147\">18 minute read<\/strong> &nbsp;&middot;&nbsp; 4,085 words<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<!-- eq-post-top -->\n<div class=\"pt-on\" hidden data-src=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/self-compassion-post-top.jpg\" data-w=\"390\" 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Measured on the\n      \/\/ drawing's row, not the band: story paragraphs still loading into the masthead sit below it for a moment.\n      var fs = getComputedStyle(fig);\n      var slack = fig.offsetHeight + parseFloat(fs.marginTop) + parseFloat(fs.marginBottom) - words.offsetHeight;\n      mh.style.setProperty('--pt-lift', Math.max(0, Math.round(slack * 0.1)) + 'px');\n    }\n    fit();\n    addEventListener('resize', fit);\n    \/\/ The text grows when the site's fonts arrive: measure again then.\n    if (document.fonts) document.fonts.ready.then(fit);\n    addEventListener('load', fit);\n    function tidy() {\n      var after = document.createDocumentFragment();\n      while (fig.nextSibling) after.appendChild(fig.nextSibling);\n      mh.parentNode.insertBefore(after, mh.nextSibling);\n      \/\/ The part dots sit at the left edge, over a drawing there: they fade in once the band is behind them.\n      var rail = document.getElementById('eqp-parts');\n      if (!rail) return;\n      function dots() { rail.classList.toggle('pt-hide', mh.getBoundingClientRect().bottom > rail.getBoundingClientRect().top); }\n      addEventListener('scroll', dots, { passive: true });\n      addEventListener('resize', dots);\n      dots();\n    }\n    if (document.readyState === 'loading') document.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded', tidy); else tidy();\n    return true;\n  }\n  if (!run()) document.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded', run);\n})();\n<\/script>\n<!-- \/eq-post-top -->\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family eq-drop wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#35302a;margin-top:46px;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.642px, 0.915rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.836), 22px);line-height:1.62\">Think about the last time a friend told you they&#8217;d messed something up. You probably didn&#8217;t tell them they were an idiot. You probably said something like: that sounds really hard, anyone could have done that, you&#8217;ll sort it out. Now think about the last time you messed something up, and what you said to yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">For a lot of people, those two voices sound nothing alike. <strong class=\"eqb\">If that&#8217;s you, you&#8217;re far from alone<\/strong>, and that gap is what this article is about. Compassion is something most of us recognize the moment we receive it, and something researchers have spent the last twenty years trying to pin down: what it actually is, why it can wear you out, what happens when you try to point it at yourself, and why that&#8217;s so much harder than it sounds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">The short answer to the title is that <strong class=\"eqb\">compassion means noticing that someone is struggling and wanting to help<\/strong>. The longer answer is more interesting, and it has a surprise in the middle.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-4ccedd2e wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"border-color:#e8e1d5;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:22px;background-color:#faf8f3;margin-top:56px;margin-bottom:20px;padding:30px 34px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#6b6259;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:22px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WHAT THIS ARTICLE COVERS &middot; SEVEN PARTS<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-rank-math-toc-block\">\n<div class=\"eq-toc\"><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><p hidden><\/p><span class=\"num\">PART 1<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-1\">Feeling with, feeling for<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">4 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>2 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#noticing-and-then-doing-something\">Noticing, and then doing something<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#catching-a-feeling-sharing-it-and-caring-about-it\">Catching a feeling, sharing it, and caring about it<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#what-the-people-receiving-it-say\">What the people receiving it say<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#where-kindness-fits\">Where kindness fits<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><p hidden><\/p><span class=\"num\">PART 2<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-2\">When caring wears you down<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">4 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>2 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#an-exhaustion-that-is-real\">An exhaustion that is real<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#too-much-sharing-not-too-much-caring\">Too much sharing, not too much caring<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#can-you-practice-the-part-that-protects-you\">Can you practice the part that protects you?<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#if-this-is-you\">If this is you<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><p hidden><\/p><span class=\"num\">PART 3<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-3\">Turning it around<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">4 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>3 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#three-things-each-with-an-opposite\">Three things, each with an opposite<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#it-is-not-the-same-as-self-esteem\">It is not the same as self-esteem<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#it-does-not-mean-letting-yourself-off\">It does not mean letting yourself off<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#being-less-harsh-may-matter-as-much-as-being-warmer\">Being less harsh may matter as much as being warmer<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><p hidden><\/p><span class=\"num\">PART 4<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-4\">Kind to everyone but yourself<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">3 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>2 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#the-two-barely-go-together\">The two barely go together<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#what-this-means-if-it-describes-you\">What this means if it describes you<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#they-work-best-together\">They work best together<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><p hidden><\/p><span class=\"num\">PART 5<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-5\">Why warmth can feel like a threat<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">3 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>2 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#when-kindness-is-the-hard-part\">When kindness is the hard part<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#why-it-makes-sense\">Why it makes sense<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#the-flare-when-the-door-opens\">The flare when the door opens<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><p hidden><\/p><span class=\"num\">PART 6<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-6\">What actually helps<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">4 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>2 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#the-programs-briefly\">The programs, briefly<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#better-than-nothing-by-a-fair-margin\">Better than nothing, by a fair margin<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#about-as-good-as-other-good-therapies\">About as good as other good therapies<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#kindness-needs-practicing-on-purpose\">Kindness needs practicing on purpose<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><p hidden><\/p><span class=\"num\">PART 7<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-7\">What nobody knows yet<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">4 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>2 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#the-brain-map-is-not-settled\">The brain map is not settled<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#the-love-hormone-is-not-the-compassion-hormone\">The love hormone is not the compassion hormone<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#the-nerve-and-the-heartbeat\">The nerve and the heartbeat<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#what-stays\">What stays<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"ov-part\"><div class=\"no\">01<\/div><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Part one of seven<\/p><h2 id=\"part-1\">Feeling with, feeling for<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">What compassion is, and what it is not<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"noticing-and-then-doing-something\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Noticing, and then doing something<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Researchers don&#8217;t agree on one definition of compassion, but most of their definitions come down to two moves. <strong class=\"eqb\">The first is noticing that someone is suffering. The second is wanting to do something about it.<\/strong> Paul Gilbert, the British psychologist who developed compassion-focused therapy, puts both in one line: being sensitive to suffering, in yourself and in others, and committed to trying to relieve it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Both halves matter. <strong class=\"eqb\">Noticing without any wish to help is closer to watching.<\/strong> Helping without really noticing is closer to duty, the kind of help that ticks a box and leaves the other person feeling like a task. You&#8217;ve probably been on the receiving end of both. Even the World Health Organization, in a recent report arguing that compassion belongs at the heart of everyday health care, describes it in three words with the same shape: awareness, empathy and action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"catching-a-feeling-sharing-it-and-caring-about-it\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Catching a feeling, sharing it, and caring about it<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">It helps to think of it as three steps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">The first is catching a feeling without quite noticing that you caught it. One baby starts crying because another baby is crying. You walk into a tense room and feel tense before anyone has said a word. Researchers call this <em class=\"eqi\">emotional contagion<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">The second step is empathy. You feel some of what the other person feels, and you know that it&#8217;s theirs. Your friend tells you about their breakup and you feel a heaviness that is really their heaviness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">The third step is compassion. <strong class=\"eqb\">You&#8217;re no longer only feeling with them; you&#8217;re feeling for them, and something in you turns toward helping.<\/strong> You stay a bit longer. You ask what they need tonight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">You can reach the second step and stop there. You can feel someone&#8217;s pain very clearly and still, in the end, look away from it, because it&#8217;s simply too much. If you&#8217;ve ever done that and felt bad about it, that&#8217;s human. That gap between the second and third steps turns out to matter a great deal, and part two comes back to it.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:40px;margin-bottom:48px\"><figure class=\"ra-fig cp-ld\" id=\"cp-ld\"><div class=\"hd\"><p class=\"ti\">From catching a feeling to caring<\/p><p class=\"q\">Three steps, and it is possible to stop at the second<\/p><\/div><div class=\"pick\"><p class=\"pl\"><label for=\"cp-ld-sel\">Pick a situation<\/label><\/p><div class=\"chips\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"Pick a situation\"><button type=\"button\" data-i=\"0\" aria-pressed=\"true\">a friend tells you their relationship has ended<\/button><button type=\"button\" data-i=\"1\" aria-pressed=\"false\">a colleague is crying in the kitchen at work<\/button><button type=\"button\" data-i=\"2\" aria-pressed=\"false\">your child is frightened before a doctor\u2019s appointment<\/button><\/div><select class=\"cp-sel\" id=\"cp-ld-sel\"><option value=\"0\" selected>a friend tells you their relationship has ended<\/option><option value=\"1\">a colleague is crying in the kitchen at work<\/option><option value=\"2\">your child is frightened before a doctor\u2019s appointment<\/option><\/select><\/div><ol class=\"steps\"><li class=\"st s0\"><div class=\"lab\"><span class=\"n\">1<\/span><p class=\"nm\">catching it<\/p><p class=\"tm\">emotional contagion<\/p><\/div><div class=\"bd\"><p class=\"df\">The feeling spreads to you before you register whose it is.<\/p><p class=\"ex\" id=\"cp-ld-0\">You feel suddenly heavy and low, without quite noticing that the feeling arrived with their news.<\/p><\/div><\/li><li class=\"st s1\"><div class=\"lab\"><span class=\"n\">2<\/span><p class=\"nm\">feeling with<\/p><p class=\"tm\">empathy<\/p><\/div><div class=\"bd\"><p class=\"df\">You share the feeling and know it belongs to them.<\/p><p class=\"ex\" id=\"cp-ld-1\">You feel some of their grief and you know it is theirs. It is hard to sit there with it.<\/p><\/div><\/li><li class=\"st s2\"><div class=\"lab\"><span class=\"n\">3<\/span><p class=\"nm\">feeling for<\/p><p class=\"tm\">compassion<\/p><\/div><div class=\"bd\"><p class=\"df\">You care about their suffering, and you are pulled toward helping.<\/p><p class=\"ex\" id=\"cp-ld-2\">You feel for them, and something in you turns toward helping: you stay, and you ask what they need tonight.<\/p><\/div><\/li><\/ol><p class=\"il\">The lines under each step are illustrations, not findings.<\/p><figcaption>Researchers separate three responses to someone else\u2019s pain. <b>Emotional contagion<\/b> is catching the feeling without registering that it is theirs. <b>Empathy<\/b> is sharing it while knowing it is theirs. <b>Compassion<\/b> is feeling for them, with a pull toward helping. Sharing pain without moving to the third step is the point at which, according to one influential account, caring starts to wear people down.<\/figcaption><\/figure><script>(function(){var D=[[\"You feel suddenly heavy and low, without quite noticing that the feeling arrived with their news.\",\"You feel some of their grief and you know it is theirs. It is hard to sit there with it.\",\"You feel for them, and something in you turns toward helping: you stay, and you ask what they need tonight.\"],[\"Your chest tightens and you want to leave the room, without knowing quite why.\",\"You sense how exposed they must feel, and it stings a little for you too.\",\"You close the door, sit down near them, and ask whether they would like company or some space.\"],[\"Their fear rises in you too, and your own voice starts to shake.\",\"You remember what that fear is like, and you feel it with them while knowing it is theirs.\",\"You hold their hand, tell them what will happen, and stay steady so they can borrow some of it.\"]];var f=document.getElementById(\"cp-ld\");if(!f)return;var bs=f.querySelectorAll(\".chips button\");for(var i=0;i<bs.length;i++){bs[i].addEventListener(\"click\",function(){var s=D[+this.getAttribute(\"data-i\")];for(var j=0;j<bs.length;j++){bs[j].setAttribute(\"aria-pressed\",bs[j]===this?\"true\":\"false\");}for(var k=0;k<3;k++){var el=document.getElementById(\"cp-ld-\"+k);if(el){el.textContent=s[k];}}});}})();\/*>*\/<\/script><script>(function(){var f=document.getElementById(\"cp-ld\");var sel=document.getElementById(\"cp-ld-sel\");if(!f||!sel)return;var bs=f.querySelectorAll(\".chips button\");sel.addEventListener(\"change\",function(){var b=bs[+sel.value];if(b){b.click();}});for(var i=0;i<bs.length;i++){bs[i].addEventListener(\"click\",function(){sel.value=this.getAttribute(\"data-i\");});}})();\/*>*\/<\/script><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"what-the-people-receiving-it-say\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">What the people receiving it say<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">The clearest way to tell these apart comes from people on the receiving end. Researchers in Canada asked people with advanced cancer what sympathy, empathy and compassion felt like when someone offered them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Sympathy was the one nobody wanted. It felt like pity, from someone looking at their situation from the outside without really understanding it. Empathy was better: someone trying to feel what they were going through. But <strong class=\"eqb\">compassion was what they wanted most<\/strong>. It had the understanding of empathy, and then it did something, often something small that went beyond what anyone was obliged to do. It&#8217;s the kind of thing you remember years later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"where-kindness-fits\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Where kindness fits<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Kindness and compassion overlap all the time, but <strong class=\"eqb\">compassion always starts with someone struggling<\/strong>. You can be kind to a stranger who is having a perfectly nice day. You can&#8217;t really be compassionate toward them, because there&#8217;s nothing to be compassionate about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">That&#8217;s why compassion can feel heavier than kindness. It asks you to look at somebody&#8217;s pain and stay with it long enough to help.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"ov-part\"><div class=\"no\">02<\/div><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Part two of seven<\/p><h2 id=\"part-2\">When caring wears you down<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">Why helping people can leave you empty, and what might protect you<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"an-exhaustion-that-is-real\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">An exhaustion that is real<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">If you look after other people, as a nurse, a carer, the parent of a sick child, or simply the friend everyone calls, you may know a particular kind of tiredness. It builds up slowly. It can make you numb, or short with the very people you care about. And it usually comes with guilt, because it feels like proof that you&#8217;ve stopped caring.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Most people call this compassion fatigue. <strong class=\"eqb\">The tiredness is real, and you&#8217;re not imagining it.<\/strong> What researchers have started to question is the name, because it suggests you ran out of compassion, and that may be the wrong way round.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"too-much-sharing-not-too-much-caring\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Too much sharing, not too much caring<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">When researchers looked across dozens of studies of compassion fatigue in health care, they found something odd. The questionnaire most of those studies used doesn&#8217;t measure compassion at all. It measures stress and burnout. And <strong class=\"eqb\">nothing in those studies showed that the most compassionate carers were the ones who burned out<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Two neuroscientists suggested a different explanation, and it goes back to the three steps. Sharing someone&#8217;s pain, step two, is costly. Watching someone in pain activates some of the same parts of the brain that respond when you&#8217;re hurt yourself. If you keep taking in pain and never get to step three, where it turns into caring and doing something, that pain turns into distress of your own. And people protect themselves from distress by pulling away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">So they suggested a better name: <em class=\"eqi\">empathic distress fatigue<\/em>. Seen this way, <strong class=\"eqb\">compassion isn&#8217;t the thing that runs out. It may be what protects you.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"can-you-practice-the-part-that-protects-you\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Can you practice the part that protects you?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">There&#8217;s some good evidence that you can. In a large German study, people were randomly assigned to months of different kinds of mental training. <strong class=\"eqb\">Only the training built around compassion and kindness made people feel less upset<\/strong> when they looked at pictures of other people suffering. Training attention didn&#8217;t, and neither did training people to see things from someone else&#8217;s point of view.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Only a handful of studies have tried self-compassion training with people in caring jobs, and they look promising: in one trial with psychologists, a six-week online course eased stress and burnout. Whether it protects nurses and carers over years of the work hasn&#8217;t been tested yet, but it points somewhere hopeful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"if-this-is-you\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">If this is you<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">If you recognize that tiredness, <strong class=\"eqb\">none of this means that you cared too much or cared wrong<\/strong>. It suggests the draining part may be the pain you take in and have nowhere to put, and that the part that turns it into care is something you can practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-558bc9ce wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#f9ece6;border-radius:18px;margin-top:4px;margin-bottom:30px;padding-top:24px;padding-right:28px;padding-bottom:24px;padding-left:28px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#7f3f28;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:12.5px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WHAT HELPS<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.568), 19px);line-height:1.7\">\n<li>Notice when you&#8217;re only absorbing someone&#8217;s pain, and ask yourself what small thing you could actually do.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Let yourself step back for a while without calling it failure. Rest is part of caring for a long time.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Give yourself some of the care you give everyone else. Part three is about exactly that.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">The article on this site about <a href=\"\/boundaries-boundaries-boundaries\/\" style=\"color:#a4553a;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1.5px;text-decoration-color:#ecc9b9\">boundaries<\/a> looks at the other side of this: what happens to your own needs while you look after everyone else&#8217;s.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"ov-part\"><div class=\"no\">03<\/div><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Part three of seven<\/p><h2 id=\"part-3\">Turning it around<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">What it means to be kind to yourself, and what it does not mean<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"three-things-each-with-an-opposite\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Three things, each with an opposite<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Self-compassion is the same thing pointed inward: <strong class=\"eqb\">noticing that you&#8217;re struggling, and treating yourself with some care instead of contempt<\/strong>. The psychologist Kristin Neff, whose model most research uses, describes it as three things, each with an opposite.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\"><strong class=\"eqb\">Self-kindness<\/strong>, instead of self-judgment, means being understanding with yourself when you fail, rather than tearing into yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\"><strong class=\"eqb\">Common humanity<\/strong>, instead of isolation, means remembering that messing up, struggling and feeling awful are part of being a person, not proof that something is uniquely wrong with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\"><strong class=\"eqb\">Mindfulness<\/strong>, instead of over-identification, means noticing that you feel terrible without letting the feeling become the whole story of who you are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">A simple way to find out which side you&#8217;re on is to <strong class=\"eqb\">ask what you&#8217;d say to a friend in exactly the same situation<\/strong>, and then compare it with what you actually said to yourself. Try it next time. The difference can be quite a shock!<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:40px;margin-bottom:48px\"><figure class=\"ra-fig cp-vo\" id=\"cp-vo\"><div class=\"hd\"><p class=\"ti\">Three pairs<\/p><p class=\"q\">You snapped at someone you love, and they went quiet. What does the voice in your head say next?<\/p><\/div><div class=\"ctl\"><div class=\"ra-seg\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"Which voice\"><button type=\"button\" data-o=\"0\" aria-pressed=\"true\">the harsh version<\/button><button type=\"button\" data-o=\"1\" aria-pressed=\"false\">the self-compassionate version<\/button><\/div><\/div><ol class=\"prs\"><li class=\"pr\"><p class=\"pn\"><span class=\"h\">self-judgment<\/span><span class=\"k\">self-kindness<\/span><\/p><p class=\"ln\"><span class=\"h\">\u201cOf course you did. You always ruin things.\u201d<\/span><span class=\"k\">\u201cThat was not how you wanted to be. You were exhausted, and you can put it right.\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/li><li class=\"pr\"><p class=\"pn\"><span class=\"h\">isolation<\/span><span class=\"k\">common humanity<\/span><\/p><p class=\"ln\"><span class=\"h\">\u201cNobody else would have done that. Something is wrong with you.\u201d<\/span><span class=\"k\">\u201cTired people snap at people they love. It happens in every family.\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/li><li class=\"pr\"><p class=\"pn\"><span class=\"h\">over-identification<\/span><span class=\"k\">mindfulness<\/span><\/p><p class=\"ln\"><span class=\"h\">\u201cThis is who you are. You will be replaying it all night.\u201d<\/span><span class=\"k\">\u201cThis feels awful right now. It is one evening, not the whole of you.\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/li><\/ol><p class=\"il\">The sentences are illustrations. The three pairs are Kristin Neff\u2019s model.<\/p><figcaption>Self-compassion, in the model most research uses, is three things, each set against an opposite: <b>self-kindness<\/b> rather than self-judgment, <b>common humanity<\/b> rather than isolation, and <b>mindfulness<\/b> rather than over-identification. The research on the scale suggests the harsh side does most of the work: it is the part most strongly linked with distress, so turning it down may matter as much as turning warmth up.<\/figcaption><\/figure><script>(function(){var f=document.getElementById(\"cp-vo\");if(!f)return;var bs=f.querySelectorAll(\".ra-seg button\");for(var i=0;i<bs.length;i++){bs[i].addEventListener(\"click\",function(){var on=this.getAttribute(\"data-o\")===\"1\";for(var j=0;j<bs.length;j++){bs[j].setAttribute(\"aria-pressed\",bs[j]===this?\"true\":\"false\");}if(on){f.classList.add(\"kind\");}else{f.classList.remove(\"kind\");}});}})();\/*>*\/<\/script><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"it-is-not-the-same-as-self-esteem\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">It is not the same as self-esteem<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Self-esteem is about how good you think you are. Self-compassion is about how you treat yourself when you&#8217;re not doing well, and that&#8217;s where the two come apart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Self-esteem rises and falls with how things are going. It feels great when you succeed and can vanish when you fail, which is exactly when you need something to hold on to. At its extreme it can shade into narcissism. In a large Dutch study, self-compassion went with a steadier sense of worth that didn&#8217;t depend on how things were going, and unlike self-esteem, it wasn&#8217;t linked with narcissism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">The two aren&#8217;t rivals. People who have one often have the other, and both go with being happier. But <strong class=\"eqb\">self-esteem asks whether you are good enough, and self-compassion does not need the answer to be yes<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"it-does-not-mean-letting-yourself-off\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">It does not mean letting yourself off<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">You might worry that if you stop being hard on yourself, you&#8217;ll stop trying. The inner critic can feel like the thing that keeps you going.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">The research points the other way. In a set of experiments at an American university, students who were encouraged to be kind to themselves after failing a test went on to study longer for the next one than students who were simply encouraged to feel good about themselves. People who thought kindly about a mistake they had made felt more motivated to make amends and not to repeat it. <strong class=\"eqb\">Being kind to themselves made it easier to face what they had done, not harder.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Those experiments are small and come from one lab, so they&#8217;re a hint rather than proof. But the wider research points the same way: people who are kinder to themselves tend to deal with problems more actively, avoid them less, and look after their health a little better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"being-less-harsh-may-matter-as-much-as-being-warmer\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Being less harsh may matter as much as being warmer<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Researchers have argued for years about how self-compassion should be measured, and the argument holds one very practical lesson. The questionnaire most studies use asks about two sides: how kind you are to yourself, and how harsh. The team that built it finds it still works as one overall score, while critics say the two sides behave quite differently. Either way, when the two sides were looked at separately, it was mostly the harsh side that went with feeling low and anxious: the self-judgment, the sense of being alone with it, and being swallowed up by it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">So if being warm and gentle with yourself feels fake right now, you don&#8217;t have to start there. <strong class=\"eqb\">The first step may simply be turning down the harshness.<\/strong> The article on this site about <a href=\"\/overthinking\/\" style=\"color:#a4553a;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1.5px;text-decoration-color:#ecc9b9\">overthinking<\/a> reached the same place from another direction: the harm in going over things seemed to lie less in the thinking than in judging yourself while you do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-558bc9ce wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#f9ece6;border-radius:18px;margin-top:4px;margin-bottom:30px;padding-top:24px;padding-right:28px;padding-bottom:24px;padding-left:28px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#7f3f28;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:12.5px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WHAT HELPS<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.568), 19px);line-height:1.7\">\n<li>When you catch the harsh voice, ask what you&#8217;d say to a friend who&#8217;d done the same thing.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Aim for less harsh before you aim for warm. Neutral is a real improvement.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Remind yourself that struggling is part of being a person, not proof that something is wrong with you.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"ov-part\"><div class=\"no\">04<\/div><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Part four of seven<\/p><h2 id=\"part-4\">Kind to everyone but yourself<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">Warm to others, harsh with yourself<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"the-two-barely-go-together\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">The two barely go together<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">You might expect that people who are warm and forgiving with others would be warm and forgiving with themselves. It sounds like the same skill.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Researchers recently put that to the test by combining almost 200 studies from around the world that had measured both. The link between the two turned out to be weak. <strong class=\"eqb\">Knowing how kind someone is to other people tells you very little about how kind they are to themselves.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:40px;margin-bottom:48px\"><figure class=\"ra-fig cp-sc\" id=\"cp-sc\"><div class=\"hd\"><p class=\"ti\">Kind to everyone but yourself<\/p><p class=\"q\">How closely does compassion for others go with compassion for yourself?<\/p><\/div><div class=\"lay\"><div class=\"plot\"><p class=\"ya\">compassion for yourself<\/p><svg viewBox=\"0 0 320 320\" role=\"img\" aria-label=\"A cloud of 150 dots. 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Plenty of people who are warm toward others sit low on warmth toward themselves, and the reverse.<\/p><\/div><\/div><figcaption>Each dot is an imaginary person, drawn from a population with the correlation shown. 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Plenty of people who are warm toward others sit low on warmth toward themselves, and the reverse.\";}if(r<0.7){return \"At <b>\"+r.toFixed(2)+\"<\/b>, a tilt is easy to see, but many people still sit far from the line.\";}return \"At <b>\"+r.toFixed(2)+\"<\/b>, the two would move almost together. This is what the research did not find.\";}function draw(v){var r=v\/100,k=Math.sqrt(1-r*r);for(var i=0;i<cs.length;i++){var y=r*X[i]+k*Z[i];cs[i].setAttribute(\"cy\",(H-sx(y)).toFixed(1));}num.textContent=r.toFixed(2);out.innerHTML=say(r);for(var j=0;j<bs.length;j++){bs[j].setAttribute(\"aria-pressed\",(+bs[j].getAttribute(\"data-v\"))===v?\"true\":\"false\");}}inp.addEventListener(\"input\",function(){draw(+inp.value);});for(var i=0;i<bs.length;i++){bs[i].addEventListener(\"click\",function(){var v=+this.getAttribute(\"data-v\");inp.value=v;draw(v);});}})();\/*>*\/<\/script><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"what-this-means-if-it-describes-you\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">What this means if it describes you<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">If you&#8217;re the person who always has time for everyone else&#8217;s problems, who forgives your friends without thinking twice, and who talks to yourself in a way you&#8217;d never talk to anyone you love, <strong class=\"eqb\">you are not strange and you are not a hypocrite!!<\/strong> It&#8217;s the ordinary pattern. The two directions are separate enough that it&#8217;s very common to be good at one and not the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">It also means you don&#8217;t have to fix how you feel about yourself before you can be good to other people. You probably already love others well. What you may not have had yet is the same treatment from yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"they-work-best-together\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">They work best together<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">The same review found something else. In the studies where the two went together more closely, both were more strongly linked with feeling well. It&#8217;s a pattern across studies rather than proof about any one person, but it suggests the goal isn&#8217;t to trade one for the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">And <strong class=\"eqb\">being kind to yourself doesn&#8217;t seem to make people selfish<\/strong>. A recent review found that people who are more self-compassionate tend, if anything, to help others a little more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">There may even be a link back to the carers in part two. People who are kinder to themselves feel less overwhelmed when they see someone else suffering, which is exactly the point at which caring starts to wear people down. Nobody has proven that one leads to the other, but it fits.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"ov-part\"><div class=\"no\">05<\/div><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Part five of seven<\/p><h2 id=\"part-5\">Why warmth can feel like a threat<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">Fear of kindness, and what to do about it<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"when-kindness-is-the-hard-part\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">When kindness is the hard part<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">For some people, being kind to themselves doesn&#8217;t feel like relief. It feels uncomfortable, fake, or even frightening. <strong class=\"eqb\">If that&#8217;s how it feels to you, you&#8217;re not doing it wrong.<\/strong> Therapists noticed this long before researchers measured it, especially in people who are very self-critical.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Researchers built questionnaires to measure fear of compassion: fear of being kind to others, fear of receiving kindness from others, and fear of being kind to yourself. When the studies using them were pooled, the fear of being kind to yourself and the fear of receiving kindness were the two most closely linked with low mood, shame and self-criticism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"why-it-makes-sense\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Why it makes sense<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">If closeness in your life has come with criticism or unpredictability, <strong class=\"eqb\">warmth can feel like the moment before something goes wrong<\/strong>. If a harsh inner voice has kept you working, kept you out of trouble and kept you from being caught off guard, softening it can feel like putting down your guard. People who fear kindness are also more likely to be hard on themselves and to feel insecure in close relationships, which the article on this site about <a href=\"\/attachment-styles\/\" style=\"color:#a4553a;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1.5px;text-decoration-color:#ecc9b9\">attachment styles<\/a> looks at from the other side.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">One small British experiment shows how strange this can get. People were given oxytocin, a hormone often linked with closeness, on one visit and a placebo on another, and each time were guided through an exercise in imagining compassion. For those who were very self-critical, the exercise felt less pleasant with the oxytocin than without it. It&#8217;s one small study, but it fits what many people describe: a nudge toward warmth can be hardest for exactly the people who might need warmth most.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"the-flare-when-the-door-opens\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">The flare when the door opens<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Teachers of self-compassion have a name for the rough patch some people hit when they begin: <em class=\"eqi\">backdraft<\/em>. It comes from firefighting, where opening the door to a burning room lets air rush in and the fire suddenly flares. When warmth arrives, old pain can come up with it, and people sometimes feel worse before they feel better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">It&#8217;s a name from practice rather than something that has been properly studied yet. But it matches what people with depression and anxiety said in a British interview study: being kind to themselves felt meaningful and worth doing, and also really hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">So <strong class=\"eqb\">if kindness toward yourself feels uncomfortable, that is information, not failure<\/strong>. It&#8217;s common, it makes sense, and it&#8217;s a reason to go slowly rather than to decide that it isn&#8217;t for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-558bc9ce wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#f9ece6;border-radius:18px;margin-top:4px;margin-bottom:30px;padding-top:24px;padding-right:28px;padding-bottom:24px;padding-left:28px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#7f3f28;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:12.5px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WHAT HELPS<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.568), 19px);line-height:1.7\">\n<li>Start small. One slightly kinder sentence to yourself counts.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>If it stirs up old pain, slow down rather than stop.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>If it keeps feeling frightening, that&#8217;s worth bringing to a therapist. You don&#8217;t have to push through it alone.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>If the harsh voice ever tells you that people would be better off without you, please talk to someone today, and read the article on this site about <a href=\"\/suicidal-thoughts\/#if-it-is-you\" style=\"color:#a4553a;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1.5px;text-decoration-color:#ecc9b9\">suicidal thoughts<\/a>. If you&#8217;re in danger right now, call your local emergency number.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"ov-part\"><div class=\"no\">06<\/div><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Part six of seven<\/p><h2 id=\"part-6\">What actually helps<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">What practice changes, and what it does not<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"the-programs-briefly\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">The programs, briefly<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">There are several structured ways to learn compassion. <strong class=\"eqb\">The most studied is compassion-focused therapy, which Paul Gilbert developed for people struggling with shame and self-criticism.<\/strong> Mindful Self-Compassion is an eight-week group course created by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer, built around practices such as writing yourself a compassionate letter, or placing a hand on your chest when things are hard. Others, like Compassion Cultivation Training, grew out of meditation traditions and work on kindness toward others as well as toward yourself. Many of them include loving-kindness meditation, where you quietly wish people well: someone you love, someone you barely know, and yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"better-than-nothing-by-a-fair-margin\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Better than nothing, by a fair margin<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\"><strong class=\"eqb\">Compared with doing nothing, these programs clearly help.<\/strong> Across dozens of trials, people who took part became kinder to themselves and less self-critical, and felt less depressed, anxious and stressed. The improvement in mood also kept growing after the course had ended.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"about-as-good-as-other-good-therapies\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">About as good as other good therapies<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">The fairer test is to compare them with another real treatment, such as a different kind of therapy or relaxation training, rather than with people on a waiting list. When researchers do that, most reviews find the advantage largely disappears. <strong class=\"eqb\">Compassion programs work about as well as other good approaches, not better.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">That&#8217;s still a respectable result. It means compassion training is one good road among several, and it&#8217;s fine to choose the one that suits you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">People in the other therapies became more self-compassionate too, and in both groups, the more that happened, the more their symptoms improved. Self-compassion may be less a special ingredient than something many good therapies build along the way.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:40px;margin-bottom:48px\"><figure class=\"ra-fig cp-cm\" id=\"cp-cm\"><div class=\"hd\"><p class=\"ti\">What practice changes<\/p><p class=\"q\">The same kind of program, compared two ways<\/p><\/div><div class=\"ctl\"><div class=\"ra-seg\" role=\"group\" aria-label=\"Which comparison\"><button type=\"button\" data-o=\"w\" aria-pressed=\"true\">against a waiting list<\/button><button type=\"button\" data-o=\"a\" aria-pressed=\"false\">against another active treatment<\/button><\/div><\/div><div class=\"bars\"><div class=\"row w\"><p class=\"bl\">Against a waiting list<\/p><div class=\"tr\"><span class=\"tk\" style=\"left:20.0%\"><span class=\"tl\">small<\/span><\/span><span class=\"tk\" style=\"left:50.0%\"><span class=\"tl\">medium<\/span><\/span><span class=\"tk\" style=\"left:80.0%\"><span class=\"tl\">large<\/span><\/span><span class=\"b\" style=\"width:86.0%\"><\/span><\/div><p class=\"bv\">d = 0.86 <span>a large effect<\/span><\/p><\/div><div class=\"row a\"><p class=\"bl\">Against another active treatment<\/p><div class=\"tr\"><span class=\"tk\" style=\"left:20.0%\"><span class=\"tl\">small<\/span><\/span><span class=\"tk\" style=\"left:50.0%\"><span class=\"tl\">medium<\/span><\/span><span class=\"tk\" style=\"left:80.0%\"><span class=\"tl\">large<\/span><\/span><span class=\"b\" style=\"width:19.0%\"><\/span><\/div><p class=\"bv\">d = 0.19 <span>a small effect<\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><p class=\"res\" id=\"cp-cm-res\">Compared with people still <b>waiting for a place<\/b>, self-compassion rose by a large amount.<\/p><figcaption>Eight randomized trials of compassion programs in <b>Thailand, Japan, China and Hong Kong<\/b>, pooled in 2023. The rise in self-compassion was large against a waiting list and small against an active comparison. Larger meta-analyses from other countries show the same pattern: <b>clearly better than nothing, and about as good as other good approaches<\/b>.<\/figcaption><\/figure><script>(function(){var f=document.getElementById(\"cp-cm\");if(!f)return;var out=document.getElementById(\"cp-cm-res\");var T={w:\"Compared with people still <b>waiting for a place<\/b>, self-compassion rose by a large amount.\",a:\"Compared with people given <b>another active treatment<\/b>, the difference was small.\"};var bs=f.querySelectorAll(\".ra-seg button\");for(var i=0;i<bs.length;i++){bs[i].addEventListener(\"click\",function(){var o=this.getAttribute(\"data-o\");for(var j=0;j<bs.length;j++){bs[j].setAttribute(\"aria-pressed\",bs[j]===this?\"true\":\"false\");}f.setAttribute(\"data-o\",o);out.innerHTML=T[o];});}})();\/*>*\/<\/script><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"kindness-needs-practicing-on-purpose\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Kindness needs practicing on purpose<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Two findings stand out. The first is that kindness doesn&#8217;t seem to grow as a side effect of just any calming practice. In the large German study from part two, attention-based mindfulness on its own didn&#8217;t make people more compassionate. The compassion training did, and it made people kinder to themselves as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">The second is that <strong class=\"eqb\">practicing compassion in general tends to lift both directions at once<\/strong>. In one American trial, a nine-week compassion course made people kinder to others, more able to accept kindness, and kinder to themselves. After part four, that&#8217;s good news: the two directions may start out far apart, but practice can move both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">If you want somewhere free to start, the World Health Organization&#8217;s illustrated guide <a href=\"https:\/\/www.who.int\/publications\/i\/item\/9789240003927\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:#a4553a;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1.5px;text-decoration-color:#ecc9b9\">Doing What Matters in Times of Stress<\/a> has a section on being kind to yourself, and it has been translated into many languages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-558bc9ce wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#f9ece6;border-radius:18px;margin-top:4px;margin-bottom:30px;padding-top:24px;padding-right:28px;padding-bottom:24px;padding-left:28px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#7f3f28;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:12.5px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WHAT HELPS<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.568), 19px);line-height:1.7\">\n<li>When a hard moment hits, first name it: \u201cThis is really hard right now.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Then widen it: \u201cOther people feel this too.\u201d You&#8217;re not the only one.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Then offer yourself one kind thing: a hand on your chest, or the sentence you&#8217;d say to a friend in the same spot.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>To try loving-kindness, silently wish someone you love well, with words like \u201cmay you be safe, may you be well,\u201d and then say the same words to yourself.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"ov-part\"><div class=\"no\">07<\/div><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Part seven of seven<\/p><h2 id=\"part-7\">What nobody knows yet<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">A brain map, a hormone and a nerve<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"the-brain-map-is-not-settled\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">The brain map is not settled<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Early brain-scanning studies of compassion told a neat story: compassion showed up in areas linked with reward and closeness, and empathic distress showed up in areas linked with pain. When later researchers pooled the studies together, that neat division didn&#8217;t hold up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Brain scans like these usually involve a few dozen people, and the same person can give quite different results when scanned twice. What we can say is what people feel and do: after compassion training, other people&#8217;s suffering upsets them less, and in several experiments they help more. <strong class=\"eqb\">Where exactly that happens in the brain is still an open question.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"the-love-hormone-is-not-the-compassion-hormone\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">The love hormone is not the compassion hormone<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Oxytocin is often called the love hormone. It does play a part in bonding in other mammals, and in people it probably does something too. But how much depends heavily on how you add up the studies, and one famous early finding, that it made people more trusting, didn&#8217;t hold up when it was carefully repeated, although a 2026 study found a small boost in trust in men who start out distrustful. In the large German training study, a single session of loving-kindness meditation didn&#8217;t trigger a burst of oxytocin, and changes in the hormone didn&#8217;t explain why the training made people calmer under stress. <strong class=\"eqb\">Only thin evidence so far ties oxytocin to compassion in particular.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"the-nerve-and-the-heartbeat\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">The nerve and the heartbeat<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Feeling compassion does come with real changes in the body. When people feel it, their heart rhythm shifts in a pattern linked with the vagus nerve, which has a calming effect on the heart. That much has been measured.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">What&#8217;s still argued over is the bigger theory often built on top of it, polyvagal theory, with its talk of safe states and social circuits. <strong class=\"eqb\">Several of its basic ideas have been seriously challenged.<\/strong> If you want something practical to do with your body, the article on this site about <a href=\"\/slow-breathing\/\" style=\"color:#a4553a;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1.5px;text-decoration-color:#ecc9b9\">slow breathing<\/a> covers what the evidence actually supports.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"what-stays\" style=\"color:#4a6147;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">What stays<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Compassion can point outward or inward, and for many people one direction comes far more easily than the other. That&#8217;s ordinary, not a flaw, and both directions can be practiced. If you&#8217;re kind to everyone but yourself, <strong class=\"eqb\">the kindness you already give other people is the best picture you have of what it could look like pointed back at you<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-7fb17cdc wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#f1f4ef;border-color:#dce5d8;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:20px;margin-top:46px;margin-bottom:46px;padding-top:34px;padding-right:38px;padding-bottom:34px;padding-left:38px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#3a4d38;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:12px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WHAT THE RESEARCH SUPPORTS<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Being kind to others and being kind to yourself are only weakly linked across almost 200 studies, so many people are warm to everyone except themselves. Compassion training clearly helps compared with doing nothing, and in a large study where people were assigned to it at random, it made other people&#8217;s suffering easier to be with.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d4ad4c5d wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#fbf4e6;border-color:#eedcb9;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:20px;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:46px;padding-top:34px;padding-right:38px;padding-bottom:34px;padding-left:38px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#3a4d38;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:12px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WORTH BEING CLEAR ABOUT<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Most of this research relies on questionnaires, and most of it shows things going together rather than one causing the other. Compared with other good treatments, compassion programs do about as well rather than better, many of the trials are small, most of the studies so far have been done in Western countries, and the review at the heart of part four is very new.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">If self-criticism, low mood or exhaustion from caring for others are shaping your weeks, a doctor or a therapist can help in a way that no article can.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-a17e00e2 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#faf8f3;border-color:#e8e1d5;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:18px;margin-top:34px;margin-bottom:44px;padding-top:30px;padding-right:34px;padding-bottom:30px;padding-left:34px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#6b6259;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:14px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">REFERENCES<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" style=\"color:#524a42;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.17), 15.5px);line-height:1.7\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/0146167212445599\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Breines, J. G., &amp; Chen, S. (2012). Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation. <em>Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38<\/em>(9), 1133-1143.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s12671-024-02324-7\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Cai, R. Y. (2024). Backdraft in self-compassion: An overlooked yet vital research focus. <em>Mindfulness, 15<\/em>(3), 716-720.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.cpr.2021.101986\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Chio, F. H. N., Mak, W. W. S., &amp; Yu, B. C. L. (2021). Meta-analytic review on the differential effects of self-compassion components on well-being and psychological distress: The moderating role of dialecticism on self-compassion. <em>Clinical Psychology Review, 85<\/em>, Article 101986.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/bjop.70102\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Chio, F. H. N., Yu, B. C. L., Fu, Y., Chio, J. H. M., &amp; Mak, W. W. S. (2026). The holistic view of compassion: A meta-analysis on the association of self-compassion, other-compassion, well-being and psychological distress. <em>British Journal of Psychology<\/em>. Advance online publication.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1038\/s41562-020-0878-x\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Declerck, C. H., Boone, C., Pauwels, L., Vogt, B., &amp; Fehr, E. (2020). A registered replication study on oxytocin and trust. <em>Nature Human Behaviour, 4<\/em>(6), 646-655.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/0956797620916786\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Elliott, M. L., Knodt, A. R., Ireland, D., Morris, M. L., Poulton, R., Ramrakha, S., Sison, M. L., Moffitt, T. E., Caspi, A., &amp; Hariri, A. R. (2020). What is the test-retest reliability of common task-functional MRI measures? New empirical evidence and a meta-analysis. <em>Psychological Science, 31<\/em>(7), 792-806.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.3389\/fpsyg.2018.02340\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Eriksson, T., Germundsj\u00f6, L., \u00c5str\u00f6m, E., &amp; R\u00f6nnlund, M. (2018). Mindful self-compassion training reduces stress and burnout symptoms among practicing psychologists: A randomized controlled trial of a brief web-based intervention. <em>Frontiers in Psychology, 9<\/em>, Article 2340.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s12671-020-01563-8\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Ewert, C., Vater, A., &amp; Schr\u00f6der-Ab\u00e9, M. (2021). Self-compassion and coping: A meta-analysis. <em>Mindfulness, 12<\/em>(5), 1063-1077.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.neuroimage.2021.118132\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Favre, P., Kanske, P., Engen, H., &amp; Singer, T. (2021). Decreased emotional reactivity after 3-month socio-affective but not attention- or meta-cognitive-based mental training: A randomized, controlled, longitudinal fMRI study. <em>NeuroImage, 237<\/em>, Article 118132.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s12671-019-01134-6\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Ferrari, M., Hunt, C., Harrysunker, A., Abbott, M. J., Beath, A. P., &amp; Einstein, D. A. (2019). Self-compassion interventions and psychosocial outcomes: A meta-analysis of RCTs. <em>Mindfulness, 10<\/em>(8), 1455-1473.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1002\/jclp.22021\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Germer, C. K., &amp; Neff, K. D. (2013). Self-compassion in clinical practice. <em>Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69<\/em>(8), 856-867.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1192\/apt.bp.107.005264\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Gilbert, P. (2009). Introducing compassion-focused therapy. <em>Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, 15<\/em>(3), 199-208.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1186\/s40639-017-0033-3\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Gilbert, P., Catarino, F., Duarte, C., Matos, M., Kolts, R., Stubbs, J., Ceresatto, L., Duarte, J., Pinto-Gouveia, J., &amp; Basran, J. (2017). The development of compassionate engagement and action scales for self and others. <em>Journal of Compassionate Health Care, 4<\/em>(1), Article 4.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1348\/147608310X526511\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Gilbert, P., McEwan, K., Matos, M., &amp; Rivis, A. (2011). Fears of compassion: Development of three self-report measures. <em>Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 84<\/em>(3), 239-255.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.biopsycho.2023.108589\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Grossman, P. (2023). Fundamental challenges and likely refutations of the five basic premises of the polyvagal theory. <em>Biological Psychology, 180<\/em>, Article 108589.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s12671-017-0716-z\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Hildebrandt, L. K., McCall, C., &amp; Singer, T. (2017). Differential effects of attention-, compassion-, and socio-cognitively based mental practices on self-reports of mindfulness and compassion. <em>Mindfulness, 8<\/em>(6), 1488-1512.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.psyneuen.2022.105734\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Hoehne, K., Vrti\u010dka, P., Engert, V., &amp; Singer, T. (2022). Plasma oxytocin is modulated by mental training, but does not mediate its stress-buffering effect. <em>Psychoneuroendocrinology, 141<\/em>, Article 105734.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s10902-012-9373-z\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Jazaieri, H., Jinpa, G. T., McGonigal, K., Rosenberg, E. L., Finkelstein, J., Simon-Thomas, E., Cullen, M., Doty, J. R., Gross, J. J., &amp; Goldin, P. R. (2013). Enhancing compassion: A randomized controlled trial of a Compassion Cultivation Training program. <em>Journal of Happiness Studies, 14<\/em>(4), 1113-1126.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.biopsycho.2025.109112\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Kang, H., Deilhaug, E., Walle, K. M., Sartorius, A. I., &amp; Quintana, D. S. (2025). A multiverse meta-analysis of oxytocin administration studies. <em>Biological Psychology, 201<\/em>, Article 109112.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/papt.12431\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Kariyawasam, L., Ononaiye, M., Irons, C., &amp; Kirby, S. E. (2023). Compassion-based interventions in Asian communities: A meta-analysis of randomised controlled trials. <em>Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 96<\/em>(1), 148-171.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.neubiorev.2019.10.023\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Kim, J. J., Cunnington, R., &amp; Kirby, J. N. (2020). The neurophysiological basis of compassion: An fMRI meta-analysis of compassion and its related neural processes. <em>Neuroscience &amp; Biobehavioral Reviews, 108<\/em>, 112-123.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/papt.12104\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Kirby, J. N. (2017). Compassion interventions: The programmes, the evidence, and implications for research and practice. <em>Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 90<\/em>(3), 432-455.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.cpr.2019.03.001\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Kirby, J. N., Day, J., &amp; Sagar, V. (2019). The &#8216;flow&#8217; of compassion: A meta-analysis of the fears of compassion scales and psychological functioning. <em>Clinical Psychology Review, 70<\/em>, 26-39.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.beth.2017.06.003\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Kirby, J. N., Tellegen, C. L., &amp; Steindl, S. R. (2017). A meta-analysis of compassion-based interventions: Current state of knowledge and future directions. <em>Behavior Therapy, 48<\/em>(6), 778-792.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1093\/cercor\/bhs142\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Klimecki, O. M., Leiberg, S., Lamm, C., &amp; Singer, T. (2013). Functional neural plasticity and associated changes in positive affect after compassion training. <em>Cerebral Cortex, 23<\/em>(7), 1552-1561.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1093\/scan\/nst060\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Klimecki, O. M., Leiberg, S., Ricard, M., &amp; Singer, T. (2014). Differential pattern of functional brain plasticity after compassion and empathy training. <em>Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 9<\/em>(6), 873-879.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1093\/acprof:oso\/9780199738571.003.0253\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Klimecki, O., &amp; Singer, T. (2011). Empathic distress fatigue rather than compassion fatigue? Integrating findings from empathy research in psychology and social neuroscience. In B. Oakley, A. Knafo, G. Madhavan, &amp; D. S. Wilson (Eds.), <em>Pathological altruism<\/em> (pp. 369-383). Oxford University Press.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.3389\/fpsyg.2021.630798\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Kotera, Y., &amp; Van Gordon, W. (2021). Effects of self-compassion training on work-related well-being: A systematic review. <em>Frontiers in Psychology, 12<\/em>, Article 630798.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.neuroimage.2010.10.014\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Lamm, C., Decety, J., &amp; Singer, T. (2011). Meta-analytic evidence for common and distinct neural networks associated with directly experienced pain and empathy for pain. <em>NeuroImage, 54<\/em>(3), 2492-2502.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1371\/journal.pone.0017798\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Leiberg, S., Klimecki, O., &amp; Singer, T. (2011). Short-term compassion training increases prosocial behavior in a newly developed prosocial game. <em>PLOS ONE, 6<\/em>(3), Article e17798.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.paid.2025.113047\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Liu, X., Li, J., &amp; Chen, X. (2025). Does compassion for oneself extend to prosocial behavior for others? Examining the relationship between self-compassion and prosocial behavior using multilevel meta-analysis. <em>Personality and Individual Differences, 237<\/em>, Article 113047.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s12671-020-01363-0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Muris, P., &amp; Otgaar, H. (2020). The process of science: A critical evaluation of more than 15 years of research on self-compassion with the Self-Compassion Scale. <em>Mindfulness, 11<\/em>(6), 1469-1482.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.2147\/PRBM.S402455\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Muris, P., &amp; Otgaar, H. (2023). Self-esteem and self-compassion: A narrative review and meta-analysis on their links to psychological problems and well-being. <em>Psychology Research and Behavior Management, 16<\/em>, 2961-2975.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1002\/cpp.2005\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Muris, P., &amp; Petrocchi, N. (2017). Protection or vulnerability? A meta-analysis of the relations between the positive and negative components of self-compassion and psychopathology. <em>Clinical Psychology &amp; Psychotherapy, 24<\/em>(2), 373-383.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1080\/15298860309027\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Neff, K. D. (2003a). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. <em>Self and Identity, 2<\/em>(3), 223-250.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1080\/15298860309032\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Neff, K. D. (2003b). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. <em>Self and Identity, 2<\/em>(2), 85-101.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1080\/15298868.2011.649546\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Neff, K. D., &amp; Pommier, E. (2013). The relationship between self-compassion and other-focused concern among college undergraduates, community adults, and practicing meditators. <em>Self and Identity, 12<\/em>(2), 160-176.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/pas0000629\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Neff, K. D., T\u00f3th-Kir\u00e1ly, I., Yarnell, L. M., Arimitsu, K., Castilho, P., Ghorbani, N., Guo, H. X., Hirsch, J. K., Hupfeld, J., Hutz, C. S., Kotsou, I., Lee, W. K., Montero-Marin, J., Sirois, F. M., de Souza, L. K., Svendsen, J. L., Wilkinson, R. B., &amp; Mantzios, M. (2019). Examining the factor structure of the Self-Compassion Scale in 20 diverse samples: Support for use of a total score and six subscale scores. <em>Psychological Assessment, 31<\/em>(1), 27-45.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/j.1467-6494.2008.00537.x\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Neff, K. D., &amp; Vonk, R. (2009). Self-compassion versus global self-esteem: Two different ways of relating to oneself. <em>Journal of Personality, 77<\/em>(1), 23-50.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1348\/147608309X471000\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Pauley, G., &amp; McPherson, S. (2010). The experience and meaning of compassion and self-compassion for individuals with depression or anxiety. <em>Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 83<\/em>(2), 129-143.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.cpr.2024.102433\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Petrovic, J., Mettler, J., Cho, S., &amp; Heath, N. L. (2024). The effects of loving-kindness interventions on positive and negative mental health outcomes: A systematic review and meta-analysis. <em>Clinical Psychology Review, 110<\/em>, Article 102433.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1080\/17437199.2019.1705872\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Phillips, W. J., &amp; Hine, D. W. (2021). Self-compassion, physical health, and health behaviour: A meta-analysis. <em>Health Psychology Review, 15<\/em>(1), 113-139.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/a0023861\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Rockliff, H., Karl, A., McEwan, K., Gilbert, J., Matos, M., &amp; Gilbert, P. (2011). Effects of intranasal oxytocin on \u201ccompassion focused imagery.\u201d <em>Emotion, 11<\/em>(6), 1388-1396.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/0269216316663499\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Sinclair, S., Beamer, K., Hack, T. F., McClement, S., Raffin Bouchal, S., Chochinov, H. M., &amp; Hagen, N. A. (2017). Sympathy, empathy, and compassion: A grounded theory study of palliative care patients&#8217; understandings, experiences, and preferences. <em>Palliative Medicine, 31<\/em>(5), 437-447.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.ijnurstu.2017.01.003\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Sinclair, S., Raffin-Bouchal, S., Venturato, L., Mijovic-Kondejewski, J., &amp; Smith-MacDonald, L. (2017). Compassion fatigue: A meta-narrative review of the healthcare literature. <em>International Journal of Nursing Studies, 69<\/em>, 9-24.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.cub.2014.06.054\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Singer, T., &amp; Klimecki, O. M. (2014). Empathy and compassion. <em>Current Biology, 24<\/em>(18), R875-R878.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/pspi0000010\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Stellar, J. E., Cohen, A., Oveis, C., &amp; Keltner, D. (2015). Affective and physiological responses to the suffering of others: Compassion and vagal activity. <em>Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 108<\/em>(4), 572-585.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1073\/pnas.2602655123\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Vogt, B., Bengart, P., Declerck, C. H., &amp; Fehr, E. (2026). Oxytocin increases trust in men low in dispositional trust. <em>Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 123<\/em>(32), Article e2602655123.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1002\/cpp.2586\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Wakelin, K. E., Perman, G., &amp; Simonds, L. M. (2022). Effectiveness of self-compassion-related interventions for reducing self-criticism: A systematic review and meta-analysis. <em>Clinical Psychology &amp; Psychotherapy, 29<\/em>(1), 1-25.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/0956797612469537\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Weng, H. Y., Fox, A. S., Shackman, A. J., Stodola, D. E., Caldwell, J. Z. K., Olson, M. C., Rogers, G. M., &amp; Davidson, R. J. (2013). Compassion training alters altruism and neural responses to suffering. <em>Psychological Science, 24<\/em>(7), 1171-1180.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s12671-018-1037-6\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Wilson, A. C., Mackintosh, K., Power, K., &amp; Chan, S. W. Y. (2019). Effectiveness of self-compassion related therapies: A systematic review and meta-analysis. <em>Mindfulness, 10<\/em>(6), 979-995.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.who.int\/publications\/i\/item\/9789240003927\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">World Health Organization. (2020). <em>Doing what matters in times of stress: An illustrated guide<\/em>.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.who.int\/publications\/i\/item\/9789240105249\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">World Health Organization. (2025). <em>Compassion and primary health care<\/em>.<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#6b6259;margin-top:30px;margin-bottom:14px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">BOOKS FROM OUR SHELF<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" style=\"color:#524a42;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.17), 15.5px);line-height:1.7\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/openlibrary.org\/works\/OL25328122W\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Neff, K. D. (2011). <em>Self&#45;compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself<\/em>. HarperCollins.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/openlibrary.org\/works\/OL13718141W\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#e6cfc6\">Germer, C. K. (2009). <em>The mindful path to self&#45;compassion: Freeing yourself from destructive thoughts and emotions<\/em>. Guilford Press.<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"eq-lastrev\" style=\"margin:34px 0 0;font-family:&quot;Work Sans&quot;,sans-serif;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.15em;text-transform:uppercase;line-height:1.5;color:#6b6259\">Last reviewed October 2026<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<style>.eqp{--rc-accent:#9b5037;--rc-band:#f8eeea;--rc-hover:#f2e1db;--rc-bg:#faf8f3}.eqp .eq-rc-btn{display:none}.eqp .eq-rc{position:relative}.eqp .eq-rc li[hidden]{display:block;margin:0;padding:0;height:0;line-height:0;font-size:0}.eqp .eq-rc li.rc-off{display:none}.eqp .eq-rc.is-collapsed::after{content:\"\";position:absolute;left:0;right:0;bottom:0;height:76px;background:linear-gradient(to bottom,transparent,var(--rc-bg) 94%);pointer-events:none}.eqp .eq-rc ~ .eq-rc-btn{display:inline-flex;align-items:center;justify-content:center;gap:8px;box-sizing:border-box;min-width:260px;min-height:48px;margin:22px 0 0;padding:12px 26px;background:var(--rc-band);color:var(--rc-accent);border:1.5px 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soon(){if(!queued){queued=true;raf(paint);}}\nvar ev=[\"input\",\"change\",\"click\",\"keyup\"],k;\nfor(k=0;k< ev.length;k+=1){document.addEventListener(ev[k],soon,true);}\nwindow.addEventListener(\"load\",soon);\npaint();\n})();<\/script>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-32086477 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"border-left-color:#c8795a;border-left-width:4px;border-left-style:solid;border-radius:0px;margin-top:8px;margin-bottom:56px;padding:4px 0px 4px 28px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#6b6259;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.227), 16px);line-height:1.7\"><strong style=\"color:#a4553a\">This article is general information, not medical advice.<\/strong> It describes what research has found about compassion and self-compassion, and nothing in it can tell you what is happening for you. If self-criticism, low mood or exhaustion are affecting your life, that deserves a proper assessment rather than an article. Psychological support is intended to work alongside appropriate medical care, never to replace it.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:44px\"><a class=\"ra-next\" href=\"\/overthinking\/\"><span class=\"eyb\">Read next<\/span><span class=\"ti\">Thinking in Circles<\/span><span class=\"wy\">Where the harm in going over things really lies, and why the research points at judging yourself rather than at the thinking itself.<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"2560\" height=\"1708\" src=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"A therapist taking notes on a clipboard during a session\" class=\"wp-image-230\" style=\"width:100%;height:340px;object-fit:cover;object-position:center 40%;border-radius:22px 22px 0 0;display:block\" srcset=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-scaled.jpg 2560w, https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-1536x1025.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2560px) 100vw, 2560px\" \/><\/div>\n<div hidden data-eq-related=\"3289,2355,3350\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background eq-ondark has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-f761ea3b wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#4a6147;border-radius:0px 0px 22px 22px;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:80px;padding:52px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#cfdbc9;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:14px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WORKING WITH THIS<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"when-kindness-is-easier-to-give-than-to-receive\" style=\"color:#ffffff;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">When kindness is easier to give than to receive<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#ffffff;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:30px;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.455), 18px);line-height:1.7\">Knowing that you are harder on yourself than on anyone else does not, on its own, make it easier to stop. Therapy is one place to practice the other direction slowly, with someone who will not rush it, and with room for whatever comes up when warmth arrives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-button\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link has-text-color has-background has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-element-button\" href=\"\/individual-session\/\" style=\"border-radius:9px;color:#2a2622;background-color:#faf8f3;padding:15px 30px;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.284), 16.5px);font-weight:700\">Book a session<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-button footer_b\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-element-button\" href=\"\/contact\/\" style=\"border-color:#cfdbc9;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:9px;color:#ffffff;padding:15px 30px;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.284), 16.5px);font-weight:600\">Get in touch<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What compassion is and what it is not, why caring for others can wear you out, what it means to be kind to yourself, why so many people manage one and not the other, why kindness can feel uncomfortable, what actually helps, and what nobody knows yet<\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4713,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"iawp_total_views":326,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,16,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3144","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-body-and-mind","category-deep-dive","category-relationship"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3144","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3144"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3144\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4763,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3144\/revisions\/4763"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4713"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3144"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3144"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3144"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}