{"id":2914,"date":"2026-02-17T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-17T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/praising-effort\/"},"modified":"2026-11-02T15:02:06","modified_gmt":"2026-11-02T14:02:06","slug":"praising-effort","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/praising-effort\/","title":{"rendered":"Praising Effort, Not Intelligence"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<style>\n\/* The accent is a light-background device. 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aria-hidden=\"true\"><i><\/i><\/div><nav id=\"eqp-parts\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><a href=\"#part-1\" data-i=\"1\" tabindex=\"-1\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span><span class=\"lbl\">What the praise studies found<\/span><\/a><a href=\"#part-2\" data-i=\"2\" tabindex=\"-1\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span><span class=\"lbl\">What held up, and what didn\u2019t<\/span><\/a><a href=\"#part-3\" data-i=\"3\" tabindex=\"-1\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span><span class=\"lbl\">Praise, rewards and comparison<\/span><\/a><a href=\"#part-4\" data-i=\"4\" tabindex=\"-1\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span><span class=\"lbl\">How praise changes as children grow<\/span><\/a><a href=\"#part-5\" data-i=\"5\" tabindex=\"-1\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span><span class=\"lbl\">How to praise in practice<\/span><\/a><\/nav><button id=\"eqp-top\" type=\"button\" aria-label=\"Back to the top of the article\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M6 10.5V2M2 5.5 6 1.5l4 4\" fill=\"none\" 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if(blocked(b)){off=true;}\n}\nb.classList.toggle(OFF,off);\n}\nfunction ask(){\nif(busy){return;}\nbusy=true;\nif(window.requestAnimationFrame){window.requestAnimationFrame(sync);}\nelse{window.setTimeout(sync,50);}\n}\nwindow.addEventListener(\"scroll\",ask,{passive:true});\nwindow.addEventListener(\"resize\",ask);\nwindow.addEventListener(\"orientationchange\",ask);\nwindow.addEventListener(\"load\",ask);\ndocument.addEventListener(\"focusin\",function(e){typing=field(e.target);ask();});\ndocument.addEventListener(\"focusout\",function(){typing=false;ask();});\nif(MQ){\nif(MQ.addEventListener){MQ.addEventListener(\"change\",ask);}\nelse if(MQ.addListener){MQ.addListener(ask);}\n}\nask();\n})();\/*>*\/<\/script>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group alignfull eqp has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-69fa9525 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;padding:0px 22px\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n<div style=\"color:#6b6259;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.455), 18px);font-style:normal;font-weight:400;margin-top:54px;margin-bottom:0\" class=\"has-link-color wp-elements-1 wp-block-post-date has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\"><time datetime=\"2026-02-17T10:00:00+01:00\">17 velja\u010de, 2026<\/time><\/div>\n\n<div style=\"color:#6b6259;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.455), 18px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:uppercase;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0\" class=\"taxonomy-category has-link-color wp-elements-2 wp-block-post-terms has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\"><a href=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/category\/parenting\/\" rel=\"tag\">Parenting<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n<h1 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-playfair-display-font-family\" id=\"top\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:12px;margin-bottom:16px;font-size:clamp(24.034px, 1.502rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 1.814), 40px);font-style:normal;font-weight:800;line-height:1.15\">Praising Effort, Not Intelligence<\/h1>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family eq-subtitle wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:20px;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.114), 15px);font-weight:600;letter-spacing:.14em;line-height:1.5\">Praise, motivation and what children take from it<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#524a42;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:22px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.55\">What the praise studies found, which parts have held up, how praise differs from rewards and comparison, how it lands at different ages, and what to say in practice, including after a setback<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"eq-credit\" style=\"--eq-credit-ac:#95560b\">Written by <a href=\"\/our-team-ivana\/\" rel=\"author\">Ivana<\/a>, psychologist and psychotherapist<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#6b6259;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.114), 15px);line-height:1.5\"><strong style=\"color:#95560b\">13 minute read<\/strong> &nbsp;&middot;&nbsp; 2,818 words<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<!-- eq-post-top -->\n<div class=\"pt-on\" hidden data-src=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/praising-effort-post-top.jpg\" data-w=\"470\" data-aspect=\"0.665\" data-side=\"right\" data-bleed=\"\"><\/div>\n<script>\n\/* Post tops: turns the post's masthead group into the cream band and adds the\n   drawing beside the words. 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It\u2019s a warm moment and a completely natural thing to say. The question researchers have been asking for almost thirty years is what a child takes away from a moment like that, and what happens the next time the worksheet is hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">One of the best-known ideas in parenting is that it\u2019s better to praise the effort than the child: \u201cYou worked really hard on that\u201d rather than \u201cYou\u2019re so smart.\u201d The research behind it is real, but it\u2019s more mixed than the advice usually suggests, and the part that has held up best is a little different from the version most of us have heard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">And the practical answer turns out to be simpler than the research: <strong class=\"eqb\">describe what your child actually did<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-4ccedd2e wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"border-color:#e8e1d5;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:22px;background-color:#faf8f3;margin-top:56px;margin-bottom:20px;padding:30px 34px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#6b6259;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:22px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WHAT THIS ARTICLE COVERS &middot; FIVE PARTS<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-rank-math-toc-block\">\n<div class=\"eq-toc\"><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"num\">PART 1<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-1\">What the praise studies found<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">3 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>2 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#it-started-with-a-set-of-puzzles\">It started with a set of puzzles<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#praise-for-the-child-or-for-what-the-child-did\">Praise for the child, or for what the child did<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#what-happens-at-home\">What happens at home<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"num\">PART 2<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-2\">What held up, and what didn\u2019t<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">3 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>3 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#the-famous-result-was-hard-to-repeat\">The famous result was hard to repeat<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#calling-a-child-smart-can-still-backfire\">Calling a child smart can still backfire<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#bigger-praise-is-not-better-praise\">Bigger praise isn\u2019t better praise<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"num\">PART 3<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-3\">Praise, rewards and comparison<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">2 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>2 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#praise-is-not-a-sticker-chart\">Praise isn\u2019t a sticker chart<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#better-than-the-others\">Better than the others<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"num\">PART 4<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-4\">How praise changes as children grow<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">3 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>2 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#young-children-take-praise-at-face-value\">Young children take praise at face value<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#older-children-read-between-the-lines\">Older children read between the lines<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#what-to-say-to-a-teenager\">What to say to a teenager<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"num\">PART 5<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-5\">How to praise in practice<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">5 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>3 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#describe-what-they-did\">Describe what they did<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#praise-effort-that-really-happened\">Praise effort that really happened<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#when-it-goes-wrong-stay-with-what-happened\">When it goes wrong, stay with what happened<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#not-everything-needs-praise\">Not everything needs praise<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#it-works-for-grown-ups-too\">It works for grown-ups too<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"wt-part bst\"><div class=\"no\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 96 84\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M22 8 27 20M9 21 20 27M8 38 19 36\"\/><path d=\"M76 30 88 25M77 44 90 46M73 57 83 65\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"n\">1<\/span><\/div><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Part one of five<\/p><h2 id=\"part-1\">What the praise studies found<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">Smart or hardworking, and what children did after a setback<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"it-started-with-a-set-of-puzzles\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">It started with a set of puzzles<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">In 1998, the psychologist <span class=\"gl\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-describedby=\"gd-1\">Carol Dweck<span class=\"gd\" role=\"tooltip\" id=\"gd-1\"><b>Carol Dweck<\/b>American psychologist at Stanford University, best known for her research on mindsets: whether people see ability as fixed or as something that can grow.<\/span><\/span> and a colleague gave fifth graders in the United States a set of puzzles and told every child they\u2019d done well. Some of the children also heard that they must be smart at these problems. Others heard that they must have worked hard at them. Then every child got a much harder set, and did badly on it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">What came next is the part that made the study famous. Across six experiments, the children praised for their intelligence were <strong class=\"eqb\">less willing to keep going<\/strong>, enjoyed the puzzles less and did worse on a final set than the children praised for their effort. They were also more likely to describe intelligence as something fixed, something you either have or you don\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"praise-for-the-child-or-for-what-the-child-did\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Praise for the child, or for what the child did<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">A year later, Dweck and another colleague asked five- and six-year-olds to act out short role-play stories. After a small success in a story, some children heard praise about themselves as a person, and others heard praise about the way they\u2019d gone about the task. When a later story ended in a mistake, the children praised as people were <strong class=\"eqb\">more likely to criticize themselves and to give up<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Researchers call these two kinds <em class=\"eqi\">person praise<\/em> and <em class=\"eqi\">process praise<\/em>. Person praise is about who the child is: clever, talented, a natural. Process praise is about what the child did: the effort, the approach, the choices along the way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Even a single word can tip it. In a small study with preschoolers, children who heard \u201cYou\u2019re a good drawer\u201d coped worse with later mistakes than children who heard \u201cYou did a good job drawing.\u201d The first turns one drawing into a fact about the child. The second stays with the drawing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"what-happens-at-home\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">What happens at home<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Role-play stories are one thing, and a kitchen table is another. One team recorded 53 families at home while the children were between one and three years old, and counted the kinds of praise the parents used. Five years later, the children whose parents had used more process praise were more likely to believe that ability can grow. When the same children were followed into fourth grade, that belief went together with better results in math and reading.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Two things to keep in mind. It\u2019s one small group of families, and the parents weren\u2019t asked to change anything, so it shows <strong class=\"eqb\">a link, not proof<\/strong> that the praise made the difference.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<style>.eqp .eq-kp{display:grid;grid-template-columns:auto minmax(0,1fr);gap:4px 16px;align-items:start;background:#eef4f8;border:0;border-left:4px solid #2f6a8c;border-radius:4px 18px 18px 4px;padding:20px 26px;margin:6px 0 34px}.eqp .eq-kp .mk{grid-row:1\/3;width:40px;height:40px;border-radius:50%;background:#fff;color:#2f6a8c;display:flex;align-items:center;justify-content:center}.eqp .eq-kp .mk svg{width:21px;height:21px}.eqp .eq-kp .k{font-family:\"Work Sans\",sans-serif;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.16em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#2f6a8c;margin:2px 0 4px}.eqp .eq-kp .t{font-family:\"Work Sans\",sans-serif;font-size:clamp(15px,calc(10.6px + .72vw),19px);font-weight:500;line-height:1.55;color:#2a2622;margin:0}@media(max-width:560px){.eqp .eq-kp{grid-template-columns:minmax(0,1fr);padding:18px 20px}.eqp .eq-kp .mk{grid-row:auto;width:34px;height:34px}}<\/style><aside class=\"eq-kp\"><span class=\"mk\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"><path d=\"M6.5 3.5h11a1 1 0 0 1 1 1v15.6a.5.5 0 0 1-.78.42L12 16.4l-5.72 4.12a.5.5 0 0 1-.78-.42V4.5a1 1 0 0 1 1-1z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><p class=\"k\">Worth remembering<\/p><p class=\"t\">Praise that labels the child as smart, talented or a natural is the kind most often linked to giving up after a setback. Praise that names what they did is the safer habit.<\/p><\/aside>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"wt-part bst\"><div class=\"no\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 96 84\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M22 8 27 20M9 21 20 27M8 38 19 36\"\/><path d=\"M76 30 88 25M77 44 90 46M73 57 83 65\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"n\">2<\/span><\/div><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Part two of five<\/p><h2 id=\"part-2\">What held up, and what didn\u2019t<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">Repeated studies, small effects, and the finding that keeps returning<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"the-famous-result-was-hard-to-repeat\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">The famous result was hard to repeat<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">When researchers tried the puzzle study again, it didn\u2019t come out the same. A series of studies with 624 children aged nine to thirteen in China, starting with a close repeat of the original, found that the kind of praise <strong class=\"eqb\">made no difference<\/strong> to how motivated the children were or how they explained failing. There was only a borderline difference in their scores. A careful 2024 study of 150 American eight-year-olds, planned and registered in advance, also found no clear difference between the two kinds of praise, although a further look at the data found that praising effort did beat saying nothing at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Research on growth mindset tells a similar story. Large reviews find that teaching children that ability can grow has <strong class=\"eqb\">small effects on school results on average<\/strong>. Researchers still disagree about who benefits: one review found the effect vanished in the best-designed studies, while a national trial and another review found a modest boost for students who were struggling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"calling-a-child-smart-can-still-backfire\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Calling a child smart can still backfire<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">What keeps returning is the other half of the original idea. <strong class=\"eqb\">Calling a child smart seems to do more harm than praising effort does good.<\/strong> In studies published in 2026, five- and six-year-olds who\u2019d done well on a test were then given a hard one, with a chance to cheat. Nearly two in three of the children told they\u2019d succeeded because they were smart went on to cheat. So did about one in three of those told they\u2019d tried hard, the same as children who were given no reason at all.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:30px;margin-bottom:36px\"><style>\n.pe-cheat{margin:0;background:#faf8f3;border:1.5px solid #ebe4d6;border-radius:20px;padding:clamp(22px,3.4vw,34px)}\n.pe-cheat .ti{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.14em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#2f6a8c;margin:0 0 20px}\n.pe-cheat .row{margin:0 0 18px}\n.pe-cheat .lb{display:flex;justify-content:space-between;align-items:baseline;gap:12px;flex-wrap:wrap;margin:0 0 8px}\n.pe-cheat .lb b{font-size:16.5px;color:#2a2622}\n.pe-cheat .lb span{font-family:\"Playfair Display\",Georgia,serif;font-size:clamp(28px,4vw,36px);font-weight:700;line-height:1;color:#95560b}\n.pe-cheat .row.hi .lb span{color:#2f6a8c}\n.pe-cheat .bar{height:16px;background:#fff;border:1.5px solid #e8e1d5;border-radius:999px;overflow:hidden;max-width:620px}\n.pe-cheat .bar i{display:block;height:100%;background:#c98a2e;border-radius:999px 0 0 999px}\n.pe-cheat .row.hi .bar i{background:#2f6a8c}\n.pe-cheat figcaption{font-size:15.5px;line-height:1.6;color:#6b6259;margin:16px 0 0;padding-top:14px;border-top:1px solid #ebe4d6}\n@media(max-width:520px){.pe-cheat{padding:20px 14px;border-radius:16px;margin:0 -12px!important}}\n<\/style><figure class=\"pe-cheat\"><p class=\"ti\">After doing well, how many children cheated on the next test<\/p><div class=\"row\"><p class=\"lb\"><b>Told it was because they are smart<\/b><span>64%<\/span><\/p><div class=\"bar\" role=\"img\" aria-label=\"64 percent cheated\"><i style=\"width:64%\"><\/i><\/div><\/div><div class=\"row hi\"><p class=\"lb\"><b>Told it was because they tried hard<\/b><span>36%<\/span><\/p><div class=\"bar\" role=\"img\" aria-label=\"36 percent cheated\"><i style=\"width:36%\"><\/i><\/div><\/div><div class=\"row hi\"><p class=\"lb\"><b>Told they did well, with no reason given<\/b><span>36%<\/span><\/p><div class=\"bar\" role=\"img\" aria-label=\"36 percent cheated\"><i style=\"width:36%\"><\/i><\/div><\/div><figcaption>Five- and six-year-olds in studies published in 2026, rounded to the nearest whole number. The last group comes from a separate baseline study. It\u2019s a laboratory task from one set of studies, so it shows what can happen rather than what always does.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Other studies point the same way. The team behind the cheating study had found much the same in 2017, with three- and five-year-olds praised for being smart rather than for doing well. When mothers reported each day for ten days on how they praised their children, the children who heard more person praise were, six months later, more likely to see intelligence as fixed and to avoid challenges. In an experiment with 313 children, person praise left children with low self-esteem <strong class=\"eqb\"><a href=\"\/psychology-of-shame\/#what-children-learn-from-how-we-react\" style=\"color:#95560b;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1.5px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">feeling more ashamed<\/a> after they failed<\/strong>, and process praise didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"bigger-praise-is-not-better-praise\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Bigger praise isn\u2019t better praise<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">A related finding is about size. Adults tend to give their most glowing praise to the children who seem least sure of themselves. In a series of studies, that <em class=\"eqi\">inflated praise<\/em>, such as \u201cThat\u2019s not just beautiful, that\u2019s incredibly beautiful,\u201d made children with low self-esteem <strong class=\"eqb\">less willing to take on a challenge<\/strong> afterward, while children who already felt confident went looking for more of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">The same pattern shows up at home. In a study of 120 Dutch families with children aged seven to eleven, the more inflated a parent\u2019s praise, the lower the child\u2019s self-esteem later on. Ordinary, in-proportion praise didn\u2019t have that effect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Praise seems to work best <strong class=\"eqb\">when it sounds true<\/strong>. Very grand praise may set a standard that a child is afraid of not meeting next time.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:34px;margin-bottom:40px\"><style>\n.pe-held{margin:0;background:#faf8f3;border:1.5px solid #ebe4d6;border-radius:20px;padding:clamp(22px,3.4vw,34px)}\n.pe-held .hd{display:flex;justify-content:space-between;align-items:baseline;gap:16px;margin:0 0 14px}\n.pe-held .ti{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.14em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#2f6a8c;margin:0}\n.pe-held .un{font-size:13px;color:#6b6259;margin:0}\n.pe-held details{background:#fff;border:1.5px solid #e8e1d5;border-radius:14px;margin:0 0 10px}\n.pe-held details:last-of-type{margin-bottom:0}\n.pe-held summary{list-style:none;display:grid;grid-template-columns:30px minmax(0,1fr) auto 14px;align-items:center;gap:14px;padding:14px 16px;min-height:44px;cursor:pointer;border-radius:13px}\n.pe-held summary::-webkit-details-marker{display:none}\n.pe-held summary:hover{background:#fdfaf4}\n.pe-held summary:focus-visible{outline:2px solid #95560b;outline-offset:2px}\n.pe-held .ic{width:28px;height:28px;display:block}\n.pe-held .ic svg{width:100%;height:100%;display:block}\n.pe-held .cl{font-size:clamp(16px,calc(11.6px + .72vw),18.5px);font-weight:600;line-height:1.4;color:#2a2622}\n.pe-held .ch{font-size:13px;font-weight:700;line-height:1.2;letter-spacing:.02em;border-radius:999px;padding:6px 12px;white-space:nowrap}\n.pe-held .bl .ic{color:#2f6a8c}.pe-held .bl .ch{background:#2f6a8c;color:#fff}\n.pe-held .am .ic{color:#95560b}.pe-held .am .ch{background:#fbf1e1;color:#95560b;box-shadow:inset 0 0 0 1.5px #ecd3a8}\n.pe-held .nt .ic{color:#6b6259}.pe-held .nt .ch{background:#f3efe8;color:#5a5249}\n.pe-held .cv{width:12px;height:12px;color:#9a9086;transition:transform .2s ease}\n.pe-held details[open] .cv{transform:rotate(90deg)}\n.pe-held details p{margin:0;padding:0 16px 16px 60px;font-size:16px;line-height:1.6;color:#4a433c}\n.pe-held figcaption{font-size:15.5px;line-height:1.6;color:#6b6259;margin:18px 0 0;padding-top:14px;border-top:1px solid #ebe4d6}\n@media(max-width:640px){.pe-held summary{grid-template-columns:26px minmax(0,1fr) 12px;row-gap:8px}.pe-held .ic{width:24px;height:24px}.pe-held .ch{grid-column:2;grid-row:2;justify-self:start}.pe-held .cv{grid-column:3;grid-row:1}.pe-held details p{padding-left:56px}}\n@media(max-width:520px){.pe-held{padding:20px 14px;border-radius:16px;margin:0 -12px!important}.pe-held details p{padding-left:16px}}\n@media(prefers-reduced-motion:reduce){.pe-held .cv{transition:none!important}}\n<\/style><figure class=\"pe-held\"><div class=\"hd\"><p class=\"ti\">What held up<\/p><p class=\"un\">tap a row to see why<\/p><\/div><details class=\"am\"><summary><span class=\"ic\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 28 28\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M20 6.6A9 9 0 1 0 23 14\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"2.2\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-dasharray=\"3.2 3.4\"\/><\/svg><\/span><span class=\"cl\">Praising effort makes children more motivated<\/span><span class=\"ch\">mixed<\/span><svg class=\"cv\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><\/summary><p>The first puzzle studies found it. A close repeat with children in China didn\u2019t, and a careful 2024 study in the United States found it no better than praising ability, though better than saying nothing.<\/p><\/details><details class=\"bl\"><summary><span class=\"ic\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 28 28\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M21.5 9.5A9 9 0 1 0 23 14\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"2.2\" stroke-linecap=\"round\"\/><path d=\"M22.4 4.6l.1 5.4-5.3-.3\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"2.2\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><\/span><span class=\"cl\">Calling a child smart can backfire<\/span><span class=\"ch\">keeps returning<\/span><svg class=\"cv\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><\/summary><p>Avoiding challenges, shame after failing and, since 2017, cheating. Different labs and different tasks keep pointing the same way.<\/p><\/details><details class=\"nt\"><summary><span class=\"ic\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 28 28\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><rect x=\"3\" y=\"10.5\" width=\"22\" height=\"7\" rx=\"3.5\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.8\"\/><rect x=\"3\" y=\"10.5\" width=\"7.5\" height=\"7\" rx=\"3.5\" fill=\"currentColor\"\/><\/svg><\/span><span class=\"cl\">Teaching a growth mindset raises grades<\/span><span class=\"ch\">small, still debated<\/span><svg class=\"cv\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><\/summary><p>Small on average. Reviews disagree about whether it helps students who are struggling or fades away in the best-designed studies.<\/p><\/details><figcaption>Thirty years of praise research, in three lines. The advice that survives is less \u201cpraise effort\u201d than \u201cdon\u2019t label the child\u201d.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"wt-part bst\"><div class=\"no\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 96 84\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M22 8 27 20M9 21 20 27M8 38 19 36\"\/><path d=\"M76 30 88 25M77 44 90 46M73 57 83 65\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"n\">3<\/span><\/div><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Part three of five<\/p><h2 id=\"part-3\">Praise, rewards and comparison<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">Why praise works differently from a prize, and what comparison does<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"praise-is-not-a-sticker-chart\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Praise isn\u2019t a sticker chart<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Praise is sometimes treated as one more reward, like a sticker or a treat, but the research suggests it works differently. A large review brought together 128 experiments on rewards and motivation. When people expected a reward, they were less likely to go back to the task on their own once the rewards stopped, and prizes and other tangible rewards did more harm to children than to adults. <strong class=\"eqb\">Positive feedback went the other way<\/strong>: on average, it made people more interested in the task, not less.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">There\u2019s a limit here too. Praise gave college students a boost, but in children the boost was too small to be sure of, and praise used to steer behavior, such as \u201cGood, that\u2019s exactly what you should be doing,\u201d lost its benefit, and in a few small studies it even lowered interest. Praise seems to help most when it tells a child something about what they did, rather than when it\u2019s used to get them to do more of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">A major review of praise research came to a similar place. Praise helps most when it\u2019s <strong class=\"eqb\">sincere, points at things a child can control<\/strong>, leaves them some say in what they do, and sets a standard they can actually reach. It helps least when it leans on comparing them with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"better-than-the-others\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Better than the others<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Comparison is another kind of praise that seems to cost more than it gives. In two studies, fourth and fifth graders got a high score on a set of puzzles, along with praise that compared them with other children, praise for how well they\u2019d mastered the puzzles, or no praise at all. When the next task left them unsure how they\u2019d done, the children compared with others were less motivated than the children praised for their own learning. For girls, the comparison lowered motivation even when they went on succeeding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">At home, this is the difference between \u201cYou\u2019re the best reader in your class\u201d and \u201cYou can read chapter books on your own now.\u201d The first depends on how other children are doing. The second is about your child, and <strong class=\"eqb\">stays true whoever else is in the room<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<aside class=\"eq-kp\"><span class=\"mk\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"><path d=\"M6.5 3.5h11a1 1 0 0 1 1 1v15.6a.5.5 0 0 1-.78.42L12 16.4l-5.72 4.12a.5.5 0 0 1-.78-.42V4.5a1 1 0 0 1 1-1z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><p class=\"k\">Worth noting<\/p><p class=\"t\">Praise that ranks a child only holds while they stay on top. Praise about their own progress keeps working on the days they don\u2019t.<\/p><\/aside>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"wt-part bst\"><div class=\"no\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 96 84\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M22 8 27 20M9 21 20 27M8 38 19 36\"\/><path d=\"M76 30 88 25M77 44 90 46M73 57 83 65\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"n\">4<\/span><\/div><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Part four of five<\/p><h2 id=\"part-4\">How praise changes as children grow<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">From preschool to the teenage years<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"young-children-take-praise-at-face-value\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Young children take praise at face value<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">For preschool children, <strong class=\"eqb\">most kinds of praise seem to help<\/strong>. In one study, praise for the child, for the result and for the way they\u2019d worked all made preschoolers more motivated afterward than a neutral comment did, for girls and boys alike. With fourth and fifth graders, the picture changed. After a later failure, girls who\u2019d been praised as people were less motivated, while girls praised for the result or for how they\u2019d worked were more motivated. For boys, the kind of praise made little difference.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"older-children-read-between-the-lines\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Older children read between the lines<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">As children grow, they start to hear what praise might imply as well as what it says. <strong class=\"eqb\">Praise for something easy can carry a hidden message<\/strong>: that the person praising you didn\u2019t expect much. Some researchers think this is why effort praise, which helps in early childhood, often stops working by adolescence. For a teenager, hearing \u201cYou worked so hard\u201d after an easy win can sound like \u201cYou needed to, because this is hard for you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Praise that\u2019s in proportion to the task, and that names what they actually did, is much less likely to be heard that way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"what-to-say-to-a-teenager\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">What to say to a teenager<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">So what works instead? With teenagers, it helps to <strong class=\"eqb\">name the strategy and the progress<\/strong>, not the effort alone. \u201cBreaking the essay into sections really worked\u201d says more than \u201cYou tried so hard.\u201d So does comparing them with their own past rather than with anyone else: \u201cYour times are way down since September.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Keep it low-key, specific and sincere. Teenagers are quick to notice praise that\u2019s there to push them somewhere, and quicker still to notice praise they don\u2019t believe (eye rolls included). Often what helps most is asking how they did it, and listening to the answer.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<aside class=\"eq-kp\"><span class=\"mk\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"><path d=\"M6.5 3.5h11a1 1 0 0 1 1 1v15.6a.5.5 0 0 1-.78.42L12 16.4l-5.72 4.12a.5.5 0 0 1-.78-.42V4.5a1 1 0 0 1 1-1z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><p class=\"k\">Worth remembering<\/p><p class=\"t\">The same words land differently at different ages. What a four-year-old hears as warmth, a fourteen-year-old may hear as a verdict on how hard things are for them.<\/p><\/aside>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"wt-part bst\"><div class=\"no\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 96 84\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M22 8 27 20M9 21 20 27M8 38 19 36\"\/><path d=\"M76 30 88 25M77 44 90 46M73 57 83 65\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"n\">5<\/span><\/div><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Part five of five<\/p><h2 id=\"part-5\">How to praise in practice<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">Noticing, setbacks, and knowing when to say nothing<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"describe-what-they-did\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Describe what they did<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">What\u2019s most worth taking from all of this is less a new phrase to say instead of \u201cYou\u2019re so smart\u201d than <strong class=\"eqb\">a habit of noticing<\/strong>. \u201cYou kept trying different pieces until that corner fit.\u201d \u201cYou went back and checked the ones you weren\u2019t sure about.\u201d \u201cYou used three different blues in the sky.\u201d Praise like this tells a child what you saw, and it points at something they can do again.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:30px;margin-bottom:36px\"><style>\n.pe-say{margin:0;background:#faf8f3;border:1.5px solid #ebe4d6;border-radius:20px;padding:clamp(22px,3.4vw,34px)}\n.pe-say .hd{display:flex;justify-content:space-between;align-items:baseline;gap:16px;margin:0 0 16px}\n.pe-say .ti{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.14em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#2f6a8c;margin:0}\n.pe-say .un{font-size:13px;color:#6b6259;margin:0}\n.pe-say .q{display:flex;align-items:center;gap:9px;font-size:15px;font-weight:700;color:#2a2622;margin:0 0 10px}\n.pe-say .q i{flex:0 0 auto;display:inline-flex;align-items:center;justify-content:center;width:22px;height:22px;border-radius:50%;background:#2f6a8c;color:#fff;font-style:normal;font-size:12.5px;font-weight:700}\n.pe-say .chips{display:flex;flex-wrap:wrap;gap:8px;margin:0 0 20px}\n.pe-say button{font:600 15px\/1.25 \"Work Sans\",sans-serif;cursor:pointer;border:1.5px solid #e8e1d5;background:#fff;color:#2a2622;transition:background .16s ease,border-color .16s ease}\n.pe-say button:hover{background:#fbf1e1}\n.pe-say button:focus-visible{outline:2px solid #95560b;outline-offset:2px}\n.pe-say .chips button{border-radius:999px;padding:8px 16px}\n.pe-say .chips button[aria-pressed=true]{background:#95560b;border-color:#95560b;color:#fff}\n.pe-say .bub{position:relative;display:inline-block;max-width:100%;background:#fff;border:1.5px solid #e8e1d5;border-radius:18px 18px 18px 4px;\n  padding:14px 18px;font-size:clamp(18px,2.3vw,21px);line-height:1.4;color:#2a2622;margin:0 0 20px}\n.pe-say .bub small{display:block;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.12em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#6b3e06;margin:0 0 4px}\n.pe-say .ways{display:grid;grid-template-columns:repeat(2,minmax(0,1fr));gap:10px}\n.pe-say .ways button{position:relative;padding-right:44px!important;display:flex;flex-direction:column;align-items:flex-start;gap:6px;text-align:left;border-radius:14px;padding:14px 15px;min-width:0}\n.pe-say .ways b{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.12em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#6b6259}\n.pe-say .ways span{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:1.45;color:#2a2622}\n.pe-say .ways button::after{content:\"\";position:absolute;top:15px;right:15px;width:15px;height:15px;border-radius:50%;border:1.5px solid #ecd3a8;background:#fff;box-sizing:border-box}\n.pe-say .ways button:hover{border-color:#ecd3a8}\n.pe-say .ways button[aria-pressed=true]{border-color:#95560b;background:#fbf1e1}\n.pe-say .ways button[aria-pressed=true]::after{border:4.5px solid #95560b}\n.pe-say .ways button[data-w=person][aria-pressed=true]::after{border-color:#2f6a8c}\n.pe-say .ways button[aria-pressed=true] b{color:#6b3e06}\n.pe-say .ways button[data-w=person][aria-pressed=true]{border-color:#2f6a8c;background:#e9f1f6}\n.pe-say .ways button[data-w=person][aria-pressed=true] b{color:#2f6a8c}\n.pe-say .out{margin:16px 0 0;font-size:16.5px;line-height:1.55;color:#2a2622;background:#fff;border-left:4px solid #95560b;border-radius:0;padding:12px 16px}\n.pe-say .out:empty{border-left-color:#e8e1d5;color:#6b6259}\n.pe-say .out:empty::before{content:\"Tap one of the four answers above.\"}\n.pe-say .out.ps{border-left-color:#2f6a8c}\n.pe-say figcaption{font-size:15.5px;line-height:1.6;color:#6b6259;margin:18px 0 0;padding-top:14px;border-top:1px solid #ebe4d6}\n@media(max-width:640px){.pe-say .ways{grid-template-columns:minmax(0,1fr)}}\n@media(max-width:520px){.pe-say{padding:20px 14px;border-radius:16px;margin:0 -12px!important}}\n.pe-say .pe-mob{display:none}\n.pe-say .pe-sel{display:block;width:100%;box-sizing:border-box;min-height:52px;font:600 16px\/1.3 \"Work Sans\",sans-serif;color:#2a2622;background-color:#fff;border:1.5px solid #95560b;border-radius:12px;padding:12px 44px 12px 16px;margin:0 0 20px;cursor:pointer;white-space:nowrap;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis;-webkit-appearance:none;appearance:none;background-image:linear-gradient(45deg,transparent 50%,#95560b 50%),linear-gradient(135deg,#95560b 50%,transparent 50%);background-position:calc(100% - 22px) 50%,calc(100% - 16px) 50%;background-size:6px 6px,6px 6px;background-repeat:no-repeat}\n.pe-say .pe-sel:focus-visible{outline:2px solid #95560b;outline-offset:2px}\n@media(max-width:640px){.pe-say .pe-dsk{display:none}.pe-say .pe-mob{display:block}}\n@media(prefers-reduced-motion:reduce){.pe-say button{transition:none!important}}\n@media print{.pe-say .chips,.pe-say .pe-mob{display:none!important}}\n<\/style><figure class=\"pe-say\" id=\"pe-say\"><div class=\"hd\"><p class=\"ti\">Four ways to say it<\/p><p class=\"un\">try it here<\/p><\/div><p class=\"q pe-dsk\" id=\"pe-q1\"><i>1<\/i>Choose a moment<\/p><div class=\"chips pe-dsk\" role=\"group\" aria-labelledby=\"pe-q1\"><button type=\"button\" data-k=\"draw\" aria-pressed=\"true\">a drawing<\/button><button type=\"button\" data-k=\"test\" aria-pressed=\"false\">a spelling test<\/button><button type=\"button\" data-k=\"puzzle\" aria-pressed=\"false\">a hard puzzle<\/button><button type=\"button\" data-k=\"bike\" aria-pressed=\"false\">a first bike ride<\/button><button type=\"button\" data-k=\"friend\" aria-pressed=\"false\">helping a friend<\/button><button type=\"button\" data-k=\"lost\" aria-pressed=\"false\">a missed goal<\/button><\/div><div class=\"pe-mob\"><label class=\"q\" for=\"pe-sel\"><i>1<\/i>Choose a moment<\/label><select class=\"pe-sel\" id=\"pe-sel\"><option value=\"draw\" selected>a drawing<\/option><option value=\"test\">a spelling test<\/option><option value=\"puzzle\">a hard puzzle<\/option><option value=\"bike\">a first bike ride<\/option><option value=\"friend\">helping a friend<\/option><option value=\"lost\">a missed goal<\/option><\/select><\/div><p class=\"bub\"><small>Your child says<\/small><span id=\"pe-said\">Look what I drew!<\/span><\/p><p class=\"q\" id=\"pe-q2\"><i>2<\/i>Tap an answer to see what it tells them<\/p><div class=\"ways\" role=\"group\" aria-labelledby=\"pe-q2\"><button type=\"button\" data-w=\"person\" aria-pressed=\"false\"><b>a label<\/b><span>You\u2019re such a talented artist.<\/span><\/button><button type=\"button\" data-w=\"generic\" aria-pressed=\"false\"><b>a cheer<\/b><span>Good job!<\/span><\/button><button type=\"button\" data-w=\"process\" aria-pressed=\"false\"><b>a description<\/b><span>You used three different blues in the sky.<\/span><\/button><button type=\"button\" data-w=\"question\" aria-pressed=\"false\"><b>a question<\/b><span>Tell me about this part.<\/span><\/button><\/div><p class=\"out\" id=\"pe-out\" aria-live=\"polite\"><\/p><figcaption>None of these is a mistake, and every one of them is said with love. What changes is what the words point at: who the child is, or what the child did.<\/figcaption><script>var PEM=[{\"k\":\"draw\",\"n\":\"a drawing\",\"say\":\"Look what I drew!\",\"person\":\"You\u2019re such a talented artist.\",\"generic\":\"Good job!\",\"process\":\"You used three different blues in the sky.\",\"question\":\"Tell me about this part.\"},{\"k\":\"test\",\"n\":\"a spelling test\",\"say\":\"I got all ten right!\",\"person\":\"You\u2019re so smart.\",\"generic\":\"Well done.\",\"process\":\"You practiced those words every evening this week, and it showed.\",\"question\":\"Which word was the trickiest?\"},{\"k\":\"puzzle\",\"n\":\"a hard puzzle\",\"say\":\"I finished it!\",\"person\":\"You\u2019re a natural at puzzles.\",\"generic\":\"Great job.\",\"process\":\"You kept trying different pieces until that corner fit.\",\"question\":\"How did you work out that corner?\"},{\"k\":\"bike\",\"n\":\"a first bike ride\",\"say\":\"I did it without falling!\",\"person\":\"You\u2019re so brave.\",\"generic\":\"Amazing!\",\"process\":\"You kept pedaling even when it wobbled, and you looked ahead instead of down.\",\"question\":\"What did it feel like once you got going?\"},{\"k\":\"friend\",\"n\":\"helping a friend\",\"say\":\"Mia was sad, so I shared my snack with her.\",\"person\":\"You\u2019re such a good kid.\",\"generic\":\"That\u2019s nice.\",\"process\":\"You noticed she was sad, and you did something about it.\",\"question\":\"How did she seem after that?\"},{\"k\":\"lost\",\"n\":\"a missed goal\",\"say\":\"We lost. I missed the shot.\",\"person\":\"You\u2019re still the best player on the team.\",\"generic\":\"Never mind, good game.\",\"process\":\"That one really stings. You went for a hard shot, and that took nerve.\",\"question\":\"Do you want to practice that shot together tomorrow?\"}],PEK=[[\"person\",\"a label\",\"A label is about who they are. When the next try goes badly, it can start to sound like a verdict.\"],[\"generic\",\"a cheer\",\"A cheer is warm and fine to say. It just doesn\u2019t tell them much about what went well.\"],[\"process\",\"a description\",\"A description shows you were paying attention, and tells them exactly what worked.\"],[\"question\",\"a question\",\"A question shows interest without a verdict, and lets them tell you what mattered to them.\"]];(function(){\nvar f=document.getElementById(\"pe-say\");if(!f){return;}\nvar cs=f.querySelectorAll(\".chips button\"),ws=f.querySelectorAll(\".ways button\"),said=document.getElementById(\"pe-said\"),out=document.getElementById(\"pe-out\"),cur=PEM[0],S=document.getElementById(\"pe-sel\");\nvar each=function(l,fn){Array.prototype.forEach.call(l,fn);};\nvar clear=function(){each(ws,function(w){w.setAttribute(\"aria-pressed\",\"false\");});out.textContent=\"\";out.className=\"out\";};\neach(cs,function(c){c.addEventListener(\"click\",function(){each(cs,function(x){x.setAttribute(\"aria-pressed\",String(x===c));});if(S){S.value=c.getAttribute(\"data-k\");}\n PEM.forEach(function(m){if(m.k===c.getAttribute(\"data-k\")){cur=m;}});said.textContent=cur.say;\n each(ws,function(w){w.querySelector(\"span\").textContent=cur[w.getAttribute(\"data-w\")];});clear();});});\neach(ws,function(w){w.addEventListener(\"click\",function(){var k=w.getAttribute(\"data-w\");each(ws,function(x){x.setAttribute(\"aria-pressed\",String(x===w));});\n PEK.forEach(function(x){if(x[0]===k){out.textContent=x[2];}});out.className=k===\"person\"?\"out ps\":\"out\";});});\nif(S){S.addEventListener(\"change\",function(){each(cs,function(c){if(c.getAttribute(\"data-k\")===S.value){c.click();}});});}\n})();<\/script><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"praise-effort-that-really-happened\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Praise effort that really happened<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Effort praise can go wrong too. In a study of toddlers, praise that came as a child tried and then succeeded went with more persistence. A steady stream of praise that didn\u2019t match what they were doing went with less. It helps to <strong class=\"eqb\">name the strategy as well as the effort<\/strong>: \u201cStarting with the hardest question first worked well.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"when-it-goes-wrong-stay-with-what-happened\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">When it goes wrong, stay with what happened<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">A setback is where praise matters most, and where it\u2019s most tempting to reach for something grand to make the disappointment go away. It usually helps more to <strong class=\"eqb\">stay with what happened<\/strong>. Say that it\u2019s disappointing, and when they\u2019re ready, look together at what they might try next time. <a href=\"\/name-it-to-tame-it\/\" style=\"color:#95560b;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1.5px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Putting the feeling into words<\/a> first gives both of you somewhere to start.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wt-help\"><p class=\"lb\">Try this<\/p><p class=\"ld\">It might sound like this<\/p><ul><li>Straight away: \u201cThat was really disappointing. You\u2019d put so much into it.\u201d<\/li><li>Later, once the sting has faded: \u201cWhat do you think made that one tricky?\u201d<\/li><li>And then: \u201cWhat could you try next time? Want to try it together?\u201d<\/li><\/ul><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">How you react to the setback may matter as much as how you praised the success. In one set of studies, parents who saw failure as something that holds children back tended to respond to mistakes by worrying about ability, and their children came to see intelligence as fixed. Children could tell how their parents felt about failure, even though they couldn\u2019t tell what their parents believed about intelligence. So <strong class=\"eqb\">treating a mistake as something to learn from<\/strong> is a message children seem to pick up clearly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"not-everything-needs-praise\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Not everything needs praise<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Children don\u2019t need a comment on every drawing or every finished puzzle (the fridge only has so much room). Sometimes <strong class=\"eqb\">interest does more than praise<\/strong>: asking how they did it, or what they want to try next, tells a child their work is worth your attention without turning each moment into a verdict. A child holding up a drawing is often making a <a href=\"\/bids-for-connection\/\" style=\"color:#95560b;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1.5px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">bid for connection<\/a>, and turning toward it matters more than finding the right words. It also leaves room for them to judge their own work, and to make their own decisions about what comes next.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">A child who hears \u201cYou\u2019re so smart\u201d learns something about who they are. A child who hears \u201cYou tried a new way when the first one didn\u2019t work\u201d learns something about what they can do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"it-works-for-grown-ups-too\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">It works for grown-ups too<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">None of this stops at childhood. A large review of feedback in schools found that <strong class=\"eqb\">feedback about the task, and how it was done, tends to help<\/strong>, while praise aimed at the person, the \u201cGreat student!\u201d kind, rarely does much. Most of that research is about students, so for adults it\u2019s a good bet rather than a proven rule. It\u2019s worth trying with the people you work with, with a partner, and now and then, on yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-f86ed65e wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#eef4f8;border-color:#d3e2ec;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:20px;margin-top:46px;margin-bottom:46px;padding:34px 38px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:12px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WHAT THE RESEARCH SUPPORTS<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Calling children smart or talented can make setbacks harder, and in several studies it made children more likely to give up, to feel ashamed or to cheat. Praise that describes what a child actually did, and that sounds sincere and in proportion, is the safer choice. Whether praising effort on its own improves motivation is less certain: some studies find a benefit, and some careful repeats don\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-7c590e6f wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#fbf4e6;border-color:#eedcb9;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:20px;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:46px;padding:34px 38px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2f6a8c;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:12px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WORTH BEING CLEAR ABOUT<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Most of these studies are small, many took place in a lab with puzzles or stories rather than at home, and most of the children were in the United States, the Netherlands or China. The best-known study hasn\u2019t held up well when it was repeated, and the effects of teaching a growth mindset are small on average and still argued over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">None of this means warmth is risky or that you\u2019ve been getting it wrong. What seems to matter is less how much you praise than what the praise says.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-69c879e7 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#faf8f3;border-color:#e8e1d5;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:18px;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:44px;padding:30px 34px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#6b6259;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:14px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">REFERENCES<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" style=\"color:#524a42;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.17), 15.5px);line-height:1.7\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/cdep.12284\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Amemiya, J., &amp; Wang, M.-T. (2018). Why effort praise can backfire in adolescence. <em>Child Development Perspectives, 12<\/em>(3), 199-203.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.jecp.2024.106032\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Bennett-Pierre, G., Chernuta, T., Altamimi, R., &amp; Gunderson, E. A. (2024). Effects of praise and \u201ceasy\u201d feedback on children\u2019s persistence and self-evaluations. <em>Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 247<\/em>, Article 106032.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/cdev.12936\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Brummelman, E., Nelemans, S. A., Thomaes, S., &amp; Orobio de Castro, B. (2017). When parents\u2019 praise inflates, children\u2019s self&#45;esteem deflates. <em>Child Development, 88<\/em>(6), 1799-1809.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/0956797613514251\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Brummelman, E., Thomaes, S., Orobio de Castro, B., Overbeek, G., &amp; Bushman, B. J. (2014). \u201cThat\u2019s not just beautiful, that\u2019s incredibly beautiful!\u201d: The adverse impact of inflated praise on children with low self-esteem. <em>Psychological Science, 25<\/em>(3), 728-735.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/a0031917\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Brummelman, E., Thomaes, S., Overbeek, G., Orobio de Castro, B., van den Hout, M. A., &amp; Bushman, B. J. (2014). On feeding those hungry for praise: Person praise backfires in children with low self-esteem. <em>Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143<\/em>(1), 9-14.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/bul0000368\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Burnette, J. L., Billingsley, J., Banks, G. C., Knouse, L. E., Hoyt, C. L., Pollack, J. M., &amp; Simon, S. (2023). A systematic review and meta&#45;analysis of growth mindset interventions: For whom, how, and why might such interventions work? <em>Psychological Bulletin, 149<\/em>(3-4), 174-205.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/j.1467-9280.2007.01896.x\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Cimpian, A., Arce, H.&#45;M. C., Markman, E. M., &amp; Dweck, C. S. (2007). Subtle linguistic cues affect children\u2019s motivation. <em>Psychological Science, 18<\/em>(4), 314-316.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1007\/s11031-006-9039-4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Corpus, J. H., Ogle, C. M., &amp; Love-Geiger, K. E. (2006). The effects of social-comparison versus mastery praise on children\u2019s intrinsic motivation. <em>Motivation and Emotion, 30<\/em>(4), 333-343.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/0033-2909.125.6.627\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Deci, E. L., Koestner, R., &amp; Ryan, R. M. (1999). A meta-analytic review of experiments examining the effects of extrinsic rewards on intrinsic motivation. <em>Psychological Bulletin, 125<\/em>(6), 627-668.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/cdev.12064\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Gunderson, E. A., Gripshover, S. J., Romero, C., Dweck, C. S., Goldin-Meadow, S., &amp; Levine, S. C. (2013). Parent praise to 1- to 3-year-olds predicts children\u2019s motivational frameworks 5 years later. <em>Child Development, 84<\/em>(5), 1526-1541.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/dev0000444\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Gunderson, E. A., Sorhagen, N. S., Gripshover, S. J., Dweck, C. S., Goldin-Meadow, S., &amp; Levine, S. C. (2018). Parent praise to toddlers predicts fourth grade academic achievement via children\u2019s incremental mindsets. <em>Developmental Psychology, 54<\/em>(3), 397-409.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/0956797616639727\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Haimovitz, K., &amp; Dweck, C. S. (2016). Parents\u2019 views of failure predict children\u2019s fixed and growth intelligence mind&#45;sets. <em>Psychological Science, 27<\/em>(6), 859-869.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.3102\/003465430298487\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Hattie, J., &amp; Timperley, H. (2007). The power of feedback. <em>Review of Educational Research, 77<\/em>(1), 81-112.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/0033-2909.128.5.774\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Henderlong, J., &amp; Lepper, M. R. (2002). The effects of praise on children\u2019s intrinsic motivation: A review and synthesis. <em>Psychological Bulletin, 128<\/em>(5), 774-795.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1080\/01443410601159852\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Henderlong Corpus, J., &amp; Lepper, M. R. (2007). The effects of person versus performance praise on children\u2019s motivation: Gender and age as moderating factors. <em>Educational Psychology, 27<\/em>(4), 487-508.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/0012-1649.35.3.835\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Kamins, M. L., &amp; Dweck, C. S. (1999). Person versus process praise and criticism: Implications for contingent self-worth and coping. <em>Developmental Psychology, 35<\/em>(3), 835-847.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/xge0000669\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Li, Y., &amp; Bates, T. C. (2019). You can\u2019t change your basic ability, but you work at things, and that\u2019s how we get hard things done: Testing the role of growth mindset on response to setbacks, educational attainment, and cognitive ability. <em>Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 148<\/em>(9), 1640-1655.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/bul0000352\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Macnamara, B. N., &amp; Burgoyne, A. P. (2023). Do growth mindset interventions impact students\u2019 academic achievement? A systematic review and meta-analysis with recommendations for best practices. <em>Psychological Bulletin, 149<\/em>(3-4), 133-173.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1080\/14792779243000087\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Meyer, W.-U. (1992). Paradoxical effects of praise and criticism on perceived ability. <em>European Review of Social Psychology, 3<\/em>(1), 259-283.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/0022-3514.75.1.33\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Mueller, C. M., &amp; Dweck, C. S. (1998). Praise for intelligence can undermine children\u2019s motivation and performance. <em>Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75<\/em>(1), 33-52.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/a0031840\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Pomerantz, E. M., &amp; Kempner, S. G. (2013). Mothers\u2019 daily person and process praise: Implications for children\u2019s theory of intelligence and motivation. <em>Developmental Psychology, 49<\/em>(11), 2040-2046.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/dev0001584\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Radovanovic, M., Soldovieri, A., &amp; Sommerville, J. A. (2023). It takes two: Process praise linking trying and success is associated with greater infant persistence. <em>Developmental Psychology, 59<\/em>(9), 1668-1675.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/0956797617739704\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Sisk, V. F., Burgoyne, A. P., Sun, J., Butler, J. L., &amp; Macnamara, B. N. (2018). To what extent and under which circumstances are growth mind-sets important to academic achievement? Two meta-analyses. <em>Psychological Science, 29<\/em>(4), 549-571.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1038\/s41586-019-1466-y\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Yeager, D. S., Hanselman, P., Walton, G. M., Murray, J. S., Crosnoe, R., Muller, C., Tipton, E., Schneider, B., Hulleman, C. S., Hinojosa, C. P., Paunesku, D., Romero, C., Flint, K., Roberts, A., Trott, J., Iachan, R., Buontempo, J., Yang, S. M., Carvalho, C. M., . . . Dweck, C. S. (2019). A national experiment reveals where a growth mindset improves achievement. <em>Nature, 573<\/em>(7774), 364-369.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1177\/0956797617721529\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Zhao, L., Heyman, G. D., Chen, L., &amp; Lee, K. (2017). Praising young children for being smart promotes cheating. <em>Psychological Science, 28<\/em>(12), 1868-1870.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/edu0001062\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#ecd3a8\">Zhao, L., Peng, J., Li, Y., Wang, N., &amp; Lee, K. (2026). When \u201cyou are smart\u201d backfires: Adult ability attributions of young children\u2019s success increase test cheating. <em>Journal of Educational Psychology<\/em>. Advance online publication.<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"eq-lastrev\" style=\"margin:34px 0 0;font-family:&quot;Work Sans&quot;,sans-serif;font-size:11.5px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.15em;text-transform:uppercase;line-height:1.5;color:#6b6259\">Last reviewed October 2026<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<style>.eqp{--rc-accent:#925c0c;--rc-band:#f9f2e9;--rc-hover:#f4e9d9;--rc-bg:#faf8f3}.eqp .eq-rc-btn{display:none}.eqp .eq-rc{position:relative}.eqp .eq-rc li[hidden]{display:block;margin:0;padding:0;height:0;line-height:0;font-size:0}.eqp .eq-rc li.rc-off{display:none}.eqp .eq-rc.is-collapsed::after{content:\"\";position:absolute;left:0;right:0;bottom:0;height:76px;background:linear-gradient(to bottom,transparent,var(--rc-bg) 94%);pointer-events:none}.eqp .eq-rc ~ .eq-rc-btn{display:inline-flex;align-items:center;justify-content:center;gap:8px;box-sizing:border-box;min-width:260px;min-height:48px;margin:22px 0 0;padding:12px 26px;background:var(--rc-band);color:var(--rc-accent);border:1.5px solid var(--rc-accent);border-radius:9px;font-family:\"Work Sans\",system-ui,sans-serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:600;line-height:1.3;letter-spacing:normal;text-transform:none;text-decoration:none;text-align:center;box-shadow:none;cursor:pointer;-webkit-appearance:none;appearance:none;-webkit-tap-highlight-color:transparent}.eqp .eq-rc ~ .eq-rc-btn:hover{background:var(--rc-hover);color:var(--rc-accent)}.eqp .eq-rc ~ .eq-rc-btn:focus-visible{outline:3px solid var(--rc-accent);outline-offset:3px}.eqp .eq-rc-chev{flex:0 0 auto;width:8px;height:8px;margin-top:-4px;border-right:2px solid currentColor;border-bottom:2px solid currentColor;transform:rotate(45deg);transition:transform .2s ease}.eqp .eq-rc-btn[aria-expanded=\"true\"] .eq-rc-chev{margin-top:4px;transform:rotate(-135deg)}@media (max-width:640px){.eqp .eq-rc ~ .eq-rc-btn{display:flex;width:100%;min-width:0;margin:18px 0 0;padding:12px 10px}}@media (prefers-reduced-motion:reduce){.eqp .eq-rc-chev{transition:none}}@media print{.eqp .eq-rc-btn{display:none!important}.eqp .eq-rc::after{display:none!important}.eqp .eq-rc li[hidden]{display:list-item!important;content-visibility:visible!important;height:auto!important;font-size:inherit!important;line-height:inherit!important}.eqp .eq-rc li.rc-off{display:list-item!important}}<\/style>\n<style id=\"eq-sweep-2914\">.eqp .eq-subtitle{text-transform:uppercase}\/* eq-sweep-2914 (proposal, 17 Oct 2026). 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from watching you decide, with eight things to try this week.<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"2560\" height=\"1708\" src=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"A therapist taking notes on a clipboard during a session\" class=\"wp-image-230\" style=\"width:100%;height:340px;object-fit:cover;object-position:center 40%;border-radius:22px 22px 0 0;display:block\" srcset=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-scaled.jpg 2560w, https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-1536x1025.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2560px) 100vw, 2560px\" \/><\/div>\n<div hidden data-eq-related=\"2387,2851,3144\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background eq-ondark has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-f761ea3b wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#2f6a8c;border-radius:0px 0px 22px 22px;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:80px;padding:52px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#cfe2ee;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:14px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WORKING WITH THIS<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"when-mistakes-feel-too-big\" style=\"color:#ffffff;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">When mistakes feel too big<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#ffffff;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:30px;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.455), 18px);line-height:1.7\">If your child is very hard on themselves, gives up quickly, or seems to carry a lot of pressure about getting things right, talking it through with a therapist can help you understand what\u2019s going on for them, and how best to support them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-button\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link has-text-color has-background has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-element-button\" href=\"\/individual-session\/\" style=\"border-radius:9px;color:#2a2622;background-color:#faf8f3;padding:15px 30px;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.284), 16.5px);font-weight:700\">Book a session<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-button footer_b\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-element-button\" href=\"\/contact\/\" style=\"border-color:#a9c7da;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:9px;color:#ffffff;padding:15px 30px;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.284), 16.5px);font-weight:600\">Get in touch<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What the praise studies found, which parts have held up, how praise differs from rewards and comparison, how it lands at different ages, and what to say in practice, including after a setback<\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"iawp_total_views":412,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2914","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2914","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2914"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2914\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4768,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2914\/revisions\/4768"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2914"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2914"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2914"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}