{"id":2907,"date":"2025-05-06T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-05-06T08:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/bids-for-connection\/"},"modified":"2026-11-02T15:03:31","modified_gmt":"2026-11-02T14:03:31","slug":"bids-for-connection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/bids-for-connection\/","title":{"rendered":"Bids for Connection"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<style>\n\/* The accent is a light-background device. Inside a reversed-out panel it stops\n   being emphasis and becomes unreadable - coral on the Matrix closing panel\n   measured 2.0:1 - so the mark falls back to the panel's own text colour and\n   lets weight alone carry it. gOpen tags those panels .eq-ondark. *\/\n.eqp .eq-ondark .eqb{color:inherit}\n\/* House rule: bold emphasis is set in the article's own accent colour, so a\n   marked phrase belongs to the piece it sits in rather than importing a\n   site-wide highlight. v2-emph.js inserts <strong class=\"eqb\">; theme() has\n   already declared --eqp-accent for this post. Italics deliberately stay ink,\n   and nothing inside a component that exists to make a line stand out is\n   coloured, because that is emphasis on emphasis. *\/\n.eqp .eqb{color:var(--eqp-accent)}\n\/* A separator between a short answer and the caveat that belongs on the same\n   line. Muted and given real air on both sides, so it reads as a mark between\n   two statements rather than as punctuation inside one. A dash cannot be used\n   here: the house rule bans em and en dashes, and wptexturize rewrites a spaced\n   hyphen into an en dash on render. *\/\n.eqp .eq-tld{color:var(--eqp-muted);padding:0 .58em;font-weight:400}\n\/* A short answer standing against the caveat on the same line. Same accent as\n   an emphasis mark, but a different class, because it is a label rather than a\n   mark inside a sentence and must not count against the emphasis budget. *\/\n.eqp .eq-ans{color:var(--eqp-accent)}\n.eqp .eq-ondark .eq-ans{color:inherit}\n:root{--eqp-accent:#00373e;--eqp-accent2:#005f8d;--eqp-muted:#8d9695;--eqp-dot:#cfdcdb;--eqp-line:#dde8e7;--eqp-line2:#c3d6d4;--eqp-gold:#b08d68;--eqp-body:#4a6665;--eqp-sel:#d7e6e4;--eqp-shadow:rgba(0,55,62,.16)}\n.eqp{--teal:#00373e;--navy:#0b1f30;--blue:#005f8d;--ink:#26302f;--muted:#8d9695;\n  --cream:#fbf6f1;--creamE:#ecdcc9;--mist:#f3f7f6;--mistE:#dde8e7;--amber:#b08d68}\n\n\/* ---- reading progress ---- *\/\n#eqp-rail{position:fixed;top:0;left:0;right:0;height:2px;z-index:9999;pointer-events:none;background:transparent}\n#eqp-rail i{display:block;height:100%;background:var(--eqp-accent);transform:scaleX(0);transform-origin:0 50%;\n  will-change:transform}\n@supports (animation-timeline:scroll()){\n  #eqp-rail i{animation:eqp-grow linear both;animation-timeline:scroll(root block)}\n}\n@keyframes eqp-grow{from{transform:scaleX(0)}to{transform:scaleX(1)}}\n\n\/* ---- part rail ---- *\/\n#eqp-parts{position:fixed;left:26px;top:50%;transform:translateY(-50%);z-index:60;display:none}\n@media(min-width:1280px){#eqp-parts{display:block}}\n#eqp-parts a{display:flex;align-items:center;gap:11px;padding:7px 0;text-decoration:none;color:inherit}\n#eqp-parts,#eqp-parts a{pointer-events:none}\n#eqp-parts .dot{pointer-events:auto;position:relative;cursor:pointer}\n#eqp-parts .dot::before{content:\"\";position:absolute;top:-9px;right:-9px;bottom:-9px;left:-9px}\n#eqp-parts .dot{flex:0 0 auto;width:9px;height:9px;border-radius:50%;background:var(--eqp-dot);\n  transition:background .2s ease,transform .2s ease}\n#eqp-parts .lbl{white-space:nowrap;font:700 11px\/1 \"Work Sans\",sans-serif;letter-spacing:.1em;\n  text-transform:uppercase;color:var(--eqp-muted);opacity:0;transform:translateX(-4px);\n  transition:opacity .2s ease,transform .2s ease;pointer-events:none}\n#eqp-parts:hover .lbl{opacity:1;transform:none}\n#eqp-parts a:focus-visible .lbl{opacity:1;transform:none}\n#eqp-parts a.on .dot{background:var(--eqp-accent);transform:scale(1.45)}\n#eqp-parts a.on .lbl{color:var(--eqp-accent)}\n\n\/* ---- back to top ---- *\/\n#eqp-top{position:fixed;right:26px;bottom:26px;z-index:60;display:inline-flex;align-items:center;gap:8px;\n  padding:11px 17px;border-radius:999px;border:1.5px solid var(--eqp-line);background:#fff;\n  color:var(--eqp-accent);font:600 14px\/1 \"Work Sans\",sans-serif;cursor:pointer;\n  box-shadow:0 2px 14px var(--eqp-shadow);\n  opacity:0;visibility:hidden;transform:translateY(8px);\n  transition:opacity .25s ease,transform .25s ease,visibility .25s}\n#eqp-top.on{opacity:1;visibility:visible;transform:none}\n#eqp-top:hover{color:var(--eqp-accent2);border-color:var(--eqp-line2)}\n#eqp-top svg{width:13px;height:13px}\n\n\/* ---- scroll reveal ----\n   Gated on [data-eqp], which the script sets before any of these elements are\n   parsed. No script, no hiding: the article never depends on JS to be visible. *\/\n[data-eqp] .eq-rev{opacity:0;transform:translateY(12px);\n  transition:opacity .38s cubic-bezier(.22,.61,.36,1),transform .38s cubic-bezier(.22,.61,.36,1)}\n[data-eqp] .eq-rev.in{opacity:1;transform:none}\n\n\/* ---- drop cap ---- *\/\n.eq-drop::first-letter{float:left;font-family:\"Playfair Display\",Georgia,serif;font-weight:800;\n  font-size:4.4em;line-height:.84;margin:.06em .10em 0 0;color:var(--eqp-accent)}\n\n\/* ---- focus + selection, applied inside the article only ---- *\/\n.eqp ::selection{background:var(--eqp-sel);color:var(--eqp-accent)}\n\n@media(max-width:520px){\n  .eq-drop::first-letter{font-size:3.5em}\n  #eqp-top{right:14px;bottom:14px;padding:10px 14px}\n}\n@media(prefers-reduced-motion:reduce){\n  .eq-rev,#eqp-top,#eqp-parts .dot,#eqp-parts .lbl{transition:none!important}\n  .eq-rev{opacity:1!important;transform:none!important}\n  #eqp-rail i{animation:none!important}\n}\n\n@media(max-width:560px){.eqp .wp-block-group.has-background{padding:24px 20px!important}}\n\n\/* ---- print ---- *\/\n@media print{\n  #eqp-rail,#eqp-parts,#eqp-top{display:none!important}\n  .eq-rev{opacity:1!important;transform:none!important}\n  h2,h3{break-after:avoid;page-break-after:avoid}\n  a{text-decoration:none;color:#000}\n  .eqp{font-size:11pt}\n}\n\n\/* ---- phones: tap targets, back to top, small text (30 Sep 2026) ----\n   Everything here sits inside phone or touch media queries, so tablet and\n   laptop layouts are untouched. No colours are changed. *\/\n@media (hover:none),(max-width:640px){\n.eqp button,.eqp summary,.eqp select,.eqp input,.eqp textarea,.eqp label,.eqp a,.eqp [role=button],.eqp [tabindex],#eqp-top{-webkit-tap-highlight-color:rgba(30,110,104,.16)}\n}\n@media (max-width:640px){\n#eqp-top{min-height:44px;padding-top:0;padding-bottom:0;bottom:14px;bottom:calc(14px + env(safe-area-inset-bottom,0px));right:14px;right:calc(14px + env(safe-area-inset-right,0px))}\n#eqp-top.eqp-top-off{opacity:0!important;visibility:hidden!important;pointer-events:none!important}\nbody .eqp .eq-toc li{margin:0}\nbody .eqp .eq-toc li a{display:block;box-sizing:border-box;min-height:44px;padding:10px 0}\nbody .eqp .eq-toc summary .ttl,body .eqp .eq-toc .flat .ttl{padding:11px 0;margin:-11px 0}\nbody .eqp p.eq-lastrev{font-size:12px!important}\n}\n\/*>*\/\n\/* eq-phone-fixes-13oct:start (per post; same rules as the site-wide sweep fixes)\n   Three fixes for every post, from the 12 Oct sweeps.\n   1. The 2px reading-progress line (#eqp-rail) sat 24px below the top of the window,\n      because the block layout gives every child of the post a 24px top margin. It\n      crossed the text like a strikethrough. It now sits at the very top.\n   2. Phone: text inside boxes (evidence boxes, \"worth being clear about\", panels)\n      stayed at the fluid minimum, 14.6px, while plain paragraphs are lifted to 17px\n      by the eq-phone-fixes rule (which only reaches direct children). Figures keep\n      their own sizes.\n   3. Tablet (641 to 899px, and any touch screen above that): contents rows get the\n      same 44px tap height the phone rows already have (they were 19 to 26px),\n      including the part rows with no sub-items (.flat). *\/\n#eqp-rail{margin:0!important}\n@media (max-width:640px){\n  body.single-post .eqp .has-background p[style*=\"21px)\"]:not(figure p){font-size:17px!important;line-height:1.62!important}\n}\n@media (min-width:641px) and (max-width:899px),(min-width:641px) and (hover:none){\n  body .eqp .eq-toc li{margin:0}\n  body .eqp .eq-toc li a{display:block;box-sizing:border-box;min-height:44px;padding:10px 0}\n  body .eqp .eq-toc summary .ttl{padding:11px 0;margin:-11px 0}\n  body .eqp .eq-toc .flat > a{display:flex;align-items:center;box-sizing:border-box;min-height:44px}\n}\n\/* 13 Oct, Luka approved:\n   4. Contents box on phones and tablets: the 11px open arrow moves to the right edge of each\n      part row with a 44px tap area, so opening the subsections no longer competes with the\n      title link; the minutes line lines up under the title on phones.\n   5. Working with this panel on phones: both buttons full width, same pill shape, stacked\n      with an even gap; Book a session stays filled, Get in touch outlined. *\/\n@media (max-width:899px),(hover:none){\n  body .eqp .eq-toc details>summary{position:relative;padding-right:56px!important}\n  body .eqp .eq-toc details>summary .chev{position:absolute;right:0;top:calc(50% - 22px);width:16px;height:16px;padding:14px;box-sizing:content-box;margin:0!important}\n  body .eqp .eq-toc .flat{padding-right:56px!important}\n  body .eqp .eq-toc .flat > .chev{display:none!important}\n}\n@media (max-width:640px){\n  body .eqp .eq-toc details>summary .cnt,body .eqp .eq-toc .flat .cnt{padding-left:0!important}\n  body .eq-ondark .wp-block-buttons{display:flex!important;flex-direction:column!important;align-items:stretch!important;gap:12px!important}\n  body .eq-ondark .wp-block-button{width:100%!important;margin:0!important}\n  body .eq-ondark .wp-block-button__link{display:flex!important;justify-content:center;align-items:center;width:100%!important;box-sizing:border-box;min-height:52px;border-radius:999px!important;text-align:center}\n}\n\/* eq-phone-fixes-13oct:end *\/\n\n<\/style><style>\n\/* ---- table of contents ---- *\/\n\/* Every contents link and every part-rail link lands its target flush against\n   the top edge of the window. There is no sticky header to clear, so this is\n   only air, but a heading jammed into the browser chrome reads as a page that\n   has jumped rather than one that has arrived. *\/\n.eqp [id]{scroll-margin-top:28px}\n\n\/* The border belongs to the container, not to details:last-of-type: as soon as\n   a part with no subsections is allowed to be a plain row, the last row can be\n   one of those and the list ends with no line under it. *\/\n.eq-toc{margin:0;border-bottom:1px solid var(--eqp-line)}\n.eq-toc details,.eq-toc .flat{border-top:1px solid var(--eqp-line);margin:0}\n.eq-toc summary,.eq-toc .flat{display:flex;align-items:baseline;gap:15px;padding:17px 2px;\n  cursor:pointer;list-style:none;transition:color .18s ease}\n.eq-toc summary::-webkit-details-marker{display:none}\n.eq-toc summary:hover,.eq-toc .flat:hover{color:var(--eqp-accent2)}\n.eq-toc summary:focus-visible{outline:2px solid var(--eqp-accent2);outline-offset:3px;border-radius:5px}\n.eq-toc .num{flex:0 0 auto;font:700 12px\/1 \"Work Sans\",sans-serif;letter-spacing:.13em;color:var(--eqp-gold);\n  min-width:56px;font-variant-numeric:tabular-nums}\n\/* A part with no subsections keeps the chevron's footprint but not the chevron,\n   so every PART number stays on the same vertical line. *\/\n.eq-toc .chev.hide{visibility:hidden}\n.eq-toc .ttl{flex:1 1 auto;font:700 19px\/1.3 \"Work Sans\",sans-serif;color:var(--eqp-accent);\n  text-decoration:none;border-bottom:1px solid transparent;\n  transition:color .18s ease,border-color .18s ease}\n.eq-toc .ttl:hover{color:var(--eqp-accent2);border-bottom-color:var(--eqp-line2)}\n.eq-toc .ttl:focus-visible{outline:2px solid var(--eqp-accent2);outline-offset:2px;border-radius:3px}\n.eq-toc .cnt{flex:0 0 auto;font:400 13.5px\/1 \"Work Sans\",sans-serif;color:var(--eqp-muted);\n  font-variant-numeric:tabular-nums;white-space:nowrap}\n.eq-toc .chev{flex:0 0 auto;width:11px;height:11px;transition:transform .22s ease;color:var(--eqp-muted)}\n.eq-toc details[open] .chev{transform:rotate(90deg)}\n.eq-toc details[open] .ttl{color:var(--eqp-accent2)}\n.eq-toc ul{list-style:none;margin:0;padding:0 0 16px 71px}\n.eq-toc li{margin:0 0 9px}\n.eq-toc li a{font:400 15.5px\/1.5 \"Work Sans\",sans-serif;color:var(--eqp-body);text-decoration:none;\n  border-bottom:1px solid transparent;transition:color .18s ease,border-color .18s ease}\n.eq-toc li a:hover{color:var(--eqp-accent2);border-bottom-color:var(--eqp-line2)}\n.eq-toc li a:focus-visible{outline:2px solid var(--eqp-accent2);outline-offset:2px;border-radius:3px}\n\n@media(max-width:820px){\n  .eq-toc ul{padding-left:56px}\n  .eq-toc .sec,.eq-toc .sep{display:none}\n  .eq-toc .num{min-width:44px}\n}\n@media(prefers-reduced-motion:reduce){\n  .eq-toc .chev{transition:none!important}\n}\n@media print{\n  .eq-toc details{border-color:#bbb}\n  .eq-toc ul{display:block!important}\n}\n<\/style><style>:root{--eqp-accent:#1e6e68;--eqp-accent2:#164f4b;--eqp-muted:#6b6259;--eqp-dot:#bfe3e0;--eqp-line:#e8e1d5;--eqp-line2:#ebe4d6;--eqp-gold:#6b6259;--eqp-body:#4a433c;--eqp-sel:#d3eeeb;--eqp-shadow:rgba(45,40,35,.12)}<\/style><style>\n\/* part head: outlined numeral, label, Playfair title (house default), one line *\/\n.wt-part{display:flex;align-items:center;gap:22px;padding:0 0 16px;border-bottom:1.5px solid #ebe4d6}\n.wt-part .no{flex:0 0 auto;font-family:\"Playfair Display\",Georgia,serif;font-weight:800;\n  font-size:clamp(46px,6vw,64px);line-height:.85;color:#fcece4!important;\n  -webkit-text-stroke:1.5px #a8502f!important;font-variant-numeric:tabular-nums}\n.wt-part .tx{min-width:0}\n.wt-part .lb{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.16em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#a8502f!important;margin:0 0 6px}\n.wt-part h2{font-family:\"Playfair Display\",Georgia,serif!important;font-size:clamp(24px,2.6vw,28px);\n  font-weight:700;line-height:1.22;color:#2a2622;margin:0}\n.wt-part .sb{font-size:16px;line-height:1.55;color:#6b6259;margin:9px 0 0}\n@media(max-width:560px){.wt-part{gap:15px}.wt-part .no{font-size:40px}}\n\n\/* contents list on a phone: stack the row so the count cannot overflow *\/\n@media(max-width:560px){\n  .eqp .eq-toc summary,.eqp .eq-toc .flat{flex-wrap:wrap;row-gap:6px;column-gap:15px}\n  .eqp .eq-toc .num{min-width:0;flex:1 1 auto}\n  .eqp .eq-toc .ttl{order:3;flex:1 1 100%;padding-left:26px}\n  .eqp .eq-toc .cnt{order:4;flex:1 1 100%;padding-left:26px}\n  .eqp .eq-toc ul{padding-left:26px}\n}\n\n\/* bold is the brighter teal; italic terms take the accent *\/\n.eqp .eqb{color:#2a938b}\n@media(max-width:959px){.eqp .eqb{color:#237f78}}\n.eqp .eqi{color:var(--eqp-accent)}\n.eqp .eqb .eqi{color:inherit}\n.eqp .gd b .dt{font-style:normal;font-weight:500;letter-spacing:0;text-transform:none;color:#6b6259;margin-left:6px}\n\n\/* the two what-to-do boxes: cream with a visible edge, so they never sit mint-on-mint with a part head or the Be mindful card (24 Oct sweep) *\/\n.eqp .wp-block-group.has-background[style*=\"background-color:#e6f4f3;border-radius:18px\"]{background-color:#faf8f3!important;border:1.5px solid #ebe4d6}\n\n\/* read next *\/\n.wt-next{display:block;text-decoration:none;background:#fff;border:1.5px solid #e8e1d5;\n  border-left:5px solid #1e6e68;border-radius:18px;padding:26px 30px;transition:border-color .2s ease,transform .2s ease}\n.wt-next:hover{border-color:#b5dcd8;transform:translateY(-2px)}\n.wt-next .eyb{display:block;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.16em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#6b6259;margin:0 0 10px}\n.wt-next .ti{display:block;font-size:clamp(21px,2.4vw,25px);font-weight:700;line-height:1.25;color:#1e6e68;margin:0 0 9px;\n  text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:4px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#b5dcd8}\n.wt-next .wy{display:block;font-size:17px;line-height:1.6;color:#6b6259}\n.wt-next:focus-visible{outline:2px solid #1e6e68;outline-offset:3px}\n.eqp .bd-ph h2,.eqp h3.wp-block-heading,.eqp .eq-toc .ttl{text-wrap:balance}\n.eqp .bd-ph .sb,.eqp figcaption,.eqp .bd-three .bub,.eqp .has-background > p,.eqp .wt-next .wy,.eqp .eq-ondark p{text-wrap:pretty}\n.eqp .eq-kp .t,.eqp .eq-ff .t,.eqp .wp-block-group.has-background li{text-wrap:pretty}\n\n\/* small phones (360-375): long reference words and the list column must be able to break *\/\n@media(max-width:480px){.eqp ol.wp-block-list{padding-left:18px}.eqp ol.wp-block-list li{overflow-wrap:anywhere}}\n\n.eqp h3.wp-block-heading{text-wrap:pretty}<\/style><style>\n.bd-ph{position:relative;background:#e6f4f3;border-radius:26px 26px 26px 4px;padding:26px 34px 24px}\n.bd-ph::after{content:\"\";position:absolute;left:0;bottom:-14px;width:22px;height:16px;background:#e6f4f3;clip-path:polygon(0 0,100% 0,0 100%)}\n.bd-ph .tx{display:grid;grid-template-columns:minmax(0,1fr) auto;column-gap:16px;align-items:center}\n.bd-ph .lb{grid-column:1;grid-row:1;margin:0 0 10px;font-size:12.5px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.18em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#a8502f}\n.bd-ph h2{grid-column:1\/-1;grid-row:2;margin:0;font-family:\"Playfair Display\",Georgia,serif!important;font-size:clamp(25px,2.8vw,31px);font-weight:700;line-height:1.18;color:#164f4b}\n.bd-ph .sb{grid-column:1\/-1;grid-row:3;margin:8px 0 0;font-size:16.5px;line-height:1.5;color:#4a5f5d}\n.bd-ph .rc{grid-column:2;grid-row:1;display:flex;gap:8px;margin:0 0 10px}\n.bd-ph .rc svg{width:24px;height:15px;fill:none;stroke-width:2;stroke-linecap:round;stroke-linejoin:round}\n.bd-ph .rc .dn{stroke:#1e6e68}\n.bd-ph .rc .nw{stroke:#a8502f}\n.bd-ph .rc .up{stroke:#b9cfcc}\n@media(max-width:899px){.eqp .bd-three button{min-height:44px}}\n@media(max-width:600px){\n  .bd-ph{padding:20px 20px 18px}\n}\n<\/style><style>\n\/* ---- glossary popups ---- *\/\n\n\/* THE PAGE MUST NOT SCROLL SIDEWAYS BECAUSE OF A CARD NOBODY CAN SEE. A hidden\n   absolutely positioned box still extends the scrollable width, and a card\n   centred on a word near the right edge hangs off it until the script nudges it\n   back. The script does that on load, but \"on load\" is a moving target: web\n   fonts reflow the line after it, and the sleep article was still scrolling\n   41px sideways at 720px on some loads and not others.\n\n   overflow-x:clip settles it without depending on timing at all. Not hidden:\n   clip does not make this a scroll container, so anything sticky inside keeps\n   sticking and overflow-y stays visible. The clip edge is the page box, and a\n   320px card centred on a word inside the measure column has a couple of\n   hundred pixels of slack before it can reach that edge, so on a desktop it\n   never clips anything; on a narrow screen the clip edge is the viewport, which\n   is where the script is putting the card anyway. *\/\n.eqp{overflow-x:clip}\n\n\/* A dotted underline under a term that is usually already italic: quiet enough\n   to ignore, and different enough from a link to never be mistaken for one. *\/\n.eqp .gl{position:relative;display:inline;border-bottom:1.5px dotted #b5dcd8;\n  cursor:help;outline:none}\n.eqp .gl:focus-visible{outline:2px solid var(--eqp-accent);outline-offset:3px;\n  border-radius:3px}\n\n.eqp .gd{position:absolute;left:50%;bottom:calc(100% + 12px);z-index:40;\n  width:min(320px,78vw);box-sizing:border-box;\n  \/* THE NUDGE IS A MARGIN, NOT PART OF THE TRANSFORM. It used to ride inside\n     translateX as calc(-50% + var(--sx)), and the variable never took effect:\n     the script set --sx correctly, the sheet shipped correctly, and the\n     computed transform stayed at a flat -50% regardless. Measured on the live\n     page with the compositor running and a control element proving transform\n     itself worked, cards still sat 54 to 61px off the left edge of a 390px\n     screen. margin-left is a layout property, it resolves the variable, and it\n     put every card exactly where the script had calculated. *\/\n  transform:translateX(-50%) translateY(4px);margin-left:var(--sx,0px);\n  opacity:0;visibility:hidden;pointer-events:none;\n  background:#fff;border:1.5px solid var(--eqp-line2);border-radius:12px;\n  box-shadow:0 10px 30px rgba(20,30,40,.14);padding:14px 16px;\n  font-family:\"Work Sans\",sans-serif;font-size:14.5px;line-height:1.55;\n  font-style:normal;font-weight:400;color:var(--eqp-body);text-align:left;\n  transition:opacity .16s ease,transform .16s ease}\n.eqp .gd b{display:block;font-family:\"Work Sans\",sans-serif;font-size:11px;\n  font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.13em;text-transform:uppercase;\n  color:var(--eqp-muted);margin:0 0 6px}\n\/* The pointer, a rotated square sitting half outside the card. It carries the\n   nudge in reverse so it stays under the term when the card has moved. *\/\n.eqp .gd::after{content:\"\";position:absolute;left:calc(50% - 6px - var(--sx,0px));\n  bottom:-7px;width:12px;height:12px;background:#fff;\n  border-right:1.5px solid var(--eqp-line2);border-bottom:1.5px solid var(--eqp-line2);\n  transform:rotate(45deg)}\n.eqp .gl:hover .gd,.eqp .gl:focus .gd,.eqp .gl:focus-within .gd{\n  opacity:1;visibility:visible;pointer-events:auto;\n  transform:translateX(-50%) translateY(0)}\n@media(prefers-reduced-motion:reduce){\n  .eqp .gd{transition:none;transform:translateX(-50%)}\n}\n\/* A popup means nothing on paper, and nothing is lost: every glossed term keeps\n   the author's own sentence around it. *\/\n@media print{.eqp .gd{display:none}.eqp .gl{border-bottom:0}}\n<\/style><style>\n.eqp .gl{color:#1e6e68}\n.eqp .gl:hover{background:#e6f4f3}\n.eqp .eqb .gl{color:inherit}\n.eqp .gd{border-left:3px solid #1e6e68}\n.eqp .gd b{color:#1e6e68;background:#e6f4f3;margin:-14px -16px 12px;padding:10px 16px 9px;border-bottom:1px solid #bfe3e0}\n.eqp .gd::after{border-right-color:#bfe3e0;border-bottom-color:#bfe3e0}\n<\/style><script>\n(function(){\n  \/* The sheet is the first block on the page, so at parse time not one .gl\n     exists yet and binding straight away binds to nothing. It did, silently:\n     the cards still opened, because opening is pure CSS, and only the nudge was\n     missing. Wait for the document instead. *\/\n  function bind(){\n    var gl=document.querySelectorAll('.eqp .gl');\n    if(!gl.length){return;}\n    \/* MEASURE THE TERM, NOT THE CARD. Reading the card's own rect looks like\n       the obvious thing to do and is wrong: the card is mid transition when the\n       pointer arrives, so its rect is wherever the animation has got to, and a\n       nudge computed from it was correct on a first hover and zero on a second.\n       The term does not move and offsetWidth ignores transforms.\n\n       getClientRects()[0] rather than getBoundingClientRect, because a term\n       that wraps across two lines is anchored by CSS to its first line box. *\/\n    function place(el){\n      var card=el.querySelector('.gd');\n      if(!card){return;}\n      var rects=el.getClientRects();\n      var a=rects.length?rects[0]:el.getBoundingClientRect();\n      var mid=a.left+a.width\/2, half=card.offsetWidth\/2, m=14, dx=0;\n      if(mid-half<m){dx=m-(mid-half);}\n      else if(mid+half>window.innerWidth-m){dx=(window.innerWidth-m)-(mid+half);}\n      card.style.setProperty('--sx',dx.toFixed(1)+'px');\n    }\n    for(var i=0;i<gl.length;i++){\n      (function(el){\n        el.addEventListener('mouseenter',function(){place(el);});\n        el.addEventListener('focus',function(){place(el);});\n        el.addEventListener('keydown',function(e){\n          if(e.key==='Escape'){el.blur();}\n        });\n      })(gl[i]);\n    }\n    function placeAll(){for(var j=0;j<gl.length;j++){place(gl[j]);}}\n    placeAll();\n    \/* Again once the web fonts have swapped, which moves every line on the\n       page, and again at load for anything else that reflowed. *\/\n    if(document.fonts){document.fonts.ready.then(placeAll);}\n    if(document.readyState!=='complete'){window.addEventListener('load',placeAll);}\n    var t=null;\n    window.addEventListener('resize',function(){\n      if(t){clearTimeout(t);}\n      t=setTimeout(placeAll,120);\n    });\n  }\n  if(document.readyState==='loading'){\n    document.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded',bind);\n  }else{bind();}\n})();\n\/*>*\/<\/script><div id=\"eqp-rail\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><i><\/i><\/div><nav id=\"eqp-parts\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><a href=\"#part-1\" data-i=\"1\" tabindex=\"-1\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span><span class=\"lbl\">What bids for connection are<\/span><\/a><a href=\"#part-2\" data-i=\"2\" tabindex=\"-1\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span><span class=\"lbl\">Why the small moments add up<\/span><\/a><a href=\"#part-3\" data-i=\"3\" tabindex=\"-1\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span><span class=\"lbl\">How to turn toward<\/span><\/a><a href=\"#part-4\" data-i=\"4\" tabindex=\"-1\"><span class=\"dot\"><\/span><span class=\"lbl\">When your bids go unanswered<\/span><\/a><\/nav><button id=\"eqp-top\" type=\"button\" aria-label=\"Back to the top of the article\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M6 10.5V2M2 5.5 6 1.5l4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg>Top<\/button><script>(function(){document.documentElement.setAttribute(\"data-eqp\",\"on\");function init(){var RM=false;if(window.matchMedia){RM=window.matchMedia(\"(prefers-reduced-motion: reduce)\").matches;}var bar=document.querySelector(\"#eqp-rail i\");var hasST=false;if(window.CSS){if(CSS.supports){hasST=CSS.supports(\"animation-timeline\",\"scroll()\");}}if(bar){if(!hasST){  var tick=function(){    var h=document.documentElement.scrollHeight-window.innerHeight;    var p=h>0?window.scrollY\/h:0;    if(p<0)p=0; if(p>1)p=1;    bar.style.transform=\"scaleX(\"+p+\")\";  };  addEventListener(\"scroll\",tick,{passive:true});addEventListener(\"resize\",tick);tick();}}var rev=document.querySelectorAll(\".eq-rev\");if(RM||!(\"IntersectionObserver\" in window)){  Array.prototype.forEach.call(rev,function(n){n.classList.add(\"in\");});}else{  var ro=new IntersectionObserver(function(es){    es.forEach(function(e){if(e.isIntersecting){e.target.classList.add(\"in\");ro.unobserve(e.target);}});  },{rootMargin:\"0px 0px -8% 0px\",threshold:0.08});  Array.prototype.forEach.call(rev,function(n){ro.observe(n);});}var bands=document.querySelectorAll(\".eq-range .band\");if(RM||!(\"IntersectionObserver\" in window)){  Array.prototype.forEach.call(bands,function(n){n.classList.add(\"in\");});}else{  var bo=new IntersectionObserver(function(es){    es.forEach(function(e){      if(!e.isIntersecting)return;      var d=parseInt(e.target.getAttribute(\"data-d\")||\"0\",10);      setTimeout(function(){e.target.classList.add(\"in\");},d);      bo.unobserve(e.target);    });  },{threshold:0.3});  Array.prototype.forEach.call(bands,function(n){bo.observe(n);});}var figs=document.querySelectorAll(\"[data-eq-anim]\");if(RM||!(\"IntersectionObserver\" in window)){  Array.prototype.forEach.call(figs,function(n){n.classList.add(\"eq-on\");});}else{  var fo=new IntersectionObserver(function(es){    es.forEach(function(e){      var vh=window.innerHeight||document.documentElement.clientHeight;      var b=e.target.getBoundingClientRect();      var tall=b.height>vh*0.6;      var ok=tall?(b.top<vh*0.7?(b.bottom>0):false):(e.intersectionRatio>=0.35);      if(!ok)return;      e.target.classList.add(\"eq-on\");      fo.unobserve(e.target);    });  },{threshold:[0,0.15,0.35,0.6]});  Array.prototype.forEach.call(figs,function(n){fo.observe(n);});}var links=[].slice.call(document.querySelectorAll(\"#eqp-parts a\"));var tops=links.map(function(a){return document.getElementById(a.getAttribute(\"href\").slice(1));});var btn=document.getElementById(\"eqp-top\");var last=-1;var sync=function(){  var y=window.scrollY+window.innerHeight*0.32, cur=-1;  for(var i=0;i<tops.length;i++){ if(tops[i]){ if(tops[i].getBoundingClientRect().top+window.scrollY<=y) cur=i; } }  if(cur!==last){    links.forEach(function(a,i){a.classList.toggle(\"on\",i===cur);});    last=cur;  }  if(btn){    var h=document.documentElement.scrollHeight-window.innerHeight;    var far=false; if(h>0){far=window.scrollY\/h>0.35;}    btn.classList.toggle(\"on\",far);  }};addEventListener(\"scroll\",sync,{passive:true});addEventListener(\"resize\",sync);sync();if(btn)btn.addEventListener(\"click\",function(){  window.scrollTo({top:0,behavior:RM?\"auto\":\"smooth\"});});}if(document.readyState===\"loading\"){document.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",init);}else{init();}})();\/*>*\/<\/script>\n<script>(function(){\nif(window.eqTopFix){return;}\nwindow.eqTopFix=1;\nvar MQ=null;\nif(window.matchMedia){MQ=window.matchMedia(\"(max-width: 640px)\");}\nvar OFF=\"eqp-top-off\";\nvar SELQ=\".eqp a[href],.eqp button,.eqp input,.eqp select,.eqp textarea,.eqp summary,.eqp label,.eqp [role=button],.eqp [role=tab],.eqp [role=slider],.eqp .gl,.eqp .eq-term,.eqp .hnd\";\nvar busy=false,typing=false;\nfunction phone(){\nif(MQ){return MQ.matches;}\nreturn false;\n}\nfunction field(el){\nif(!el){return false;}\nvar t=el.tagName;\nif(t===\"TEXTAREA\"){return true;}\nif(t===\"SELECT\"){return true;}\nif(el.isContentEditable){return true;}\nif(t===\"INPUT\"){\nvar ty=(el.getAttribute(\"type\")||\"text\").toLowerCase();\nif(ty===\"range\"){return false;}\nif(ty===\"checkbox\"){return false;}\nif(ty===\"radio\"){return false;}\nif(ty===\"button\"){return false;}\nif(ty===\"submit\"){return false;}\nif(ty===\"reset\"){return false;}\nreturn true;\n}\nreturn false;\n}\nfunction tail(){\nvar p=document.querySelector(\".eqp p.eq-lastrev\");\nvar n=null;\nif(p){\nif(p.parentNode){n=p.parentNode.nextElementSibling;}\n}\nwhile(n){\nif(n.tagName!==\"STYLE\"){\nif(n.tagName!==\"SCRIPT\"){break;}\n}\nn=n.nextElementSibling;\n}\nif(n){\nif(n.getBoundingClientRect().top<window.innerHeight){return true;}\n}\nvar f=document.querySelector(\"footer\");\nif(f){\nif(f.getBoundingClientRect().top<window.innerHeight){return true;}\n}\nreturn false;\n}\nfunction blocked(btn){\nvar r=btn.getBoundingClientRect();\nif(r.width<1){return false;}\nvar list=document.querySelectorAll(SELQ),i,q,e,ix,iy;\nfor(i=0;i<list.length;i++){\ne=list[i];\nif(e===btn){continue;}\nif(e.tagName===\"LABEL\"){\nif(!e.querySelector(\"input,select,textarea\")){continue;}\n}\nq=e.getBoundingClientRect();\nif(q.width<1){continue;}\nif(q.height<1){continue;}\nif(q.bottom<r.top){continue;}\nif(q.top>r.bottom){continue;}\nix=Math.min(r.right,q.right)-Math.max(r.left,q.left);\niy=Math.min(r.bottom,q.bottom)-Math.max(r.top,q.top);\nif(ix>1){\nif(iy>1){\nif(window.getComputedStyle(e).visibility!==\"hidden\"){return true;}\n}\n}\n}\nreturn false;\n}\nfunction sync(){\nbusy=false;\nvar b=document.getElementById(\"eqp-top\");\nif(!b){return;}\nvar h=document.documentElement.scrollHeight-window.innerHeight;\nvar far=false;\nif(h>0){far=window.scrollY\/h>0.35;}\nb.classList.toggle(\"on\",far);\nvar off=false;\nif(phone()){\nif(typing){off=true;}\nelse if(tail()){off=true;}\nelse if(blocked(b)){off=true;}\n}\nb.classList.toggle(OFF,off);\n}\nfunction ask(){\nif(busy){return;}\nbusy=true;\nif(window.requestAnimationFrame){window.requestAnimationFrame(sync);}\nelse{window.setTimeout(sync,50);}\n}\nwindow.addEventListener(\"scroll\",ask,{passive:true});\nwindow.addEventListener(\"resize\",ask);\nwindow.addEventListener(\"orientationchange\",ask);\nwindow.addEventListener(\"load\",ask);\ndocument.addEventListener(\"focusin\",function(e){typing=field(e.target);ask();});\ndocument.addEventListener(\"focusout\",function(){typing=false;ask();});\nif(MQ){\nif(MQ.addEventListener){MQ.addEventListener(\"change\",ask);}\nelse if(MQ.addListener){MQ.addListener(ask);}\n}\nask();\n})();\/*>*\/<\/script>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group alignfull eqp has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-69fa9525 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;padding:0px 22px\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n<div style=\"color:#6b6259;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.455), 18px);font-style:normal;font-weight:400;margin-top:54px;margin-bottom:0\" class=\"has-link-color wp-elements-1 wp-block-post-date has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\"><time datetime=\"2025-05-06T10:00:00+02:00\">6 svibnja, 2025<\/time><\/div>\n\n<div style=\"color:#6b6259;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.455), 18px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;text-transform:uppercase;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0\" class=\"taxonomy-category has-link-color wp-elements-2 wp-block-post-terms has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\"><a href=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/category\/relationship\/\" rel=\"tag\">Relationships<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n<h1 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-playfair-display-font-family\" id=\"top\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:12px;margin-bottom:16px;font-size:clamp(24.034px, 1.502rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 1.814), 40px);font-style:normal;font-weight:800;line-height:1.15\">Bids for Connection<\/h1>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#524a42;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:22px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.55\">What a bid for connection is, why the small moments between two people matter more than they look, how to notice them and turn toward them, and what to do when your own bids keep going unanswered<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"eq-credit\" style=\"--eq-credit-ac:#1e6e68\">Written by <a href=\"\/our-team-ivana\/\" rel=\"author\">Ivana<\/a>, psychologist and psychotherapist<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#6b6259;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.114), 15px);line-height:1.5\"><strong style=\"color:#1e6e68\">9 minute read<\/strong> &nbsp;&middot;&nbsp; 1,970 words<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<!-- eq-post-top -->\n<div class=\"pt-on\" hidden data-src=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/10\/bids-for-connection-post-top-b.jpg\" data-w=\"470\" data-aspect=\"0.696\" data-side=\"right\" data-bleed=\"\"><\/div>\n<script>\n\/* Post tops: turns the post's masthead group into the cream band and adds the\n   drawing beside the words. It runs as soon as the masthead's words are in, before\n   the post's own scripts measure anything (the Plain words switch keeps its place on\n   screen, so a band built later scrolled the page). Anything the page adds to the\n   masthead after this point is moved out below the band once the page has loaded.\n   The post's settings ride on the .pt-on marker, which the site CSS also keys on. *\/\n(function () {\n  function run() {\n    var cfg = document.querySelector('.pt-on');\n    var mh = document.querySelector('.eqp > .wp-block-group');\n    if (!cfg || !mh || mh.classList.contains('pt-band')) return !!mh;\n    var d = cfg.dataset, aspect = +d.aspect;\n    \/\/ Some posts run the story on inside the masthead group: stop at the drop-cap paragraph.\n    var words = document.createElement('div');\n    words.className = 'pt-words';\n    while (mh.firstElementChild && !mh.firstElementChild.matches('.eq-drop')) words.appendChild(mh.firstElementChild);\n    var rest = document.createDocumentFragment();\n    while (mh.firstElementChild) rest.appendChild(mh.firstElementChild);\n    mh.appendChild(words);\n    if (rest.childNodes.length) mh.parentNode.insertBefore(rest, mh.nextSibling);\n    var fig = document.createElement('figure');\n    fig.className = 'pt-art';\n    \/\/ Width and height reserve the drawing's space, so the band never grows when it arrives.\n    fig.innerHTML = '<img alt=\"\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1000\" height=\"' + Math.round(1000 * aspect) + '\" src=\"' + d.src + '\">';\n    mh.appendChild(fig);\n    mh.classList.add('pt-band', 'pt-' + d.side);\n    (d.bleed || '').split('').forEach(function (e) { mh.classList.add('pt-b' + e); });\n    var hdr = document.querySelector('.wp-site-blocks > header .is-style-header-fixed');\n    function fit() {\n      \/\/ The header lies over the top of the page down to tablet width: clear it.\n      mh.style.setProperty('--pt-hh', hdr && getComputedStyle(hdr).position === 'absolute' ? hdr.offsetHeight + 'px' : '0px');\n      mh.style.setProperty('--pt-lift', '0px');\n      if (getComputedStyle(fig).display === 'none') return;\n      \/\/ At least 70% as tall as the words, at most 44% of the band.\n      var cs = getComputedStyle(mh), room = mh.clientWidth - parseFloat(cs.paddingLeft) - parseFloat(cs.paddingRight), w = +d.w;\n      for (var i = 0; i < 2; i++) {\n        w = Math.min(Math.max(+d.w, 0.7 * words.offsetHeight \/ aspect), room * 0.44);\n        mh.style.setProperty('--pt-w', Math.round(w) + 'px');\n      }\n      \/\/ Optical centre: of the cream left beside the words, 40% goes above and 60% below.\n      var slack = mh.clientHeight - parseFloat(cs.paddingTop) - parseFloat(cs.paddingBottom) - words.offsetHeight;\n      mh.style.setProperty('--pt-lift', Math.max(0, Math.round(slack * 0.1)) + 'px');\n    }\n    fit();\n    addEventListener('resize', fit);\n    \/\/ The text grows when the site's fonts arrive: measure again then.\n    if (document.fonts) document.fonts.ready.then(fit);\n    addEventListener('load', fit);\n    function tidy() {\n      var after = document.createDocumentFragment();\n      while (fig.nextSibling) after.appendChild(fig.nextSibling);\n      mh.parentNode.insertBefore(after, mh.nextSibling);\n      \/\/ The part dots sit at the left edge, over a drawing there: they fade in once the band is behind them.\n      var rail = document.getElementById('eqp-parts');\n      if (!rail) return;\n      function dots() { rail.classList.toggle('pt-hide', mh.getBoundingClientRect().bottom > rail.getBoundingClientRect().top); }\n      addEventListener('scroll', dots, { passive: true });\n      addEventListener('resize', dots);\n      dots();\n    }\n    if (document.readyState === 'loading') document.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded', tidy); else tidy();\n    return true;\n  }\n  if (!run()) document.addEventListener('DOMContentLoaded', run);\n})();\n<\/script>\n<!-- \/eq-post-top -->\n\n\n\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family eq-drop wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#35302a;margin-top:46px;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.642px, 0.915rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.836), 22px);line-height:1.62\">You&#8217;re both in the kitchen. Your partner looks up from their phone and says, &#8220;Oh, look, that&#8217;s the caf\u00e9 we went to on our first trip.&#8221; You&#8217;re halfway through a message, so you say &#8220;Mm&#8221; without looking up. They go back to their phone. Nothing really happened. And yet something small did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Most of us have been on both sides of that moment. The psychologist <span class=\"gl\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-describedby=\"gd-1\">John&nbsp;Gottman<span class=\"gd\" role=\"tooltip\" id=\"gd-1\"><b>John Gottman<\/b>American psychologist, professor emeritus at the University of Washington, known for decades of research observing couples and for the Gottman Method of couples therapy.<\/span><\/span> calls moments like this <em class=\"eqi\">bids for connection<\/em>: small attempts to get another person&#8217;s attention, interest or affection. His research suggests that the way two people answer these ordinary moments, again and again over months and years, says a lot about how their relationship is doing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Bids are easy to learn to notice, and <strong class=\"eqb\">turning toward one usually takes only a few seconds<\/strong>!<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-4ccedd2e wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"border-color:#e8e1d5;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:22px;background-color:#faf8f3;margin-top:56px;margin-bottom:20px;padding:30px 34px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#6b6259;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:22px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WHAT THIS ARTICLE COVERS &middot; FOUR&nbsp;PARTS<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-rank-math-toc-block\">\n<div class=\"eq-toc\"><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"num\">PART 1<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-1\">What bids for connection are<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">3 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>2 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#a-bid-can-be-almost-anything\">A bid can be almost anything<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#three-ways-to-answer\">Three ways to answer<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#phones-make-it-easier-to-turn-away\">Phones make it easier to turn away<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"num\">PART 2<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-2\">Why the small moments add up<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">3 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>2 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#what-the-laboratory-apartment-showed\">What the laboratory apartment showed<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#everyday-moments-carry-into-harder-ones\">Everyday moments carry into harder ones<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#good-news-is-a-bid-too\">Good news is a bid too<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"num\">PART 3<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-3\">How to turn toward<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">3 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>1 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#notice-the-quiet-ones\">Notice the quiet ones<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#small-is-enough\">Small is enough<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#missed-one-go-back\">Missed one? Go back<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><details><summary><svg class=\"chev\" viewBox=\"0 0 12 12\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path d=\"M4 2l4 4-4 4\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"num\">PART 4<\/span><a class=\"ttl\" href=\"#part-4\">When your bids go unanswered<\/a><span class=\"cnt\"><span class=\"sec\">2 sections<\/span><span class=\"sep\"> &middot; <\/span>2 min<\/span><\/summary><ul><li><a href=\"#make-your-own-bids-easier-to-see\">Make your own bids easier to see<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#talk-about-the-pattern-gently\">Talk about the pattern, gently<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/details><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"bd-ph\"><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Bid 1 of 4<\/p><h2 id=\"part-1\">What bids for connection are<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">Small reaches for attention, and the three ways we answer them<\/p><div class=\"rc\" role=\"img\" aria-label=\"Bid 1 of 4\"><svg class=\"nw\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><svg class=\"up\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><svg class=\"up\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><svg class=\"up\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"a-bid-can-be-almost-anything\" style=\"color:#1e6e68;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">A bid can be almost anything<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\"><strong class=\"eqb\">A bid is any attempt to connect.<\/strong> It can be a question, a comment, a joke, a touch or even a sigh. &#8220;Look at that.&#8221; &#8220;How was your day?&#8221; &#8220;I&#8217;m so tired.&#8221; A hand on your shoulder as someone walks past. Some bids are clear requests, but a lot of them are quiet, and the need underneath isn&#8217;t always said out loud. &#8220;Did you see that article?&#8221; can simply mean &#8220;Talk with me for a minute.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Bids aren&#8217;t only for couples, either. Friends make them to each other all day long, and so do parents and children, and colleagues. A child holding up a drawing is making a bid. So is a teenager who hangs around in the kitchen doorway without quite saying why. Most of the research has been done with couples, though, so that&#8217;s where this article mostly stays.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"three-ways-to-answer\" style=\"color:#1e6e68;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Three ways to answer<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Gottman describes three ways people respond. <strong class=\"eqb\">Turning toward<\/strong> means answering the bid in some way: looking up, replying, showing interest. It doesn&#8217;t have to be enthusiastic, and a small, real acknowledgment counts. <strong class=\"eqb\">Turning away<\/strong> means missing or ignoring the bid, usually without meaning to, because you&#8217;re busy or distracted. <strong class=\"eqb\">Turning against<\/strong> means answering with irritation, as in &#8220;Can&#8217;t you see I&#8217;m working?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">If you recognize yourself in turning away, that doesn&#8217;t make you a bad partner. <strong class=\"eqb\">Everyone does it sometimes, and it&#8217;s rarely deliberate.<\/strong> It usually just means your head was somewhere else.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:30px;margin-bottom:36px\"><style>\n.bd-three{margin:0;background:#faf8f3;border:1.5px solid #ebe4d6;border-radius:20px;padding:clamp(22px,3.4vw,34px)}\n.bd-three .hd{display:flex;justify-content:space-between;align-items:baseline;gap:16px;margin:0 0 16px}\n.bd-three .ti{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.14em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#1e6e68;margin:0}\n.bd-three .un{font-size:13px;color:#6b6259;margin:0}\n.bd-three .q{font-size:15px;font-weight:700;color:#2a2622;margin:0 0 9px}\n.bd-three .chips{display:flex;flex-wrap:wrap;gap:8px;margin:0 0 20px}\n.bd-three button{font:600 15px\/1.25 \"Work Sans\",sans-serif;cursor:pointer;border:1.5px solid #958773;background:#fff;color:#2a2622;transition:background .16s ease,border-color .16s ease}\n.bd-three button:hover{background:#e6f4f3}\n.bd-three button:focus-visible{outline:2px solid #1e6e68;outline-offset:2px}\n.bd-three .chips button{border-radius:999px;padding:8px 16px}\n.bd-three .chips button[aria-pressed=true]{background:#1e6e68;border-color:#1e6e68;color:#fff}\n.bd-three .bub{position:relative;display:inline-block;max-width:100%;background:#fff;border:1.5px solid #958773;border-radius:18px 18px 18px 4px;\n  padding:14px 18px;font-size:clamp(18px,2.3vw,21px);line-height:1.4;color:#2a2622;margin:0 0 20px}\n.bd-three .bub small{display:block;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.12em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#a8502f;margin:0 0 4px}\n.bd-three .ways{display:grid;grid-template-columns:repeat(3,minmax(0,1fr));gap:10px}\n.bd-three .ways button{display:flex;flex-direction:column;align-items:flex-start;gap:6px;text-align:left;border-radius:14px;padding:14px 15px;min-width:0}\n.bd-three .ways b{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.12em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#6b6259}\n.bd-three .ways span{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:1.45;color:#2a2622}\n.bd-three .ways button[aria-pressed=true]{border-color:#1e6e68;background:#e6f4f3}\n.bd-three .ways button[aria-pressed=true] b{color:#164f4b}\n.bd-three .ways button[data-w=against][aria-pressed=true]{border-color:#a8502f;background:#fcece4}\n.bd-three .ways button[data-w=against][aria-pressed=true] b{color:#a8502f}\n.bd-three .out{margin:16px 0 0;font-size:16.5px;line-height:1.55;color:#2a2622;background:#fff;border-left:4px solid #1e6e68;border-radius:0;padding:12px 16px}\n.bd-three .out:empty{display:none}\n.bd-three .out.ag{border-left-color:#a8502f}\n.bd-three figcaption{font-size:15.5px;line-height:1.6;color:#6b6259;margin:18px 0 0;padding-top:14px;border-top:1px solid #ebe4d6}\n@media(max-width:640px){.bd-three .ways{grid-template-columns:minmax(0,1fr)}}\n.bd-three .bd-mob{display:none}\n.bd-three .bd-lab{display:block;font-size:.9375rem;font-weight:700;color:#2a2622;margin:0 0 9px}\n.bd-three .bd-sel{display:block;width:100%;max-width:none;box-sizing:border-box;min-height:52px;font:600 1rem\/1.3 \"Work Sans\",sans-serif;color:#2a2622;background-color:#fff;border:1.5px solid #1e6e68;border-radius:14px;padding:12px 44px 12px 16px;margin:0;cursor:pointer;box-shadow:none;-webkit-appearance:none;appearance:none;background-image:linear-gradient(45deg,transparent 50%,#1e6e68 50%),linear-gradient(135deg,#1e6e68 50%,transparent 50%);background-position:calc(100% - 22px) 50%,calc(100% - 16px) 50%;background-size:6px 6px,6px 6px;background-repeat:no-repeat}\n.bd-three .bd-sel:focus-visible{outline:2px solid #1e6e68;outline-offset:2px}\n@media(max-width:640px){.bd-three #bd-q1,.bd-three .chips{display:none}.bd-three .bd-mob{display:block;margin:0 0 20px}}\n@media print{.bd-three .bd-mob{display:none!important}}\n@media(max-width:520px){.bd-three{padding:20px 14px;border-radius:16px;margin:0 -12px!important}}\n@media(prefers-reduced-motion:reduce){.bd-three button{transition:none!important}}\n@media print{.bd-three .chips{display:none!important}}\n<\/style><figure class=\"bd-three\" id=\"bd-three\"><div class=\"hd\"><p class=\"ti\">Three ways to answer<\/p><p class=\"un\">try it here<\/p><\/div><p class=\"q\" id=\"bd-q1\">Choose a bid<\/p><div class=\"bd-mob\"><label class=\"bd-lab\" for=\"bd-sel\">Choose a bid<\/label><select class=\"bd-sel\" id=\"bd-sel\"><option value=\"look\" selected>look at that<\/option><option value=\"day\">a long day<\/option><option value=\"news\">some good news<\/option><option value=\"sigh\">a sigh<\/option><option value=\"post\">did you see this?<\/option><\/select><\/div><div class=\"chips\" role=\"group\" aria-labelledby=\"bd-q1\"><button type=\"button\" data-k=\"look\" aria-pressed=\"true\">look at that<\/button><button type=\"button\" data-k=\"day\" aria-pressed=\"false\">a long day<\/button><button type=\"button\" data-k=\"news\" aria-pressed=\"false\">some good news<\/button><button type=\"button\" data-k=\"sigh\" aria-pressed=\"false\">a sigh<\/button><button type=\"button\" data-k=\"post\" aria-pressed=\"false\">did you see this?<\/button><\/div><p class=\"bub\"><small>They say<\/small><span id=\"bd-bid\">Oh, look, there\u2019s a heron on the river.<\/span><\/p><p class=\"q\" id=\"bd-q2\">And you answer<\/p><div class=\"ways\" role=\"group\" aria-labelledby=\"bd-q2\"><button type=\"button\" data-w=\"toward\" aria-pressed=\"false\"><b>Turn toward<\/b><span>Where? Oh, I see it. It\u2019s huge.<\/span><\/button><button type=\"button\" data-w=\"away\" aria-pressed=\"false\"><b>Turn away<\/b><span>Mm.<\/span><\/button><button type=\"button\" data-w=\"against\" aria-pressed=\"false\"><b>Turn against<\/b><span>I\u2019m trying to read.<\/span><\/button><\/div><p class=\"out\" id=\"bd-out\" aria-live=\"polite\"><\/p><figcaption>Most bids are small. Turning toward rarely takes more than a few seconds, and it can be as simple as looking up.<\/figcaption><script>var BDB=[{\"k\":\"look\",\"n\":\"look at that\",\"bid\":\"Oh, look, there\u2019s a heron on the river.\",\"toward\":\"Where? Oh, I see it. It\u2019s huge.\",\"away\":\"Mm.\",\"against\":\"I\u2019m trying to read.\"},{\"k\":\"day\",\"n\":\"a long day\",\"bid\":\"What a day. I\u2019m completely wiped out.\",\"toward\":\"Come and sit down. What happened?\",\"away\":\"Did you remember to buy milk?\",\"against\":\"You\u2019re always tired.\"},{\"k\":\"news\",\"n\":\"some good news\",\"bid\":\"Guess what, they liked my proposal.\",\"toward\":\"That\u2019s brilliant. Tell me everything.\",\"away\":\"Nice.\",\"against\":\"Well, it took them long enough.\"},{\"k\":\"sigh\",\"n\":\"a sigh\",\"bid\":\"(A long sigh, while looking at the laptop.)\",\"toward\":\"That sounded heavy. Is it the report?\",\"away\":\"(Nothing. You didn\u2019t hear it.)\",\"against\":\"Can you not sigh like that?\"},{\"k\":\"post\",\"n\":\"did you see this?\",\"bid\":\"Did you see what my sister posted?\",\"toward\":\"No, show me.\",\"away\":\"(Keeps scrolling.)\",\"against\":\"I really don\u2019t care what your sister posts.\"}],BDW=[[\"toward\",\"Turn toward\",\"The bid lands. It took a few seconds, and they know you were there.\"],[\"away\",\"Turn away\",\"The bid goes unanswered. Nothing dramatic happens, which is exactly why this is the easiest one to miss.\"],[\"against\",\"Turn against\",\"The bid is answered, but with a sting. What comes across is that reaching out was not welcome.\"]];(function(){\nvar f=document.getElementById(\"bd-three\");if(!f){return;}\nvar cs=f.querySelectorAll(\".chips button\"),ws=f.querySelectorAll(\".ways button\"),bid=document.getElementById(\"bd-bid\"),out=document.getElementById(\"bd-out\"),cur=BDB[0];\nvar each=function(l,fn){Array.prototype.forEach.call(l,fn);};\nvar clear=function(){each(ws,function(w){w.setAttribute(\"aria-pressed\",\"false\");});out.textContent=\"\";out.className=\"out\";};\neach(cs,function(c){c.addEventListener(\"click\",function(){each(cs,function(x){x.setAttribute(\"aria-pressed\",String(x===c));});\n BDB.forEach(function(b){if(b.k===c.getAttribute(\"data-k\")){cur=b;}});bid.textContent=cur.bid;\n each(ws,function(w){w.querySelector(\"span\").textContent=cur[w.getAttribute(\"data-w\")];});clear();});});\neach(ws,function(w){w.addEventListener(\"click\",function(){var k=w.getAttribute(\"data-w\");each(ws,function(x){x.setAttribute(\"aria-pressed\",String(x===w));});\n BDW.forEach(function(x){if(x[0]===k){out.textContent=x[2];}});out.className=k===\"against\"?\"out ag\":\"out\";});});\n})();(function(){var f=document.getElementById(\"bd-three\");if(!f){return;}var sel=document.getElementById(\"bd-sel\");if(!sel){return;}var cs=f.querySelectorAll(\".chips button\");Array.prototype.forEach.call(cs,function(c){c.addEventListener(\"click\",function(){sel.value=c.getAttribute(\"data-k\");});});sel.addEventListener(\"change\",function(){Array.prototype.forEach.call(cs,function(c){if(c.getAttribute(\"data-k\")===sel.value){c.click();}});});})();<\/script><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"phones-make-it-easier-to-turn-away\" style=\"color:#1e6e68;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Phones make it easier to turn away<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">You probably know the feeling of talking to someone who&#8217;s looking at a screen. In one study, researchers asked adults in relationships how often their partner was distracted by a phone while they were together. Researchers call this <em class=\"eqi\">partner phubbing<\/em>, from phone and snubbing (yes, that&#8217;s the real word). People who reported more of it also reported more arguments about phones and less satisfaction with their relationship. Many studies since have found the same link, and a 2025 review that pooled more than fifty of them confirmed it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">These are surveys, so they show a link rather than a cause. But they describe something most of us will recognize: <strong class=\"eqb\">a bid made to someone looking at a screen is easy to miss, and a missed bid doesn&#8217;t always get made again<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"bd-ph\"><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Bid 2 of 4<\/p><h2 id=\"part-2\">Why the small moments add up<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">What the research found, and why good news counts too<\/p><div class=\"rc\" role=\"img\" aria-label=\"Bid 2 of 4\"><svg class=\"dn\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><svg class=\"nw\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><svg class=\"up\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><svg class=\"up\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"what-the-laboratory-apartment-showed\" style=\"color:#1e6e68;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">What the laboratory apartment showed<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">In the 1990s, Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washington invited newlywed couples to spend a day in an apartment set up as a laboratory. The couples cooked, ate, read and talked while the researchers watched. Years later, Gottman reported that how the couples had answered each other&#8217;s bids was linked to what had happened to their marriages.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<style>.eqp .eq-ff{display:grid;grid-template-columns:auto minmax(0,1fr);gap:4px 16px;align-items:start;background:#fff;border:1.5px dashed #bfe3e0;border-radius:18px;padding:20px 24px;margin:6px 0 34px}.eqp .eq-ff .mk{grid-row:1\/3;width:40px;height:40px;border-radius:50%;background:#e6f4f3;color:#1e6e68;display:flex;align-items:center;justify-content:center}.eqp .eq-ff .mk svg{width:22px;height:22px}.eqp .eq-ff .k{font-family:\"Work Sans\",sans-serif;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.16em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#1e6e68;margin:2px 0 4px}.eqp .eq-ff .t{font-family:\"Work Sans\",sans-serif;font-size:clamp(14px,calc(10.2px + .62vw),18px);line-height:1.6;color:#2a2622;margin:0}@media(max-width:560px){.eqp .eq-ff{grid-template-columns:minmax(0,1fr);padding:18px}.eqp .eq-ff .mk{grid-row:auto;width:34px;height:34px}}<\/style><aside class=\"eq-ff\"><span class=\"mk\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.6\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"><path d=\"M12 3.5l1.9 5.1 5.1 1.9-5.1 1.9L12 17.5l-1.9-5.1-5.1-1.9 5.1-1.9zM18.5 15.5l.8 2 2 .8-2 .8-.8 2-.8-2-2-.8 2-.8z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><p class=\"k\">Fun fact<\/p><p class=\"t\">Gottman\u2019s laboratory apartment became so well known that it earned a nickname: the Love Lab.<\/p><\/aside>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">According to a widely quoted figure from Gottman&#8217;s lab, couples who were still married six years later had turned toward each other&#8217;s bids 86 percent of the time. Couples who had divorced had turned toward each other only 33 percent of the time.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:30px;margin-bottom:36px\"><style>\n.bd-rate{margin:0;background:#faf8f3;border:1.5px solid #ebe4d6;border-radius:20px;padding:clamp(22px,3.4vw,34px)}\n.bd-rate .ti{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.14em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#1e6e68;margin:0 0 20px}\n.bd-rate .row{margin:0 0 20px}\n.bd-rate .lb{display:flex;justify-content:space-between;align-items:baseline;gap:12px;flex-wrap:nowrap;margin:0 0 10px}\n.bd-rate .lb b{font-size:16.5px;color:#2a2622;flex:1 1 auto;min-width:0}\n.bd-rate .lb span{font-family:\"Playfair Display\",Georgia,serif;font-size:clamp(28px,4vw,36px);font-weight:700;line-height:1;color:#1e6e68;flex:none}\n.bd-rate .row.lo .lb span{color:#6b6259}\n.bd-rate .dots{display:grid;grid-template-columns:repeat(10,minmax(0,1fr));gap:clamp(5px,1.2vw,10px);max-width:560px}\n.bd-rate .dots i{display:block;aspect-ratio:1\/1;border-radius:50%;border:2px solid #3f8f88;background:#fff;overflow:hidden;position:relative}\n.bd-rate .dots i::after{content:\"\";position:absolute;inset:0;background:#1e6e68;transform-origin:0 50%;transform:scaleX(var(--f,0))}\n.bd-rate .row.lo .dots i{border-color:#958773}\n.bd-rate .row.lo .dots i::after{background:#958773}\n.bd-rate .key{font-size:14px;color:#6b6259;margin:0}\n.bd-rate figcaption{font-size:15.5px;line-height:1.6;color:#6b6259;margin:16px 0 0;padding-top:14px;border-top:1px solid #ebe4d6}\n@media(max-width:520px){.bd-rate{padding:20px 14px;border-radius:16px;margin:0 -12px!important}}\n<\/style><figure class=\"bd-rate\"><p class=\"ti\">Out of every ten bids, how many were turned toward<\/p><div class=\"row\"><p class=\"lb\"><b>Still married six years later<\/b><span>86%<\/span><\/p><div class=\"dots\" role=\"img\" aria-label=\"86 percent of bids turned toward\"><i style=\"--f:1.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:1.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:1.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:1.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:1.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:1.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:1.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:1.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:0.60\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:0.00\"><\/i><\/div><\/div><div class=\"row lo\"><p class=\"lb\"><b>Divorced within six years<\/b><span>33%<\/span><\/p><div class=\"dots\" role=\"img\" aria-label=\"33 percent of bids turned toward\"><i style=\"--f:1.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:1.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:1.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:0.30\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:0.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:0.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:0.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:0.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:0.00\"><\/i><i style=\"--f:0.00\"><\/i><\/div><\/div><p class=\"key\">Each row stands for ten bids, and the filled part shows how many were turned toward.<\/p><figcaption>The figures Gottman and his institute report for newlywed couples observed in the laboratory apartment.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">These numbers appear in writing for the general public rather than in a <span class=\"gl\" tabindex=\"0\" aria-describedby=\"gd-2\"><em class=\"eqi\">peer-reviewed<\/em><span class=\"gd\" role=\"tooltip\" id=\"gd-2\"><b>peer-reviewed<\/b>Checked by other independent researchers before it is published in a scientific journal. Books and articles written for the public usually don&#8217;t go through this process.<\/span><\/span> paper, and they show a link, not proof. But they point to something the research keeps finding: <strong class=\"eqb\">the ordinary moments seem to matter a lot<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"everyday-moments-carry-into-harder-ones\" style=\"color:#1e6e68;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Everyday moments carry into harder ones<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">In another study from the same lab, researchers filmed newlywed couples during an ordinary dinner in the laboratory apartment, and then during a fifteen-minute talk about a disagreement. Couples who were more playful and enthusiastic with each other over dinner also showed more humor and affection when they talked about their disagreement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">It was an observational study, so it can&#8217;t say which came first. But it fits a simple, hopeful idea: <strong class=\"eqb\">the goodwill you build in small moments is still there to draw on when a conversation gets hard<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"good-news-is-a-bid-too\" style=\"color:#1e6e68;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Good news is a bid too<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Bids aren&#8217;t only about needing something. Sharing good news is one of the most common ways people reach out. Think of the last time you couldn&#8217;t wait to tell someone something great, and how it felt when they lit up, or didn&#8217;t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Researchers filmed dating couples talking about recent good and bad events in their lives. How partners responded to good news was more closely linked to how the relationship was doing two months later, and to whether the couple had broken up, than how they responded to bad news.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">So <strong class=\"eqb\">being there when things go right seems to matter at least as much as being there when they go wrong<\/strong>. A warm, curious &#8220;Tell me everything!&#8221; is a turn toward. A distracted &#8220;Nice&#8221; is a turn away, even when it&#8217;s meant kindly.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<style>.eqp .eq-kp{display:grid;grid-template-columns:auto minmax(0,1fr);gap:4px 16px;align-items:start;background:#e6f4f3;border:0;border-left:4px solid #1e6e68;border-radius:4px 18px 18px 4px;padding:20px 26px;margin:6px 0 34px}.eqp .eq-kp .mk{grid-row:1\/3;width:40px;height:40px;border-radius:50%;background:#fff;color:#1e6e68;display:flex;align-items:center;justify-content:center}.eqp .eq-kp .mk svg{width:21px;height:21px}.eqp .eq-kp .k{font-family:\"Work Sans\",sans-serif;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.16em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#1e6e68;margin:2px 0 4px}.eqp .eq-kp .t{font-family:\"Work Sans\",sans-serif;font-size:clamp(15px,calc(10.6px + .72vw),19px);font-weight:500;line-height:1.55;color:#2a2622;margin:0}@media(max-width:560px){.eqp .eq-kp{grid-template-columns:minmax(0,1fr);padding:18px 20px}.eqp .eq-kp .mk{grid-row:auto;width:34px;height:34px}}<\/style><aside class=\"eq-kp\"><span class=\"mk\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"><path d=\"M6.5 3.5h11a1 1 0 0 1 1 1v15.6a.5.5 0 0 1-.78.42L12 16.4l-5.72 4.12a.5.5 0 0 1-.78-.42V4.5a1 1 0 0 1 1-1z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><p class=\"k\">Worth remembering<\/p><p class=\"t\">The small, everyday answers seem to matter as much as the big moments. And good news counts too: how someone reacts when things go right is closely linked to how a relationship does over time.<\/p><\/aside>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"bd-ph\"><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Bid 3 of 4<\/p><h2 id=\"part-3\">How to turn toward<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">Noticing bids, answering them, and going back when you missed one<\/p><div class=\"rc\" role=\"img\" aria-label=\"Bid 3 of 4\"><svg class=\"dn\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><svg class=\"dn\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><svg class=\"nw\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><svg class=\"up\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"notice-the-quiet-ones\" style=\"color:#1e6e68;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Notice the quiet ones<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Loud bids are easy to catch. It&#8217;s the quiet ones that slip past: a sigh, a comment about something outside the window, a question that seems to be about nothing much. <strong class=\"eqb\">When you notice one, it can help to ask yourself whether there&#8217;s an invitation in it.<\/strong> There often is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"small-is-enough\" style=\"color:#1e6e68;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Small is enough<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Turning toward doesn&#8217;t mean dropping everything. Looking up and saying &#8220;Oh, where?&#8221; counts. So does &#8220;I want to hear about it, give me five minutes to finish this.&#8221; <strong class=\"eqb\">What matters is that the bid is received and acknowledged, not that you answer it at length.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">The same goes for messages. When your partner sends a photo of something that made them think of you, a quick reply that shows you looked is a turn toward, even hours later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"missed-one-go-back\" style=\"color:#1e6e68;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Missed one? Go back<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Nobody catches every bid, so please don&#8217;t be hard on yourself when you miss one. <strong class=\"eqb\">Going back to it later is a turn toward in its own right<\/strong>: &#8220;You were telling me about the caf\u00e9 earlier, and I was miles away. What was it?&#8221; A small acknowledgment like this is a form of repair, and it tells the other person that their reaching out was noticed after all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-bd3116f4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#e6f4f3;border-radius:18px;margin-top:4px;margin-bottom:30px;padding:24px 28px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#164f4b;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:12.5px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">TO TURN TOWARD MORE OFTEN<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.568), 19px);line-height:1.7\">\n<li>Look up, even for a few seconds.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Answer small: &#8220;Oh, where?&#8221; or &#8220;Tell me in five minutes.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>If you missed one, go back to it later. It still counts!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:92px;margin-bottom:34px\"><div class=\"bd-ph\"><div class=\"tx\"><p class=\"lb\">Bid 4 of 4<\/p><h2 id=\"part-4\">When your bids go unanswered<\/h2><p class=\"sb\">Making your own bids easier to see, and what to say when they keep being missed<\/p><div class=\"rc\" role=\"img\" aria-label=\"Bid 4 of 4\"><svg class=\"dn\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><svg class=\"dn\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><svg class=\"dn\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><svg class=\"nw\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 14\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><path d=\"M1.5 7.5l3.4 3.4 7.4-8.4M8.6 10.9l7.4-8.4\"\/><\/svg><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"make-your-own-bids-easier-to-see\" style=\"color:#1e6e68;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Make your own bids easier to see<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Maybe you&#8217;re the one whose bids keep getting missed. That can feel lonely, and it&#8217;s not something to brush off. One thing that can help is making your bids a little clearer. &#8220;Can you look at this with me for a minute?&#8221; is easier to catch than a sigh. <strong class=\"eqb\">A clear bid isn&#8217;t needy. It just gives the other person a better chance to answer.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Some people find it hard to make bids at all, especially if reaching out hasn&#8217;t gone well for them in the past. If that sounds familiar, try noticing the moments you hold back, and what you expect would happen if you didn&#8217;t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"talk-about-the-pattern-gently\" style=\"color:#1e6e68;margin-top:72px;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">Talk about the pattern, gently<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">If your bids have been missed for a while, it may be worth talking about it, and how you start that conversation matters. In one study of newlywed couples, Gottman&#8217;s team found that the first three minutes of a conversation about a disagreement predicted which couples were still together six years later. How a conversation begins tends to shape how it goes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\"><strong class=\"eqb\">It usually helps to say what you&#8217;ve noticed and how it feels, rather than what your partner is doing wrong.<\/strong> &#8220;I&#8217;ve been missing you lately. When I show you something and you don&#8217;t look up, I feel a bit on my own&#8221; is much easier to hear than &#8220;You never listen to me.&#8221; A conversation like this is a bid too, and a gentle one is so much easier to turn toward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-bd3116f4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#e6f4f3;border-radius:18px;margin-top:4px;margin-bottom:30px;padding:24px 28px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#164f4b;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:12.5px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WHEN YOU RAISE IT<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.568), 19px);line-height:1.7\">\n<li>Say what you&#8217;d like: &#8220;Can you look at this with me?&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Start with how it feels, not with what they&#8217;re doing wrong.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Keep the first few minutes gentle. They tend to set the tone.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<style>.eqp .eq-kp{display:grid;grid-template-columns:auto minmax(0,1fr);gap:4px 16px;align-items:start;background:#e6f4f3;border:0;border-left:4px solid #1e6e68;border-radius:4px 18px 18px 4px;padding:20px 26px;margin:6px 0 34px}.eqp .eq-kp .mk{grid-row:1\/3;width:40px;height:40px;border-radius:50%;background:#fff;color:#1e6e68;display:flex;align-items:center;justify-content:center}.eqp .eq-kp .mk svg{width:21px;height:21px}.eqp .eq-kp .k{font-family:\"Work Sans\",sans-serif;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.16em;text-transform:uppercase;color:#1e6e68;margin:2px 0 4px}.eqp .eq-kp .t{font-family:\"Work Sans\",sans-serif;font-size:clamp(15px,calc(10.6px + .72vw),19px);font-weight:500;line-height:1.55;color:#2a2622;margin:0}@media(max-width:560px){.eqp .eq-kp{grid-template-columns:minmax(0,1fr);padding:18px 20px}.eqp .eq-kp .mk{grid-row:auto;width:34px;height:34px}}<\/style><aside class=\"eq-kp\"><span class=\"mk\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><svg viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\" stroke=\"currentColor\" stroke-width=\"1.7\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"><path d=\"M6.5 3.5h11a1 1 0 0 1 1 1v15.6a.5.5 0 0 1-.78.42L12 16.4l-5.72 4.12a.5.5 0 0 1-.78-.42V4.5a1 1 0 0 1 1-1z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><p class=\"k\">Be mindful<\/p><p class=\"t\">If you feel afraid of your partner, or they control where you go, who you see or what you spend, that isn\u2019t a problem of missed bids. Please talk to someone you trust or a domestic abuse service. You can find one where you live on <a href=\"\/crisis-helplines\/\" style=\"color:#1e6e68;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1.5px;text-decoration-color:#b5dcd8\">our helplines page<\/a>, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline in the US or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline in the UK. If you\u2019re in danger right now, call your local emergency number.<\/p><\/aside>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Most of what holds two people together doesn&#8217;t happen in the big conversations. It happens in the few seconds after one of them says &#8220;Look at that.&#8221; Next time, look!<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-f86ed65e wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#f1f6f6;border-color:#d9e7e6;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:20px;margin-top:46px;margin-bottom:46px;padding:34px 38px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#164f4b;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:12px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WHAT THE RESEARCH SUPPORTS<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Couples who more often respond to each other&#8217;s small bids for attention and interest tend to be happier, and Gottman reports that they are more likely to stay together. Warmth in ordinary moments goes along with more humor and affection during conflict, and how partners respond to each other&#8217;s good news is closely linked to how the relationship does over time. Being distracted by a phone during time together is linked to more conflict and lower satisfaction.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d12c95ff wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-7c590e6f wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#fbf4e6;border-color:#eedcb9;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:20px;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:46px;padding:34px 38px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#a8502f;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:12px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WORTH BEING CLEAR ABOUT<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:26px;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Most of this research watches couples rather than testing what happens when people change how they respond, so it shows strong links rather than proof. Much of it comes from one research group, and the best-known figures, 86 and 33 percent, are reported in writing for the general public rather than in a peer-reviewed paper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#2a2622;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14.082px, 0.88rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.786), 21px);line-height:1.68\">Turning toward bids is a lovely habit, not a cure. If a relationship feels stuck in conflict or distance, couples therapy can help. And if you feel unsafe with your partner, please see the note above and reach out for support.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-69c879e7 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#faf8f3;border-color:#e8e1d5;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:18px;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:44px;padding:30px 34px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#6b6259;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:14px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">REFERENCES<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" style=\"color:#524a42;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.17), 15.5px);line-height:1.7\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.gottman.com\/blog\/turn-toward-instead-of-away\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#b5dcd8\">Brittle, Z. (2015, April 1). <em>Turn towards instead of away<\/em>. The Gottman Institute (US).<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/j.1545-5300.1999.00293.x\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#b5dcd8\">Carr\u00e8re, S., &amp; Gottman, J. M. (1999). Predicting divorce among newlyweds from the first three minutes of a marital conflict discussion. <em>Family Process, 38<\/em>(3), 293-301.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1111\/j.1545-5300.2004.00024.x\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#b5dcd8\">Driver, J. L., &amp; Gottman, J. M. (2004). Daily marital interactions and positive affect during marital conflict among newlywed couples. <em>Family Process, 43<\/em>(3), 301-314.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1037\/0022-3514.91.5.904\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#b5dcd8\">Gable, S. L., Gonzaga, G. C., &amp; Strachman, A. (2006). Will you be there for me when things go right? Supportive responses to positive event disclosures. <em>Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91<\/em>(5), 904-917.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Gottman, J. M., &amp; DeClaire, J. (2001). <em>The relationship cure: A 5 step guide to strengthening your marriage, family, and friendships<\/em>. Crown.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.3389\/fpsyg.2025.1561159\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#b5dcd8\">Ni, N., Ahrari, S., Zaremohzzabieh, Z., Zarean, M., &amp; Roslan, S. (2025). A meta-analytic study of partner phubbing and its antecedents and consequences. <em>Frontiers in Psychology, 16<\/em>, Article 1561159.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/doi.org\/10.1016\/j.chb.2015.07.058\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#b5dcd8\">Roberts, J. A., &amp; David, M. E. (2016). My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners. <em>Computers in Human Behavior, 54<\/em>, 134-141.<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#6b6259;margin-top:30px;margin-bottom:14px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">BOOKS FROM OUR SHELF<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" style=\"color:#524a42;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:0;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.17), 15.5px);line-height:1.7\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/openlibrary.org\/works\/OL37575414W\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#b5dcd8\">Gottman, J. S., &amp; Gottman, J. M. (2024). <em>Fight right: How successful couples turn conflict into connection<\/em>. Harmony Books.<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/openlibrary.org\/works\/OL7909038W\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\" style=\"color:inherit;text-decoration:underline;text-underline-offset:3px;text-decoration-thickness:1px;text-decoration-color:#b5dcd8\">Johnson, S. M. (2008). <em>Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love<\/em>. Little, Brown.<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"eq-lastrev\" style=\"margin:34px 0 0;font-family:&quot;Work Sans&quot;,sans-serif;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.15em;text-transform:uppercase;line-height:1.5;color:#6b6259\">Last reviewed October 2026<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<style>.eqp{--rc-accent:#227771;--rc-band:#e9f9f8;--rc-hover:#d9f4f2;--rc-bg:#faf8f3}.eqp .eq-rc-btn{display:none}.eqp .eq-rc{position:relative}.eqp .eq-rc li[hidden]{display:block;margin:0;padding:0;height:0;line-height:0;font-size:0}.eqp .eq-rc li.rc-off{display:none}.eqp .eq-rc.is-collapsed::after{content:\"\";position:absolute;left:0;right:0;bottom:0;height:76px;background:linear-gradient(to bottom,transparent,var(--rc-bg) 94%);pointer-events:none}.eqp .eq-rc ~ .eq-rc-btn{display:inline-flex;align-items:center;justify-content:center;gap:8px;box-sizing:border-box;min-width:260px;min-height:48px;margin:22px 0 0;padding:12px 26px;background:var(--rc-band);color:var(--rc-accent);border:1.5px solid var(--rc-accent);border-radius:9px;font-family:\"Work Sans\",system-ui,sans-serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:600;line-height:1.3;letter-spacing:normal;text-transform:none;text-decoration:none;text-align:center;box-shadow:none;cursor:pointer;-webkit-appearance:none;appearance:none;-webkit-tap-highlight-color:transparent}.eqp .eq-rc ~ .eq-rc-btn:hover{background:var(--rc-hover);color:var(--rc-accent)}.eqp .eq-rc ~ .eq-rc-btn:focus-visible{outline:3px solid var(--rc-accent);outline-offset:3px}.eqp .eq-rc-chev{flex:0 0 auto;width:8px;height:8px;margin-top:-4px;border-right:2px solid currentColor;border-bottom:2px solid currentColor;transform:rotate(45deg);transition:transform .2s ease}.eqp .eq-rc-btn[aria-expanded=\"true\"] .eq-rc-chev{margin-top:4px;transform:rotate(-135deg)}@media (max-width:640px){.eqp .eq-rc ~ .eq-rc-btn{display:flex;width:100%;min-width:0;margin:18px 0 0;padding:12px 10px}}@media (prefers-reduced-motion:reduce){.eqp .eq-rc-chev{transition:none}}@media print{.eqp .eq-rc-btn{display:none!important}.eqp .eq-rc::after{display:none!important}.eqp .eq-rc li[hidden]{display:list-item!important;content-visibility:visible!important;height:auto!important;font-size:inherit!important;line-height:inherit!important}.eqp .eq-rc li.rc-off{display:list-item!important}}<\/style>\n<script>(function(){\nif(window.eqRcLoaded){return;}\nwindow.eqRcLoaded=1;\nvar MQ=null,RM=null;\nif(window.matchMedia){\nMQ=window.matchMedia(\"(max-width: 640px)\");\nRM=window.matchMedia(\"(prefers-reduced-motion: reduce)\");\n}\nvar UF=(\"onbeforematch\" in document.documentElement);\nvar INST=[];\nvar KEEP_PHONE=3,KEEP_WIDE=5,MAXOPEN=12;\nfunction keepNow(){\nvar phone=false;\nif(MQ){phone=MQ.matches;}\nif(phone){return KEEP_PHONE;}\nreturn KEEP_WIDE;\n}\nfunction findLists(){\nvar out=[],i,j,l,k,ok=false;\ntry{\nl=document.querySelectorAll(\".eqp .wp-block-group:has(> p.eq-lastrev) > ol\");\nfor(i=0;i<l.length;i++){out.push(l[i]);}\nok=true;\n}catch(e){ok=false;}\nif(!ok){\nl=document.querySelectorAll(\".eqp p.eq-lastrev\");\nfor(i=0;i<l.length;i++){\nk=l[i].parentNode.children;\nfor(j=0;j<k.length;j++){\nif(k[j].tagName===\"OL\"){out.push(k[j]);}\n}\n}\n}\nreturn out;\n}\nfunction setup(list,idx){\nif(list.getAttribute(\"data-rc\")===\"1\"){return;}\nvar items=[],i,kids=list.children;\nfor(i=0;i<kids.length;i++){\nif(kids[i].tagName===\"LI\"){items.push(kids[i]);}\n}\nif(items.length<=MAXOPEN){return;}\nvar head=list.previousElementSibling;\nif(!head){head=list;}\nvar noun=\"references\";\nvar ht=head.textContent||\"\";\nif(\/further\/i.test(ht)){\nif(!\/reference\/i.test(ht)){return;}\n}\nlist.setAttribute(\"data-rc\",\"1\");\nif(!list.id){list.id=\"eq-rc-list-\"+idx;}\nhead.style.scrollMarginTop=\"88px\";\nvar btn=document.createElement(\"button\");\nbtn.type=\"button\";\nbtn.className=\"eq-rc-btn\";\nbtn.setAttribute(\"aria-controls\",list.id);\nbtn.setAttribute(\"aria-expanded\",\"false\");\nvar lab=document.createElement(\"span\");\nvar chev=document.createElement(\"span\");\nchev.className=\"eq-rc-chev\";\nchev.setAttribute(\"aria-hidden\",\"true\");\nbtn.appendChild(lab);\nbtn.appendChild(chev);\nlist.parentNode.insertBefore(btn,list.nextSibling);\nlist.classList.add(\"eq-rc\");\nvar open=false;\nfunction paint(){\nvar keep=keepNow();\nvar k,li;\nfor(k=0;k<items.length;k++){\nli=items[k];\nif(k<keep){\nli.removeAttribute(\"hidden\");\nli.classList.remove(\"rc-off\");\n}else if(open){\nli.removeAttribute(\"hidden\");\nli.classList.remove(\"rc-off\");\n}else{\nif(UF){li.setAttribute(\"hidden\",\"until-found\");}\nelse{li.classList.add(\"rc-off\");}\n}\n}\nif(open){list.classList.remove(\"is-collapsed\");}\nelse{list.classList.add(\"is-collapsed\");}\nbtn.setAttribute(\"aria-expanded\",open?\"true\":\"false\");\nlab.textContent=open?\"Show fewer\":\"Show all \"+items.length+\" \"+noun;\n}\nbtn.addEventListener(\"click\",function(){\nvar t0=btn.getBoundingClientRect().top;\nopen=!open;\npaint();\nif(!open){\nvar d=btn.getBoundingClientRect().top-t0;\nif(d){window.scrollBy({top:d,left:0,behavior:\"instant\"});}\n}\n});\nlist.addEventListener(\"beforematch\",function(){\nif(!open){open=true;paint();}\n});\nvar was=false;\nwindow.addEventListener(\"beforeprint\",function(){was=open;open=true;paint();});\nwindow.addEventListener(\"afterprint\",function(){open=was;paint();});\nif(MQ){\nif(MQ.addEventListener){MQ.addEventListener(\"change\",paint);}\nelse if(MQ.addListener){MQ.addListener(paint);}\n}\nINST.push(function(target){\nif(target===list){return false;}\nif(!list.contains(target)){return false;}\nif(open){return false;}\nvar n=target;\nwhile(n.parentNode!==list){n=n.parentNode;}\nif(items.indexOf(n)<keepNow()){return false;}\nopen=true;\npaint();\nreturn true;\n});\npaint();\n}\nfunction targetOf(hash){\nif(!hash){return null;}\nif(hash.length<2){return null;}\nvar id=hash.slice(1);\ntry{id=decodeURIComponent(id);}catch(e){id=hash.slice(1);}\nreturn document.getElementById(id);\n}\nfunction reveal(target){\nvar i,did=false;\nif(!target){return false;}\nfor(i=0;i<INST.length;i++){\nif(INST[i](target)){did=true;}\n}\nreturn did;\n}\nfunction fromHash(){\nvar t=targetOf(window.location.hash);\nif(reveal(t)){\nt.scrollIntoView({block:\"start\"});\n}\n}\nfunction run(){\nvar lists=findLists(),b;\nfor(b=0;b<lists.length;b++){setup(lists[b],b);}\nfromHash();\n}\ndocument.addEventListener(\"click\",function(e){\nvar a=e.target;\nwhile(a){\nif(a.tagName===\"A\"){break;}\na=a.parentNode;\n}\nif(!a){return;}\nif(!a.getAttribute){return;}\nvar h=a.getAttribute(\"href\");\nif(!h){return;}\nif(h.charAt(0)!==\"#\"){return;}\nreveal(targetOf(h));\n},true);\nwindow.addEventListener(\"hashchange\",fromHash);\nwindow.addEventListener(\"load\",fromHash);\nrun();\nif(document.readyState===\"loading\"){\ndocument.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",run);\n}\n})();\/*>*\/<\/script>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:44px\"><a class=\"wt-next\" href=\"\/attachment-styles\/\"><span class=\"eyb\">Read next<\/span><span class=\"ti\">Attachment Styles<\/span><span class=\"wy\">Why reaching out feels easy for some people and risky for others, and what the four styles really describe.<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-d2a766d4 wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n\n\n<div style=\"margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:0px\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"2560\" height=\"1708\" src=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"A therapist taking notes on a clipboard during a session\" class=\"wp-image-230\" style=\"width:100%;height:340px;object-fit:cover;object-position:center 40%;border-radius:22px 22px 0 0;display:block\" srcset=\"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-scaled.jpg 2560w, https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/06\/mid-shot-woman-therapist-taking-notes-clipboard-1536x1025.jpg 1536w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2560px) 100vw, 2560px\" \/><\/div>\n<div hidden data-eq-related=\"2380,2368,2395\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-background eq-ondark has-global-padding is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-group-is-layout-f761ea3b wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\" style=\"background-color:#1e6e68;border-radius:0px 0px 22px 22px;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:80px;padding:52px\">\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#cdeeea;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:14px;font-size:12px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:0.16em;line-height:1.4\">WORKING WITH THIS<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family\" id=\"when-you-keep-missing-each-other\" style=\"color:#ffffff;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:18px;font-size:clamp(16.293px, 1.018rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.989), 25px);font-style:normal;font-weight:700;line-height:1.28\">When you keep missing each other<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#ffffff;margin-top:0;margin-bottom:30px;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.455), 18px);line-height:1.7\">If you and your partner often seem to miss each other, or small moments keep turning into arguments, therapy can help, on your own or as a couple. We can slow those moments down and work out what each of you is reaching for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-button\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link has-text-color has-background has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-element-button\" href=\"\/individual-session\/\" style=\"border-radius:9px;color:#2a2622;background-color:#faf8f3;padding:15px 30px;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.284), 16.5px);font-weight:700\">Book a session<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-button footer_b\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link has-text-color has-work-sans-regular-font-family wp-element-button\" href=\"\/contact\/\" style=\"border-color:#b5dcd8;border-width:1.5px;border-style:solid;border-radius:9px;color:#ffffff;padding:15px 30px;font-size:clamp(14px, 0.875rem + ((1vw - 3.2px) * 0.284), 16.5px);font-weight:600\">Get in touch<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What a bid for connection is, why the small moments between two people matter more than they look, how to notice them and turn toward them, and what to do when your own bids keep going unanswered<\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4730,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"iawp_total_views":484,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2907","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2907","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2907"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2907\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4782,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2907\/revisions\/4782"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4730"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2907"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2907"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/equilibriumpsychotherapy.net\/hr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2907"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}